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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

New User

Reged: 03/15/13
Posts: 21
5 minutes, 5 months of Anxiety HELP!
      03/15/13 01:06 PM

Hi ! I am new to this site & i want to first start off by saying what a great place this is! I have browsed all over the internet & this seems to be the most informative and helpful community when it comes to HIV. But let's get down to the nitty-gritty . I finally buckled down , sucked it up , & decided to make an account after reading posts & searching all over the internet , & checking symptoms on almost everyday - thinking any of it would help.

Background info (im going to try to make this as short as possible)-
I am a 21 year old black gay male. I was a pretty in-home kind of kid and my mom was very protective of her kids. Come to find out she has HIV & always did her best to keep us safe & drill it in our heads to be safe as much as possible. Being that i didnt get out much , when i got to college, I CUT UP!!! ANyway my roommate whom was also gay told me about a "spa" with hot naked guys . I was very intrigued and went to the bath house. It was always my intention to just browse and get an eyefull of what i had been missing , never thought i would engage in anything (even though they did hand out condoms as you entered). ON one occasion, in mid October 2012, I had went to the bath house from a good night of partying & drinks. I saw this Tall , very attractive light-skinned black guy in his late 20s- mid 40s (big gap , i know , but idk his age lol) . I never thought this guy would engage in any kind of conversation , let alone contact. Long story short he persuaded this average looking , over-weight guy that I was actually sexy & that plus the drinks was enough to get some things started. It would be my first time actually having INTERCOURSE (Ive only had oral before). We went into a room , i informed him since i wasnt experienced much , i was NOT going to be the receiving partner, He gave me oral both front & back , I returned with the same then his legs went up & i pumped in his anus with my uncircumcised penis for maybe a minute if that , then he got on top and rode on top for a couple minutes. (Sorry for the explicit content, just trying to get the best help by being detailed) . After a couple minutes of fooling around my friend came up to where we were & informed me it was time to leave. I got the guys number and left.

The next day , after sobering up , I was TERRIFIED at my actions! I immediately called the guy & straight up told him that i dont mean to offend him in anyway, but i made a HUGE STUPID mistake! I then asked him did he have HIV .... I will never forget when he replied "You Good...." in a slightly nonchalant voice. I said what does that mean , once again replied "You Good!!!" this time in a reassuring voice. I got mad , said ok , and hung up.

Since that night in October 2012, I have been snooping the internet more than Nev from the show Catfish. (for those who will catch that reference) His FaceBook is pretty much all blocked although i found one picture of him with a red ribbon on it (which scared me sh*tless)! I had remembered him also showing me a porn while we were there & saying he was with one of the porn stars. Every time i cough I could almost cry , My throat was hurting 1 day & i went into depression for a day. Ive been checking all over my body for swollen lymph nodes & havent found any that i know of. no dry skin patches, no high fever. I found a small lump-ish thing at the back of my tongue which scared the hell outta me. I havent been able to smell anything to well in a while , but i do have allergies so im blaming that on allergies for now. My upper back was hurting for a couple days but i blame that on sitting incorrectly at the computer all day slouched over. One day while watching a movie , eating popcorn & orange sodas , i became really light headed & faint & almost went to the emergency room , but after a nap i was ok , the next day , it happened again but once again i slept it off. It hasnt happened since but i think it could have been high blood pressure from me worrying SOOOOO much and having SEVERE anxiety about this situation and not knowing....

So by this point you're all saying , why dont you just get tested already!!! Well , here's the thing , No one in my immediate family owns a car . There is no public transportation in my neighborhood. and to top it all off , my insurance had expired! I just renewed it but it takes them FOREVER to actually approve it . I had to cancel an appointment already because i would have had to pay out of pocket. I have another appt. coming up march 19th. I cant wait because i am soooo tired of worrying , stressing and this anxiety over a single cough and other maybe (hopefully) small things. I chose my username for this site to be Glass Half Full because I feel like everything happens for a reason & i will not be miserable no matter what the result , I will just try to educate and inspire others & live my life to the fullest as usual. I thank my mom for instilling that in our minds that we dont need a pity party & i wont pity myself. However the not knowing part is the part that has me feeling this way now...

So please , all responses are greatly appreciated..... ANy comment , & if any professional reads this , do you think im infected and your comments are very welcome also! Thanks for reading this really long post. (Sorry ) GOD BLESS YOU ALL !!!

Edited by GlassHalfFull (03/15/13 01:10 PM)

Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* 5 minutes, 5 months of Anxiety HELP! GlassHalfFull 03/15/13 01:06 PM
. * Re: 5 minutes, 5 months of Anxiety HELP! GlassHalfFull   03/22/13 06:13 PM
. * Re: 5 minutes, 5 months of Anxiety HELP! GlassHalfFull   03/19/13 08:50 AM
. * Re: 5 minutes, 5 months of Anxiety HELP! gigiModerator   03/15/13 01:26 PM
. * Re: 5 minutes, 5 months of Anxiety HELP! GlassHalfFull   03/15/13 01:34 PM

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