22 poz..stopped taking meds/not disclosing status
06/21/05 12:02 AM
i was diagnosed hiv+ december 2003. i had an insane viral load of over a million. my initial cd4 was 280. i began taking medication and within 2 months i gained back the 50 pounds of weight i lost and became healthier than ive ever been before. i took my medication for a year and did very well taking it. january of 2005 i decided to stop taking my medication because i wanted to try to fight the virus by healthy and natural means. i have been medication free for six months and i am feeling just great. i hope i can go without medication for many years. taking the medication is a constant reminder of the virus in my body. now that i dont take any meds i rarely think of myself as sick. i have a very difficult time disclosing my status to partners, so i have chosen to go the dishonorable route. i have protected anal sex with any and all partners, but i still fear of infecting someone. i dont think i can mentally nor emotionally take rejection again because of my status. can anyone relate to my issues? anyone not taking meds and staying completely healthy? will i get horribly sick again a year or two? anyone being intimate with men on a "safe" level while not disclosing status? i just need someone to relate to. i have no positive friends and i am going insane living life as an out gay man with a closeted poz status.
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