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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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Reged: 01/13/11
Posts: 4
I think I'm in love.....
      03/17/11 04:26 PM

I am writing this because I don't know who to turn to. I am in my mid 30's, and single. I feel extremely shy in social situations, so it's hard for me to talk to people at times. There is this library that I go to here in Staten Island, NY and I have been going there for years now. I have had my eyes on this guy who works there as a library assistant. I have secretely admired him since he started working there years ago. He is just so beautiful and sexy, and seems very sweet. All I could do is think about him. But the problems are that, I don't know anything about him. I don't even know his name, cause I'm too scared to find out. I have been trying to go on search engines to get his name but I have had no luck at all. I figure that if I could at least get his name I can find out a bit more about him on some type of social network, and then deal with the situation accordingly. For years I have tried to push these very strong feelings that I have for him aside, thinking I was just being silly, but I always go back to thinking about him and what it would be like to be with him, if at least for a night. I have been thinking about approaching him, so I can tell him how I feel, maybe ask him out for some tea (or something), but that's not very easy to do. He also seems like he is way younger than me, like maybe in his early 20's. It has gotten to the point where I just want him to know how I feel, even if he does not say anything back to me I want him to know. A few weeks ago (for the first time) he gave me eye contact that seemed to last forever, and I sometimes feel like he knows that I want him . Then this week something happened that I found strange. I was at the library again doing "research" like I do every Wednesday, (the day when he is working there), and I was minding my business, and using the library computer. I was looking around a bit to see if he was working there that day, and started to become a bit disappointed that I did not see him. About 45 mins passed and as I looked away from the computer again to "rest my eyes", I saw him walking into the computer adult section and his eyes seemed glued to me. I froze a bit, and I felt like my blood went from my toes to my head. I must have been blushing lol! So I felt a lot of different feelings that moment all of which I can't really descibe, but I felt so happy to see him. Almost like I could breathe again. So when I was done with the computer, I started to head out to leave that floor, to use the restroom. But before I left I looked at him again, but he did not give me eye contact cause he was sitting down in the computer area looking like he was thinking about something. I went to use the restroom and when I finished (and washed my hands) I decided to organize my messenger bag in the restroom, and while I was doing that someone came into the restroom, but I was not really looking at who it was for I thought it was a homeless person or something. My back was turned to the stallls as I organized my papers near the sink, and when I finished and turned around there he was using one of the stalls. Thoughout all the years I have been going the library I have never seen him in the restroom. Are you kidding me (I thought) this is like my dream lol!! This is the way I always fantasicized about it all happening with him. And the restroom was empty, except for him and me. But I did not want to seem like a freak, or something and stay to talk to him, or (re-use) the other stall next to him. So I left. I then had a great feeling, so decided to go back downstairs to the computer section, to look at ref books or something, but I was late to class, so I started to leave the library. As I left I saw him come out the restroom, but he did not see me. I don't know if it was just me but I saw him head into the staff office looking a bit down, as I headed out the door. I now regret not saying something in that restroom, I could've at least said "hey" or something. I'm about to give up on this because it's become tiring and I have become impatient with myself. And a lot of the time all I can think about is what are the negative things that can happen if I tell him. I am older than him, HIV positive and he is probably not even gay. Why would he want to be with me when he can have anyone he wants : * / I have such strong feelings for this guy I sometimes cry at night out of frustration. I have not been in love for a very long time because I told myself that I would never put myself in that situation again. I have been celebate for many years. But here comes this beautiful stranger and I am all vulnerable again, I love this feeling but I also don't like putting myself in this situation. I think I really am in love with him I just can't get him out of my mind, all day everyday. I need advice. Please help!!?? If only I could get his name that would be sweeet.
Anyways thanks for reading, and if you have any thoughts or advice, please respond.

TY for your time (Sorry for the lengthy post lol) and god bless all of you!

Edited by joejoe5673 (03/26/11 03:02 AM)

Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* I think I'm in love..... joejoe5673 03/17/11 04:26 PM
. * I was touched by your story...... CubanBoy   06/22/11 08:35 PM
. * Re: I think I'm in love..... joejoe5673   06/08/11 03:46 PM
. * Re: I think I'm in love..... njpozdad   04/30/11 11:31 AM

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