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HIV Life >> Gay Men

Canadaboi23
Newbie

Reged: 02/02/14
Posts: 1
Making Love and Rejection
      02/02/14 02:37 PM

So here is my story. Words I have never expressed before to anyone and a feeling I have struggled with for years. Since I was 19 years of age, I have had the desire to have emotionless, anonymous sex with strangers in addition to and in lieu of being with my boyfriends over the years. I understand that this has to do with feeling wanted and desired by others but the biggest problem is that rarely in my life have I ever felt like I was making actual love to a partner. Perhaps it is just a matter of sexual chemistry. I have been married to my husband for 9 years now. I love him very much but we do not have sex. I cannot seem to get out of the pattern of seeking the thrill of being with someone new and once I have that person I don't feel the need to be with them again unless the sex is really good. I feel that my behaviour has really prevented me from feeling like I can make love. Here is the interesting part. When we were on vacation a few years ago, we met this guy and I was very drawn to him. When we had sex I felt connected to him in a way I should feel with my husband. I felt like the connection was so intense that he was making love to me. After we kept in touch when I came back to Canada but after awhile I realized that although our time together was short I feel hard and it was not fair to my partner. I cut the relationship off. Shortly after doing that I found out I was HIV positive. I have pulled away emotionally even more from my husband and we continue in the unhealthy circle of sleeping with other people and not appreciating each other or connecting sexually. Am I alone in my feeling of never feeling like I can make love? I am welcome to solutions. My husband is also HIV positive so that is a non-issue. He also did not infect me so it's not a matter of resentment. Please help with your advice.

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Making Love and Rejection Canadaboi23 02/02/14 02:37 PM
. * Re: Making Love and Rejection anotherday   02/08/14 10:54 AM
. * Re: Making Love and Rejection riverprincessModerator   02/03/14 03:16 PM

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