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HIV Life >> Living With HIV


Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Alberta, Canada
6 months to life ...
      08/22/13 05:18 AM

What a difference 6 months can make! Well 7 months ago was the actual turning point for me, I was feeling horribly depressed, suicidal, drinking excessively, tired to the point I could hardly function. I quit my excellent paying job with a medical company, just because, I couldn’t handle it! I had a part-time job that I hated but loved, so indecisive! I struggled along with it just to make a little cash and pay for the booze I was drowning my sorrow and pain away with!

A month and a few days went by and I needed to find a real full-time job again, but I really could not face the job hunt, the chance that I might get hired, I felt horrible! I went to the doctor, felt I needed some kind of medication to get me stable enough to get back on the horse that bucked me off! Well that medication came in the form of being diagnosed with HIV!

As I sat in the office the day they called me back in to inform me of all the tests they had run on me the few days before, I felt prepared to get some wild crazy diagnosis that a few pills and some rest might resolve! The nurse leans in very sympathetic looking, getting ready to break some news to me, I smiled, asked “what? Why so serious” … she informed me I had tested positive for HIV. Wow, finally something that answered a whole bunch of questions! I startled her a little, she was waiting for that emotional melt down, sorry not from me! I was already thinking suicide and depressed thoughts so hey, now I might have an actual date with death coming up … and I had things to do!

I was very out-dated in my HIV thinking, I assumed I was destined for death, which I might add the ID doctor on my first visit and blood work did phone me immediately upon results and said to come in right away. With some infections in my body and the extremely low cd4 count, he did give me a time frame without meds, up to 6 months! That time he did appear quite serious, and since the suicide thing was kind of off the table by now, I went on meds! What a change, they promised me wild and crazy side effects, but nothing, so I jokingly told them I better go back to the booze instead! The meds did do better then what the doctor ordered! Of course with meds then they informed me I could live a long healthy life again, awesome because I had already made my plans of HOW to live my life!

In my quest for knowledge for this new feeling of WOW that I have, I went online and found “the body” chat site, and some amazing people, with amazing stories … stories of survival, stories of fear. My journey was well underway, my next doctor visit I was undetectable and my cd4’s still very low but recovering, physically and mentally I was a different person.

I was a horrible person before HIV, rude, self-centred, someone that people did not want to be around. I am a complete opposite today, I quit drinking on the spot, so I guess I celebrate that with this six month mile stone, HIV positive and sober! This week I started back at the full-time job I had left without reason 7 months ago when I wasn’t feeling good. My old boss actually called me up and asked how I was feeling and if I would be interested in working for her again! Can you believe something like that could happen?

I have some wonderful friends in person and on this chat site that want to share my journey, I don’t travel this path alone. I have renewed faith in a guiding greater power that challenged me with HIV, used it as the stick to beat some sense into me, and here I am! Found!

Six months ago I got some good news, it’s not something I would wish upon somebody, not something I would recommend someone to go out and find to make their life better. HIV doesn’t work that way, but when it does come to live with you, own it, make the best of it, use it as a tool to reflect on you the person, to better you as a person. It’s a wake up call, not as nasty as it used to be, but still something with you for life. Something that can, if allowed, rule your life … don’t let it! I’m still new on this journey, I don’t know what’s ahead, but I have today, probably tomorrow! HIV is with me to stay and it’s my six month anniversary this week!

anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* 6 months to life ... anotherday 08/22/13 05:18 AM
. * Re: 6 months to life ... rsmithson   09/03/13 09:19 PM
. * Re: 6 months to life ... riverprincessModerator   09/04/13 01:04 PM
. * Re: 6 months to life ... tippytu   08/25/13 04:33 AM
. * Re: 6 months to life ... riverprincessModerator   08/23/13 10:19 PM
. * Re: 6 months to life ... lilfshrmn   08/22/13 05:43 PM
. * Re: 6 months to life ... mark4586lopez   08/31/13 05:21 PM

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