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HIV Transmission and Education >> Am I Infected?


Reged: 04/27/08
Posts: 110
besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go woohoo?
      04/27/08 06:35 AM

After reading the posts here, it has been really reassuring. let me tell you my experience. PLEASE help me by answering me. I promise I will give back to this community with my personal experience with hiv (whichever it turns to) in the future.

Here is my story:
I was not sure if i was bi or not, I wanted to find out so i met a random guy on the internet (funny, the good and bad things about the internet: first its giving me the scare of my life and then is helping me to cope with it) and 4 weeks ago we met for 'protected oral sex' only at his place. this is the order in which things happened

1) He put the condom on and then I licked his balls once (literally) and then I performed oral sex on him once (with latex condom)
2) we deep kissed
3) he masturbated me once with his hands
*i spent about 5 mins on the bathroom washing my mouth with just water because latex tastes 'funny' lol*
after talking for a few mins

4) we performed oral sex again on each other (always with condom)
5) He performed rimming on me for a while
*i spent about 5 more mins washing my mouth with just water and he had to have mints lol*


I was ok after it. I returned home and I accepted the experience. I found out I didn't really liked to be with guys, but at least i was glad I took that 'curiosity' out of me in order to find myself.

Anyways 2 days later i went to the doc for a Sinus problem that was bothering me since a few weeks and she prescribed me 10 days of clarythromicyn (antibiotics) twice a day.

With time i don't know what exactly happened but anxiety started to build over and I was afraid of having caught hpv, syphilis or hepatitis B. I never even thought of HIV. and anxiety was building up quickly. I was convinced I had hepB so i would start to be aware of my liver....

Then 2weeks and 4 days after that bi experience I was convinced I had caught syphilis or something and would start checking my mouth over and inserting a mirror and a flashlight in my mouth order to see for syphilis signs (mad i know!!). I was going nuts.
At the next morning I woke up with oral thrush in the tongue and what I know now is geographic tongue. I went to google to find out what that was and I found thrush is one of the HIV symptoms... ever since my anxiety turned worst and I visited the ER room a few days later (exactly at 3 weeks from bi experience) to get it checked.
After all if I get HIV i better find out soon for my own health

Doctor saw me and since this is a very very catholic country and homohobic society I lied to her that I was worried because had vaginal sex with a random girl, with a condom, and that i was afraid she gave me something, including HIV, since my tongue was like that.
She told me I should be ok since it was with a condom, but she was kinda 'puzzled' for the tongue. After finding out I had antibiotics before she suspected it was related to stress and to antibiotics I was prescribed
She ordered hepatitisB, syphilis and HIV tests, just to be sure. I think she did that just to chill out myself.
It came all negative. But i know an elisa test at 3 weeks is not conclusive.
I was feeling better but when i got my HIV elisa results I saw my s/co ratio at HIV test was 0.41... if its less than 1 is non reactive, if its equal or more to 1.00 its HIV+.
That would be reassuring to me, right? no. because my silly mind started thinking that 0.41 s/co ratio (signal to cut-off ratio or OD ratio i think its called as well) was too high for a 3 week test, even if it was negative.
Later I learned in another forum that number doesn't matter unless it is near 1, that is the 'magic' number. and that those ratios fluctuate normally, and even that i was not supposed to know that number. they shoudl have just told me i was 'negative' to avoid me unnecessary stress.
I know 3 week elisa is not conclusive (probably doc prescribed it just to keep me sane) so I'll make it at the 3month mark again.

Anyways, here is when I need your help. I haven't been able to speak this to anyone else. Whoever reading this are the first persons in the world that are finding out about this. my fear is irrational
I started having real anxiety attacks, I lost my sleep, I can't even study or focus, i look everyday for rash signs around my body and my tongue is dry the whole time due to anxiety . I've lost some weight probably due to that I'm so scared the whole time i don't eat much since i don't want to have diarrhea and confuse it with a symptom, I even had suicidal thoughts a few times. I want to have my life back. I know this kind of fear is NOT normal. I wrote to doctor Bob which probably didn't answer me because it was a silly question and i understand. yet another guy with anxiety...
I've been reading more on the internet and the info is a bit reassuring. but kinda dual as well:
in some places I found that there have been cases about getting hiv through rimming
or that performing oral sex on a guy is at the same risk than vaginal sex.
and even in some that condoms are not really effective! (wtf!!)

the logical side of me says that my chances are too low to worry. but my other side seems to win the battle with silly 'what if' scenarios
- what if condoms (made in argentina) were not totally good as those made in the US and therefore make me vulnerable to infection even if they didn't break? (even though i didn't notice a rupture or there was no slippage)
- what if a healing pimple i had on my abdomen could have got infected during the rubbing against his body? (his cum stayed out of me though. Since he was with a condom the whole time I think i never even touched it, so if i did, it would had been in really small quantities that i didn't even notice)
- what if i was infected through kissing though some sore i wasn't aware off?
and more 'unlikely what if' scenarios

the only hiv symptoms i've had are:
-thrush in the tongue starting 2weeks4days after experience (and geographic tongue, but both are fading away and i think geographic tongue is not a sign of acute hiv)
-weight lost (but then I haven't been eating much... )

As I told you,
I asked doctor Bob (who by the way is an angel. gosh. He really makes this world a better place. I really appreciate him lots!!) and he never answered...and i understand why! he is too busy replying zillions of questions and mine belongs to those that doens't seem like a high risk.

But i really need to hear it from someone
.please, I need your opinion. given what happened, according to what i've been reading I was at low risk for HIV infection. is that right?
my fears are too way out of proportion?? was my real risk very very low??
if i wouldn't be soooooo anxious, would you actually think i would need to get tested at the 3 months??

please answer me, and I promise I will use my experience to help other people in this forum!. I'm going to get tested in 8 weeks more, at the 3 month mark. If I'm tested positive I'll help to show people that even if you do it just once you can get infected and raise awareness about hiv, or if i get tested negative to show other people that the mind is powerful and hopefully help them coping with their anxiety until they can get tested.

I really need to hear from someone what they think about my real risks. and if you got to read up to here. many thanks very much appreciated

much love and light,

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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go woohoo? bios23 04/27/08 06:35 AM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go woohoo? shadesofgrey   04/28/08 12:01 AM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh Robertguy   04/27/08 01:55 PM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh bios23   04/28/08 09:04 PM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh Robertguy   04/29/08 06:55 PM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go woohoo? ravi   04/27/08 09:31 AM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh bios23   04/28/08 08:47 PM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh lily   04/28/08 09:03 PM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh bios23   04/30/08 01:21 AM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh lily   05/05/08 09:02 AM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh bios23   05/08/08 10:10 PM
. * Re: besides obvious mental issue lol,can i go wooh lily   05/18/08 03:02 PM
. * shades, rob, ravi, lilly, ffo, and everyone readin bios23   06/25/08 06:19 AM

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