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Forgiveness versus Naivity
      02/24/06 05:09 AM

I am the same lady that was posting last December about finding out my husband of a year and a half[although we'd been together for 7 years total] in a beautiful, very intimate, lovely relationship] that my husband was positive for many years but was in denial and was not on medicine. At any rate since we had such a beautiful loving relationship I was so hurt and shocked about this betrayal. Alot of members told me that for me to stay with him would probably be contigent upon his behavior toward me now---well, it was not nice, he relasped on crack cocaine. He was so thin, so sick and he went on these 3 day crack runs, and when the car would break down or he would run out of dope and pawned what jewelry he had on, he would call begging me to come pick him up. It was scary watching hiim self destruct, picking him up he would be balled up in a knot, freezing cold, shaking. He was actually suicidal, I thought. It seemed as though he temporarily lost his mind. His count was under 20, viral load was not that high, before he used he had relasped in terms of his behavior, he was so nervous and jittery, understandably so, because it was obvious he had AIDS, that is a certain look, people would come up and ask me if I was positive as well, I learned very many people whose brothers or sisters had AIDS. Somehow word had got around that he hadn't told me and my family in particular was very rejecting, I was in a rage at them about that, and I can't change that. Or the stigma. I see the stigma as being to blame with him not telling me. I can not be the judge of that. However, being a recovering alcholic and addict myself, I cannot be around dope, I tried to stick it out, but couldn't ---- I got a divorce. DHS took his child from me. Then he was busted and offered 5 in 7 out on paper, meanwhile I'm keeping track from a distance, his sister stole his ssi check instead of bonding him out, she spent it, so he did a couple of months in jail. His mother blew him off, his grandma said she couldn't deal with it, his brothers blew him off. He wrote me a letter saying please don't give the ssi check to his sis again. So I went with her, she tried to keep me from it. But I went. I asked her if she was going to let him stay with her when he was released she said he was on his own, she didn't have anyplace for him to stay. Anyways, he agreed to go into treatment, I asked him to please go into long-term treatment, he's hard core, ya know.

At any rate he has been calling me, saying he had been full of fear, thought he was going to die and had just given up and had thought I was seeing another man, because I was gone so much. I guess, with hindsight, I was because I was really freaked out, I nursed him back to somewhat of health, and I was so angry with him, I tried to keep it to myself, but I dought I did. My point is I wish I'd handled it better. I think I was being selfish as well, worried about my own health and whether he really loved me and if so why?????why???Why risk my health?

At any rate, I am still in love with my husband. I mean my ex-husband. He is still in love with me. He wants to come home after drug treatment, long-term treatment or at least several months of it.

I'm asking for opinions, I suppose, and I think I would like to hear from people who are positive or very supportive of positive people. Perhaps people who have had tremendous denial of their pos status or perhaps people who haven't disclosed status to lovers, wives, etc...

No this is not a popular situation but I'm not into political situations, just my own dire straits. Should I or Shouldn't I? There are times he has said, you go on and find somebody else while you have the chance. What I did was so wrong I feel it every day.

Has anyone been able to move past a situation like this and mend fences with their loved one?

I know it happens alot, please let me hear from you and those of you that just read along afraid to post and bare it all for fear of judgment.

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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Forgiveness versus Naivity Anonymous 02/24/06 05:09 AM
. * Re: Forgiveness versus Naivity franfrog   02/24/06 02:25 PM
. * Re: Forgiveness versus Naivity Anonymous   02/25/06 02:39 AM
. * Re: Forgiveness versus Naivity Survivor   02/24/06 05:51 AM
. * Re: Forgiveness versus Naivity Anonymous   02/25/06 02:51 AM
. * Re: Forgiveness versus Naivity still_here   02/25/06 03:55 AM
. * Re: Forgiveness versus Naivity Monchhichi   02/24/06 05:40 AM
. * Re: Forgiveness versus Naivity DavidSolomon   02/25/06 02:06 AM
. * Re: Forgiveness versus Naivity Anonymous   02/25/06 02:29 AM

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