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HIV Life >> Living With HIV


Reged: 03/21/05
Posts: 846
Telling the IN-LAWS
      05/17/05 08:07 PM

Hi All,
I'm a regular around here, but find myself really needing help. I've missed touching base with my poz support groups, due to job, kids, and just day to day going by so I'm glad I have my family here, so thanks to all.
My question (and I'm findiing it tough to avoid these days)
My husbands family does not know about my status. When we firsted decided not to tell them, it was because I didn't want his mother to worry (being a mother myself, and knowing what it did to my mother), and she knows I work w/ people w/ hiv. But as years went by, I've learned how much she didn't know about hiv. How she thought she could get it by touching some "mess" (maybe spit) at a store, (she really freaked, but only afraid of hiv). She used to be a nurse, okay, but back in the early 80s (and you know what that means), it wasn't known how it was contracted, and people basically found out because they were dying. But now, I am tired of being in the dark about hiv. My husband and I have had a baby (healthy). I've never been ashamed of my hiv status, nor do I want to act like I am. Another reason I've started to keep it a secret was because of my son, who was less than 10 years old, and I didn't want people (his friends, or their families for that matter) to be afraid of him, or tease him. But when the time was right, I finally told him what the "germ" was called that his mommy had. He compltely understood, and isn't ashamed in anyway. But also understands, its not something you go around telling people (unless HE chooses to). But he is not afraid of how people will treat him. My 13 year old knows more than my 50 yr old mother in law.
Part of me wants to say something about my status, because i know she would NOT want me in her life if she knew (part of me also thinks thats a relief, lol), and how can I call her my family if she is not willing to accept me for who and what I am. But then I feel like, I should leave well enough alone and not saying anything still (mind you, my husband and I are going on 10 yrs almost). I've tried talking to her about hiv, but it seems that every time we get into the education part of it, she completely drops the subject!!
Even when my baby was born (who, mind you is a product of his hiv infected mother), I was taking him to visit some co-workers. She said to me "well, your not giong to bring him around the patients, are you?" I was SO mad, WHY would I not allow my son to be near someone with hiv. I told her, "it depends on the patient, if it is someone I know, then of course they will see the baby". I'm sure she didn't like that, but didn't say anything because it is not her business. But I'm sure she had plenty to say behind my back!! (I Know her).
I also know (becuase of her other grandchild)....if she knew about my status, (and this part would really crack me up) she would try to take me for custody (becuase to her...I am going to die anyway).
Maybe I should leave well enough alone, but I'm tired of "pretending" this is NOT part of my life. I always make it a point to tell his family know how important hiv is to me...but they think its just because it is my work!! Its not my is my LIFE. for the first 7 yrs of my diagnosis...I've always been open about it...because I knew to myself....if you were going to walk out of my life because of really have no business being part of it!! and now that all this time has passed getting to know her....I've discovered...she is one of those people, who would not have me in their lives, so how can she be my family. Any advise would be appreciated!! Thanks alot you all!!
Oh, and keep in mind.....if she did find out---she would have the family tested (her, her husband, 12 yr old son..who comes and hangs w/ my son and her daughter) for the next 10 yrs, becuase I've used the toilet, silverware, and dishes with them.
How dare me put them at risk and not tell them!!! And she would also believe that hiv would live in her house forever..thanks to me!!
Appreciate all your help guys... you are all great.
Love and prayers,

Post Extras: Remind Me!     Notify Moderator

Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* Telling the IN-LAWS debtex 05/17/05 08:07 PM
. * Re: Telling the IN-LAWS DADIVINE   06/22/05 07:15 AM
. * Re: Telling the IN-LAWS Anonymous   05/25/05 01:41 AM
. * Re: Telling the IN-LAWS Anonymous   05/24/05 06:08 PM
. * Re: Telling the IN-LAWS desertkwr   05/22/05 07:12 PM
. * Re: Telling the IN-LAWS debtex   05/23/05 01:39 AM
. * Re: Telling the IN-LAWS Monchhichi   05/18/05 03:24 AM
. * Re: Telling the IN-LAWS debtex   05/18/05 06:23 PM
. * Re: Telling the IN-LAWS Monchhichi   05/18/05 07:24 PM

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