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Sarbed
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Forgiveness or Naivety
      02/26/06 01:57 AM

My husband and I visited today in treatment and had a long talk. I explained to him that I loved him, I love him, and I will give it another chance if he still loves me. He told me he loves me very much, that he is sorry he did not tell me he was positive, that he thought he was dieing, he was without meds, and he was so full of fear that he wanted to go out with a bang, numb so he didn't have to feel the fear of what he would go through. Instead he lived and is getting healthy. We talked a long time and I decided to forgive him, support him 100 percent. He is on disability now and I believe if he continues to improve he will be able to work again at some point. We talked about sex. That is an important area in a marriage, a relationship and so we both need to be comfortable. I hope, I pray that our relationship works out and I have always thought that he is my soul mate. The one I've waited on forever and a day. This past year almost killed me especially since my favorite sis had just committed suicide. I don't want to lose anymore loved ones for quite awhile. Somehow things have gotten so much better in our lives, despite the pitfalls of the relaspe. I was able to find a really good job, so my husband won't have to worry about an ssi check supporting all of us. That is a blessing, because stress is not good. I believe he will maintain his sobriety and we will get his boy back. I miss him so much and I really do believe he loves me.

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