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HIV Life >> Living With HIV


Reged: 05/06/05
Posts: 924
Loc: Los Angeles
Re: Long-time v. Newer Positive Status
      12/20/06 01:20 AM

The doctor who confirmed the Red Cross diagnosis of HIV (HTLVIII in those days) in September 1984 told me he was sorry but there was no cure and I should get ready to die. Needless to say that statement was quite a blow. For the next five years I lived with the threat of imminent death and watched as one by one all my friends died truly horrific deaths.

In 1990, I met a women, Beth Robinson, who had found a way out of dispair and anger upon learning from her husband as he lay on his deathbed with terminal toxoplasmosis that he did not have cancer but instead had AIDS, and had infected her. Beth and the people around her taught me to live in the moment and let the future unfold by itself.

As fine a thought as that is, it is much easier to do when you believe you don't have a future. Once Protease Inhibitors came along, everyone with HIV/AIDS was given back the promise of a future.

And as fine a thought as that is, living for tomorrow when you had been living in the moment is quite a change. Now we had to worry about our careers, and finding that perfect someone, and saving for retirement.

Here I am 22 years after my diagnosis often of two minds. One angry that I can't seem to get sick enough to qualify for disability retirement but just sick enough to be uncomfortable. And the other glad that I made it, if sad that most people I know did not.

Oh well, life is a river winding endlessly to the sea.


Life is a river.
Carpe diem.

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Long-time v. Newer Positive Status Since4Ever 12/19/06 05:27 PM
. * Re: Long-time v. Newer Positive Status ScotCharles   12/20/06 01:20 AM
. * Re: Long-time v. Newer Positive Status Since4Ever   12/20/06 02:28 PM

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