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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

pozpete
Newbie

Reged: 04/21/08
Posts: 8
on the rollercoaster of HIV
      04/23/08 01:46 PM

Hi all,
First I want to say just reading through the posts and responses here have been helpful for me.
I have been sick for over a year with the doctors unable to figure out what was going on. About 7 weeks ago (a little more than a week before a vacation trip to New Zealand from California) I went into a walk-in clinic and asked for the full gamut of STD tests including hep and hiv. I didn't think it was a high pobability since I have been very good about being protected when having intercourse-even though I have had multiple partners of both sexes. Test results weren't back by the time we left for New Zealand (which was unsettling). So, I called the clinic from New Zealand and demanded my results, which they gave me by phone: HIV+, everything else neg.
That day we got my wife tested (neg.) and made an appt. for me to see a doc the next day. They counseled and gave me a cd4 count test which came out at 22. and I was told to go home to seek treatment. --which was the last thing I wanted to do. But we made the right decision and arranged flights back and explained what was going on to my inlaws that we were staying with (that was no fun).
After a week of being back here in Ca. and only being able to see social workers and not getting an appt with a specialist, I went into the emergency room of a good hospital. Because of all my symptoms (night sweats, high temp, extreme swelling of lymph nodes in my neck, extreme fatigue, significant weight loss...) they figured i had a opp. infection. After tons of tests, painful procedures, and a lymph node biopsy the atripla started to do its magic and all the symptoms started going away.... I was discharged after a week (3week ago) and since have had good service. My CD4 is up to 27 (from 15 in the hospital) and my VL is down to 128. I had to go off the atripla because the sustiva ruined my liver function. I almost seem to be stagnating on the new combo: truvada and kaletra. and the swelling and lumps on my neck have come back in the last few days. I have an appt to look at that tomorrow.
So, the medical treatment has been the best I have ever experienced in the states, but my I am still riding this intense emotional rollercoaster of ups and downs. Sometimes I can see all the positives, like it is so easy to look at my life and know what is important and what isn't, personal relationships are deeper, and my wife is the best supportive partner one could have. But other times it hits me like a ton of bricks that I have advanced AIDS and my life will never be the same. I can't imagine feeling comfortable having (even protected) sex with anyone, because I seems I got it from protected sex or unprotected oral or a condom failure that I was unaware of. Sometimes I wish that if this was my future, that I was able to enjoy promicuity and unsafe sex that I never allowed myself to have.
I don't know if counselling one on one or social activities with people that have more experience being HIV+ would be more helpful.
It's hard because sometimes I feel so strong and other times I just cry, feel sorry for myself and feel like its just not fair. Damn it!
Well I didn't mean to write a book...but thats my story, for now.
-pete

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* on the rollercoaster of HIV pozpete 04/23/08 01:46 PM
. * Re: on the rollercoaster of HIV sunflower   04/30/08 10:07 PM
. * Re: on the rollercoaster of HIV OldiewithAIDS   05/01/08 09:46 AM

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