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HIV Life >> Gay Men

New User

Reged: 03/18/11
Posts: 1
Loc: Los Angeles
Re: Unhappy with my life
      03/18/11 06:24 AM

Hi There--Your post makes me wistful and somewhat sad, because altho' I know nothing, really, about your life, I fear you may be passing up something altogether rare and special that may haunt you with recrimination as you grow older and (the gods forbid) pass away. Here's my perspective: I learned my own father was Gay while I was attending academy, around the age of 15. Up until then I'd spent untold energy hiding my real self from everyone, but most especially from my parents as they'd always expressed such high (and self-serving) expectations of me and my future life. Anyway, that drama would take pages just to outline, so I'll get to the point. My dad is now 83, going strong, and while he tries not to show it, is always on the verge of a hysterical, emotional collapse. He has become so dependent on my domineering mother, and waits on her hand and foot (she used guilt and religion to train him after she discovered his tendencies when she returned early from her job as a nurse and found him in bed with another man). It confounds my imagination to wonder what he'll do if she departs before he does. As far as I know, and I think I know just about everything concerning this issue, my father hasn't had a satisfying physical or emotional relationship with anyone of any sex since he fought in Korea and had a relationship with the man I'm named after. He is naturally subservient and self-effacing (an "Omega Male"), and now he seems to demonstrate a total lack of self-worth, any expectation of deference or respect from anyone, anymore concern for his own right to dignity, happiness and "the good things in life" than he had as a child. He is the most likable, gregarious, entertaining individual imaginable. Each week, some 20 to 25 of his former employees take him out to eat, but not a one of them has a clue what he endures in his private life, the needs that aren't met, the (probable, but unexpressed) wish that he'd lived his life differently. Of course, he's of an entirely different generation and I have dedicated myself passionately to living my life in an entirely different way; however, my concern for you is that you are putting the most precious of life's gifts on a back burner and instead dedicating yourself to a diversion which probably won't outlast you and which will never grant you the satisfaction or excitement or just plain care that you might get from taking a chance on a relationship with another human. Have you considered the possibility that you may be a "workaholic," addicted to your work as a way of avoiding the passage of life? Or perhaps dedication or guilt connected to your sense of fatherhood is interfering with your willingness to pursue or be pursued by this new friend? Many other possibilities come to mind. Frankly, all I really know is that I don't know. Perhaps a therapist would? It seems to me like the most logical and productive course you could take. Please just don't end up "married" to your job. At the very least, in the current economy when people who have worked at a firm for 25-30 or more years are getting their pink slips, relying on one's work to replace human affection should give one pause. My thoughts and hopes are with you. I wish I were wise and could say something definitive, but all I can do is share my own observation, experiences, and hope they provide even a crumb of assistance to you in this struggle.

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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Unhappy with my life *DELETED* njpozdad 03/09/11 01:35 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life riverprincessModerator   02/08/12 02:35 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life NcLongtermer   02/07/12 09:05 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life Pozince78   03/18/11 06:24 AM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life MikeNUSA   03/17/11 06:23 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life njpozdad   03/18/11 12:13 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life psgoodguy   03/17/11 05:30 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life NcLongtermer   03/17/11 05:27 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life MissouriMammal   03/11/11 06:00 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life njpozdad   03/12/11 06:56 AM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life kicker   03/10/11 06:24 PM
. * Re: Unhappy with my life njpozdad   03/11/11 01:54 PM

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