FAIRYTALES DID NOT COME TRUE!!!!!!!!!
03/07/05 12:27 PM
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Hello All that are reading this post....I have been around since last year as many of you may already know..I have come with so many different emotions and at times I look back and read the posts and wonder"was that really me writing and communicating with you all?"
I feel like the last year has been a nightmare and I keep waking each day and hoping that my life will be what it used to be before i contracted this virus. But each day I awake and it is the same outcome. I had, as many others do and did, such plans for my life and my life with my now husband.
Much of the plans were fairytale based and I guess right now I am going through the dark valley of the souls....I want to know so badly what happened to my dreams? where have they gone? what has happened to me? why have I changed so much over the last year because of a disease?
I have always considered myself a strong willed person BUT this virus is BREAKING me down. It is ruining my marriage, has stolen my dreams, hurt my loved ones and friends that know and completely altered everything that I have worked so hard for in my life and worked towards having.
I just needed to vent cause I feel like I am dying inside...little by little my soul is being eaten up and my heart is broken, which I wonder if I will ever get back my feelings of "being normal/feeling normal" again?????
I try to find my purpose now, I search, read books, inspiration, talk with friends, see my counselors and I still cant figure out why I was chosen to live a life this way...why are all of us chosen? why can some have everything and some have nothing? Have everything taken from them their whole lives? I am not sure when I awake in the morning if I should thank God anymore for living through the night?
I just dont know what I want with my life like this...no need to reply...just wanted to express some feelings...thanks for listening as always... to the good and the bad! Much love to my survivors and friends who are living with this each day! It is hard...very hard! Love ~Jessie~
HIV+ since 2-3-04 "God never promised that life would be easy, but he did promise to go each step of the way with you".
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FAIRYTALES DID NOT COME TRUE!!!!!!!!!
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