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Reged: 02/09/11
Posts: 2
serodiscordant relationship advice
      02/19/11 09:48 AM

Hi, Just thought I'd share my experience and maybe get some advice. I've been finding it quite hard to deal with life recently and I'm honestly quite lost.

I'm 30 years old and was diagnosed positive last summer, it really came as a shock since I've always been quite responsible when it came to sex, I've only had unprotected sex with 3 men in my whole life, one of them my current partner, we trusted each other and didn't use protection for over a year, he got tested a few months after I was diagnosed and results were negative, I'm really happy for him and I want his status to remain that way.

We really love each other and aside from a few minor issues that I suppose happen in every relationship I am convinced I want to be with him for life. I started treatment right after i was diagnosed and I'm undetectable and very healthy. My sex drive is normal but still I'm very frustrated, It's been over 9 months since I had sex.

When we've discussed the subject he always tells me I should be patient and that he needs to reach a point in which he will be financially able to take the risk of being with me again ( It's the same when I talk to him about living together). The problem is he does occasionally sleep with other men, his position is he is human and has urges and I have to accept that since it's not his fault I am in this situation and can't expect him to just stop having sex. Also, since he's not open about his occasional flings, I've also found I've turned into a really jealous and insecure person, and I don't think that's healthy either.

This whole situation has me completely frustrated, I'm human too and sometimes it can get very lonely. It's really hard to want to be with someone in that way and not knowing if it's ever going to happen.

I don't know what to think. I mean... we had unprotected sex for such a long time, I wasn't even on ARVs and he's fine. Is it really such a big risk now? I think things would be much easier if I wasn't that much in love, should I just forget about the fact that he's not being faithful? Should I start looking for sex elsewhere and just be happy with having a "platonic" relationship with him?

On top of everything I'm in a country where hiv is still taboo, so I get very insecure about it, I'm not even sure someone would accept being with me knowing i'm positive. What is the usual dating etiquette when it comes to hiv status? Should it be disclosed straight away or can it wait until things start getting serious? Wouldn't people just feel betrayed and run away?

This whole situation has me completely confused and depressed, I want to be patient I keep thinking things will get better but time just keeps passing by and I don't want to spend my life waiting for something that might not even happen.

What should I do? Has anybody been through a similar situation? Is it possible that over time we'll leave these things behind and regain normality? Or maybe he just doesn't want to commit or doesn't love me enough to see past this? Should I take some time for myself at the risk of losing what i have with him?

Thanks for reading,

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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* serodiscordant relationship advice copb00 02/19/11 09:48 AM
. * Re: serodiscordant relationship advice iam1   03/03/11 05:27 AM
. * Re: serodiscordant relationship advice John_79   03/02/11 03:40 AM
. * Re: serodiscordant relationship advice Chloe1023   02/25/11 05:39 PM
. * Re: serodiscordant relationship advice kicker   02/21/11 02:57 PM

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