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Reged: 07/21/08
Posts: 4
My outlook from hiv
      07/21/08 02:36 AM

Anyways I just wanted to share my story and see if anyone can relate. I'm 21 years old and in March 2008 i found out my positive status. I was totally scared at first like everyone who gets the news that they are positive because obviously hiv is a scary thing. I believe that I caught the virus in late November of 2007. The seroconversion was the worst sickness in my life. 2+ weeks fully in bed with a 100+ fever. I didn't feel fully better for another 2 months.

months went by from November and I constantly had the thought of getting a hiv test done but was still hesitant. I finally got tested and learned the sad news. The days were so sad because i was grieving for myself and I so happened to tell my family and they were grieving for me also, so it was a pretty sad family then.

I know there are reasons to hope that I can still live a perfectly (so called) normal life when/if I need to start taking the meds. my numbers are 254 cd4 270000 viral load and my doctors took a antiviral sensitivity test and luckily my hiv isn't resistant to any of the hiv meds.

With contacting hiv I have reached a new low in my life. I just wish things would get better. I have always wanted a bf but being positive has made it so much harder to find one and the motivation has gone away. Motivation on a lot of things has gone away because the fear of rejection and the dirtyness I feel inside.

I would like to say that Hiv hasn't totally screwd up my outlook on life but it has. Now I say to myself "What's the point of starting the hiv meds, I know I have a high viral load but the thought of not taking them hopefully dieing from aids hopefully in the next 10 years to be so much more gratifying. I'm suprised I haven't done something so foolish yet because of this.

The dreams i thought I could achieve are now 100 fold more harder. I know I'm now just rambling on now but I had to let it out.

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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* My outlook from hiv car2d2 07/21/08 02:36 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Rich_Braun   07/31/08 01:55 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Latino   07/29/08 02:31 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv balzac70   07/25/08 03:38 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Ryan1980   07/25/08 01:17 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Florida69   07/25/08 01:58 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Nuala   07/25/08 11:52 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv garret99   07/25/08 09:21 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv baker   07/25/08 02:51 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Brian360   07/25/08 01:28 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv teardrop   07/24/08 11:46 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv coloradoguy   07/24/08 11:33 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Samurai   07/23/08 12:23 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv dancin_man   07/22/08 07:20 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv August69   07/22/08 05:58 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Survivor   07/22/08 03:46 AM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Bear60   07/21/08 04:04 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv oldwoman   07/21/08 01:05 PM
. * Re: My outlook from hiv Florida69   07/21/08 03:08 AM

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