OK-I AM REACHING OUT NOW!!!!!!! - TheBody.com's Bulletin Boards

Friends-

Ok, it now my time to reach out again and ask for help..I have been on this board for some time and have been watching closely. I am having a terrible time with getting tested and cannot bring myself to face the fear.

I am a 40 y.o heterosexual male. I have been with about 35 women in my life ( I am NOT bragging or proud of this fact). Many of them were one time experiences with upscale escorts, some with girlfriends and a few with just friends that I have known for many years. The total contact has been protected vaginal intercourse with latex condoms. I am close to 100% sure there has never been a break. Once
( 5 years ago) one lady was just off her cycle and there was a small bit of blood on the condom. I have performed unprotected oral for a few minutes 4 times in my life. Thats it. Oh, and some open mouth kissing. I have not had sex in one year and the bulk of my activity was from 92-99.

I have been sick twice in the last two months ( I DO NOT think I have ARS, NOR AM I am I likening any symptoms to it!!), and since both times I have had night sweats I have hit the panic accelerator. I had a cough/fever thing a month ago then a stomach virus thing this week and last night I had a case of the sweats. They come and go and usually involve my shirt collar and the front of my chest a bit. They happen right after I fall asleep and then are done for the night. I had a chest XRAY and full CBC and all is very normal. I have terrible insomnia and consuming stress and anxiety that is both perosnal and work related. I spend hours on the net looking.... I thiunk about the night sweats constantly and am almost afraid to sleep in my own bed. I think about waking up with night sweats. I am better if I am in a hotel or sleeping on my couch. I went to a an HIV specialist ( and I was to much of a chicken [censored] to take the test) and she said I am in the very low risk category, and she exmained me and said my night sweats are not consistent with HIV infection- I have written to Dr. Bob ( I actually posted it here) and he thinks I am fine-

Can anyone give me clear thinking on my situation??..I am just totally lost.

I am losing it..now I need help...

Thanks-

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