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HIV Life >> Gay Men


Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1131
Loc: GA, USA
Re: Negative male in need of advise
      08/08/12 04:44 PM

Here's my dear abby advice.

You have a fear of infection and are not comfortable enough to engage in any activity that may pose any risk (albeit very small with protected sex and an undetectable partner). There is nothing wrong with that fear, its legitimate and valid. Telling him you have this fear is your best bet. One of several things will happen when you do.

It could open up a dialog where you two can formulate an idea of what is acceptable risk and what isn't, what you are willing to never do, will do, and what you may become comfortable doing. Compromising somewhere in the middle and allowing yourselves to evolve in a relationship.

He could use the guilt card to pressure his way into what he wants. Saying things like you must not love me, etc. (Which kind of sounds like he is already doing) If that is the case then I suggest leaving it isn't worth the time or effort to continue the relationship in that case. He is being selfish and is unwilling to take your feelings into consideration. And believe me when I say if he does it in this area he will do it in others. Causing you to sacrifice more and more without ever getting anything in return.

He could get angry and end things. This possibility is real and shouldn't be a bad thing. If he does his loss, not yours. Proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is an ass.

You could also ask that the two of you meet with a therapist at a local AIDS organization (they are also called by safe sex councilors) More an more HIV clinics are offering this service and for free to discuss concerns and facts with you and your partner. In fact most of them aren't even requiring that one of you be positive they are offering it to negative couples as well. There they will help you two negotiate what risks you are willing to take and what alternatives there are to consider.

Any way you look at it you will need to stand up and state your feelings to him and stick by your needs as well as considering his. Working out a compromise where both parties are happy with the results will be the key if you wish the relationship to continue.

But it is up to you and him to work it out. No amount of advice will solve the issue.

Btw I am hiv positive and was in a relationship with a negative guy, so don't feel like I am coming down hard on him because of his status. I would come down equally hard on you had you said that you wanted more but he felt uncomfortable.

Anyway good luck.

Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Negative male in need of advise mhd8912 08/08/12 05:50 AM
. * Re: Negative male in need of advise A_reason2smile   08/12/12 03:44 AM
. * Re: Negative male in need of advise Starboy   08/10/12 12:31 PM
. * Re: Negative male in need of advise renegade   08/09/12 08:16 PM
. * Re: Negative male in need of advise kicker   08/08/12 04:44 PM
. * Re: Negative male in need of advise kicker   08/08/12 04:48 PM

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