Re: dead man, dead man walking - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

Reality Check Time.

I, like you, went through the same thing. When you stray, cheat, whatever, and you are a decent sort, you regret it the second it is over.

Then, the worry about STDs and HIV starts. For me, it started almost instantly.

I, literally, almost ruined my career because I, like you, simply drifted through every day. I didn't give a damn that my phone was ringing off the hook or that emails went unread and/or unanswered for days. All I could do was surf the web, worry, cry and stumble around. I couldn't wait to go to bed just to stop thinking about it for a few hours. Then, I'd wake up and it would start all over again.

You HAVE to do a few things for yourself:

1. You have to take a realistic look at your exposure and look at the odds of infection. My guess...the odds are infintessimally (sp?) small.

2. If you have tested past 6 weeks or so, you have to take great solace in that. It likely would be some sort of medical anamoly for you to be infected if you are past the 6 week mark.

3. You have to forgive yourself and chalk it up to experience. Learn from this. If your marriage is crummy and that's why you cheated, fix your marriage or move on. But...you can't unring the bell. It happened and its over. Think 2x about telling your wife. What she doesn't know won't hurt her and telling her might relieve your anxiety and might simply transfer it to her...so think about it. I told my wife to ease my own guilt and it just (kinda) made things worse.

4. Relieve some of your stress. If you like to work out...go and work out like crazy...and then go have a couple of beers.

5. Remember...your symptoms are guilt and stress related...they are...trust me...I've had everything. I used to carry a thermometer around with me and check my temp at work every hour or so. I poked and prodded myself. It was pathetic. I was convinced that I was going to turn up positive.

6. When you find out everything is ok...and you will...take solace in that, move on and don't make the same mistake again.

Peace

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