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HIV Life >> Gay Men

ffrbel
Newbie

Reged: 11/19/07
Posts: 5
Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible
      11/19/07 10:03 PM

Hello,

This is the first time I'm posting on this web-site. I feel horrible inside and need advice.

I am a gay male, 28 years old and have been HIV + for three years and have been off the dating scene since I was diagnosed - I rarely went out on any dates and did not have much sexual interaction other than a few one night stands.

Two weekends ago I went to go visit a friend in Florida. While there, I ended up meeting a guy that I really connected with and went home with him on that Saturday night after being out at a bar. We had unprotected sex (he was the top, I was the bottom)...he did not question my status and I did not disclose. On Sunday night I spent the night again at his place and we had unprotected sex again (he was the top, I was the bottom). We never discussed status that night either.

On Monday I left Florida and the guy that I met and I exchanged numbers and discussed the possibility of meeting up again soon. While I was in the airport, waiting to leave Florida back home to NYC, I received a text message from him that said "I know it's a little late but we didn't use condoms and didn't talk about status...I am neg" I responded to his text by saying "It's okay, I am neg too" which is quite possibly the worst lie I have ever told to anybody. I do not know why I responded that I was negative, I am so ashamed of myself that I not only lied but also put him at risk.

I am back in NYC and we've been chatting almost every day since I left Florida. I still have not disclosed my positive status. He is actually coming up to visit me in NYC for 3 days the second weekend in December so that we can have some "quality" time together getting to know each other better. I know that I have to tell him the truth when he gets here but I'm so afraid of how he's going to react. Not only did I put him at risk but I lied abouit my status when I was asked the question.

Part of me wants to tell him now, before he makes the trip up to NYC, but another part of me wants to wait until he gets here so that we can have the conversation in person.

Please let me know your thoughts on this situation. I am truly sick just thinking about my lie and the fact that I put soomebody at risk of contracting the virus. Even worse, this is the first guy who I've had very strong feelings for in a very long time and the feel of rejection from him would quite possible crush me.

Thanks to all for your advice.

Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible ffrbel 11/19/07 10:03 PM
. * Re: Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible drnsee   12/23/07 02:10 AM
. * Re: Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible SteveA   12/11/07 02:55 AM
. * Re: Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible gray   11/20/07 04:29 PM
. * Re: Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible Bear60   11/20/07 04:49 PM
. * Re: Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible vokz   11/20/07 03:11 AM
. * Re: Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible DJ2007   11/23/07 04:11 AM
. * Re: Put Somebody At Risk & Feel Horrible ffrbel   11/21/07 11:35 PM

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