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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?

dumbdumbme
Newbie

Reged: 03/15/11
Posts: 1
my brain started working after I think
      03/15/11 01:55 PM

You see, I got education and all the stuff I need about HIV/AIDS.
And guess what I thought about it?
"Nah, won't be me." or "Meh, that's so not me"
But guess what?
It actually matters
So you see, I was a virgin, when this happened, and I told my partner about it(She's older than me, I met for 2 days); I don't know whether she has HIV or not, I honestly don't.
Long story short, I didn't have condom at that time.
I was out of control myself too, letting it happen..
it's been two weeks since the incident, I've been having some runny nose and frequent cough, since like, last week? I haven't diagnosed myself yet.
Just now my friends were like, "Go check yourself"
And my brain just started shooting ideas like
"What if it happened?!" and other stuff, you know.

You see, for those people who have been living normal live, HIV/AIDS will probably be the last thing on your mind to worry about, but guess what?no live is ever normal!all lives are unique!

Before, I was like, "Hell with HIV, it won't touch me" etc.
Now, with the fears of unknowing whether I'm infected or not..
All I could think about is whether my loved ones would be disappointed, how my future is gonna be (yeah, all that futuristic dream of having family bla3 will all be gone with just one little tiny virus, that's one big dream to let go), whether I will die young, how others will look to me, etc.

Me writing here now, is pretty much just rambling all the stuff that's going on inside my head, maybe soon after I'm diagnosed free, I will be gone from this site anyway, what a jerk I am.
Nevertheless, there goes my story, right now, I'm just covered in fears of unknowing I'm infected or not.
So, here's my message to all of you, like every single soul that has life:
-HIV/AIDS don't give exceptions, I thought it did.
-No lives are ever normal, I thought mine was, EXPECT the best PREPARE for the worse....(EXPECT that your partner is clean, but still PREPARE contraceptive in case of anything, unless you're married and bla5 etc.)
-Your future and dreams, all that things you have been planning, will just go poof with one thing [just thought of it]
-Don't even think of going to a place that you can do sex in with a partner without a contraceptive, cause you just don't know what will happen next (I bring two everywhere now)

And for those who love sex:
Don't give up endless possibilities of sex with one tiny mistake..
I honestly liked sex since then, but now that I'm worried I might be infected, I might need to wear condom all the time?That's just not a good deal, and she(my partner) was not a virgin!I still want to enjoy sex, I want to get married, I want to have kids, don't give it all up with just one unprotected sex with someone you barely know..
Now, I swear I'm gonna wear condom for every sex..and if I'm diagnosed free, I'm gonna jump in joy, thanked God, and still wearing condom for every other sex, before I marry my still unknown wife...(I'm so going to find a clean one, I'm gonna literally diagnose her before getting engaged and intimate)...By then I might still want to use condom (maybe occasionally now) until we reached the point like "let's have kids!" and I just throw away that condom. and have a happy life.!
So?if you love sex, use condom, save it up till you get settled, then go unprotected all the way you want.
cheers

Update 16/03/10 Morning:
I asked her whether she got HIV or not, she got angry and told me no. Relieved, really. But I'm still going to hospital to check.
Yeah, I'm gonna keep on promoting condoms for unsettled sex. If I'm declared free, I'm gonna show how close I was to getting one.If I'm not..let's just see what will happen next.keep using condoms people

Edited by dumbdumbme (03/15/11 11:10 PM)

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* my brain started working after I think dumbdumbme 03/15/11 01:55 PM
. * Re: my brain started working after I think LostNconfused   03/15/11 04:27 PM

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