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Aids in the American Family
      10/23/05 02:32 AM

My husband was diagnosed with AIDS in December of 1999. I have done all that is humanly possible to get him the best drs and provide him loving and sympathetic care through all the opportunistic infections he has survived through. We have 2 beautiful children and have always been role models of love and service in our community. The problem is he has alienated himself from me and our children for the past year and a half and does not allow me contact with his drs. He has come and gone from our home up until 5 months ago when he left for good. He blames me for all kinds of absurd actions that I have nothing to do with. He has filed for divorce from me and claims I have been abusive to him (absolutely untrue). I finally had to get a restraining order to protect me and the children because he was bleeding through the house saying I had done this to him. Our children and I are very fortunate not to even be HIV positive even though my husband and I were intimate almost every day before his diagnosis.

The problem is we are facing legal battles now and I feel so tremendously weird and guilty about it because I know he is sick and believe very strongly, knowing him as well as I do, that all this is a form of dementia that he has no control over his apathy and deteriorating behavior. My lawyer wants me to be tough and not speak to him at all, but I feel so sad for him and know he would never turn his back on me and our children if he wasn't "sick". He currently does not even have an infectious disease dr that I know of and only sees an oncologist who doesn't seem to understand or be knowledgeable about AIDS and dementia.

This is all so terrifying and sad. I feel that this is such an enigmatic situation and being estranged from my husband is the worst part. Also, going to court and trying to work through legal issues with someone who I know does not have their mental faculties is so preposterous. He seems somewhat normal to others, but his morality and goals for his family, his children are non-existent.

What can I do to maintain our family's sense of normalcy? My son says we are now 3/4 without his dad, yet both of the children are so upset with him due to his apathy towards us.

Any suggestions would be most helpful. It seems like so many people in this country died of AIDS in the 90's. Now in the new millennium people are living with AIDS but with such complicated problems as I've described herein. He can take his meds and go on with his life, whatever it is. But what about the wife and children he has left behind. How do we begin to understand and cope with the loss, even though he lives on….somewhere unbeknownst to us.

Any insight or help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Aids in the American Family Anonymous 10/23/05 02:32 AM
. * Re: Aids in the American Family Anonymous   10/30/05 03:33 AM
. * Re: Aids in the American Family Jackie_Blue   10/26/05 10:32 PM

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