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HIV Life >> Gay Men

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Reged: 07/02/04
Posts: 1
Loc: California
surprise, I'm not positive after all.
      07/02/04 06:33 AM

To make a long story short, my boyfriend is poz. When we met we always practiced safer sex, but after awhile we got sloppier and eventually gave up. I tie most of it to my depression cycles. I presumed for two years that I was poz but kept putting of the test until I had insurance. I recently went in to begin treatments only to discover I was still negative. That should be great news, but now the boyfriend's way of coping is to stop having sex with me entirely and propose that he only has sex (bareback no less) with other poz guys outside of our relationship. That's threatening to me on so many levels because he has always said that he is monogamous by nature because he cannot divorce sex and romance. I never was much for monogamy before him, but I wanted us to both be happy and secure. Oddly enough the tables are turned now. I'm the one getting lonely and jealous and he hasn't even done it yet. I'm a versatile bottom, but the poz boyfriend is top only. He's also too big for much oral and both our favorites is for him to top me anyhow. Now that I know I'm negative we are both repledging to keep it that way and addressing the reasons we let it slip in the first place. But there's more! He only just revealed to me last night (with many tears) that he's almost certain he infected a previous boyfriend due to a broken condom. He's never talked about it even to that exboyfriend.

So many different issues to address. But here I am asking for stories and ideas from other serodiscordant couples. How do you cope with re-eroticising condoms after so long without them? How might I alleviate his fears of infecting me. How do I hang on to a relationship strained in this way. I like to bareback, too; but if he's truly that concerned about infecting me, then I'd rather commit to condoms 100% and return to monogamy. There are other STDs and the data is starting to come in on superinfection. Why bother to play with others bareback when we used to have a great sex life--both before and after we made the transition to bareback. Surely we can find that again and keep it.

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* surprise, I'm not positive after all. multitasker 07/02/04 06:33 AM
. * Re: surprise, I'm not positive after all. Anonymous   08/30/04 03:14 AM
. * Re: surprise, I'm not positive after all. Anonymous   07/04/04 06:30 PM

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