Not sure what I'm feeling ... - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

Last Friday, 9.18.09, I found out from my doctor that I was HIV+. About 3 weeks previous to that I came down with a terrible 'flu', as I was diagnosed by one physician, and it is just starting to go away. This doctor never asked me any questions, just gave me a prescription for Tamiflu and that was it. I knew something wasn't right, this was NOT the flu, so on to a new provider. I saw a nurse practitioner that was great, she first did actual tests for the flu/mono/strep. They all came back negative. By the next visit I had been having this fever etc. for almost 3 weeks. I asked her to test me for all the HepA,B,C CMV and HIV. Everything was negative except the HIV, confirmed by the Western Blot. I work in healthcare, did research in HIV, and here I am - knowing too much about this to do anything about it.

I guess I have started to approach this from the 'what can I do to help myself live the best life I can', 'what do I need to do next', 'what tests are next', etc. I have not dealt with the the emotions, I have not cried, I have not felt much at all! I went straight from the doctor back to work and back to life. I have told one friend about this - but I don't think I'm going to share it with my family - not at this point. My parents are old and I don't want them to spend the rest of their lives worrying about me. I know that with the treatments out there I will outlive them - so I would rather just keep this to myself in that regard.

I guess too I am scared as hell. I'm a 31yo males in Washington. I want to fall in love - but now I feel like I won't be wanted. I'm scared to be alone in this - partially by choice with my family - but partially because now I'm positive - or as some would say "not clean".

I have no idea with my viral load is, or CD4/CD8, that is all still pending.

I would love to get some support from a place like this. Thebody.com is full of great articles - I am really hooked on realding all the good articles.

So guys/gals I would love to hear your words - what did you do next? When did you feel all this? I trust I can figure out the medical options that are available - but the rest is just a mystery to me - what do I do ?

Post Extras: Remind Me!