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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

aloneindc
New User

Reged: 10/14/07
Posts: 3
Loc: Washington DC
Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated
      10/14/07 08:28 PM

I am in my early 20s. Iíve never had unprotected sex and am hardly out of the closet Ė Iíve only had sex twice in the past year. I have always been so cautious about transmitting anything, but about a month ago I was diagnosed HIV positive. Iím going crazy trying to figure out how this happened and am constantly feeling depressed, defeated, and anxious. Iíve dreamt and prepared my whole life for a career that I can no longer pursue. Iím lonely and ashamed.

Worst of all, though, Iím afraid of dying alone and being unhappy until that day. I have a family who loves me very much, but they can never know about thisÖ and my friends, well - I have begun to push them away.

I know I can live with this for a long time, - but Iím more afraid of life than death. And honestly, I donít have the courage to off myself Ė I love my family too much to put them through anything like that. I would rather suffer quietly and just wait it out. I cry randomly throughout the day, and on weekends hardly get out of bed.



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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated aloneindc 10/14/07 08:28 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated txboyaucoeur   10/23/07 03:35 AM
. * Re: can't stop crying debfree   10/22/07 03:42 PM
. * Re: can't stop crying oldwoman   10/22/07 05:13 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated OldiewithAIDS   10/21/07 04:47 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated SAlady   10/19/07 07:14 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated sportsfaninsf   10/18/07 10:36 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated linkon123   10/18/07 03:23 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated gray   10/18/07 03:36 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated allura74   10/18/07 02:18 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Scooter   10/17/07 08:14 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated oldwoman   10/17/07 12:23 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated mountainman   10/16/07 01:46 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Survivor   10/16/07 11:01 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated impoz   10/16/07 10:12 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Leonardo   10/15/07 10:49 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated hopefulindy   02/20/08 03:31 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Florida69   10/15/07 01:31 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated gray   10/15/07 02:23 AM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Jackie__Blue   10/14/07 08:52 PM
. * Re: Lonely, Ashamed, Defeated Survivor   10/14/07 08:34 PM

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