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HIV Life >> Gay Men

alone&scare
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HIV, guilt and death
      01/06/02 08:50 PM

hello...I just needed to talk to someone because I am sad, devastated and alone and don't know what to do at this point. I have been seeing this guy for about 1 1/2 year. On 12/5, he was admitted to the hospital and just yesterday I found out indirectly from the doctor that he was diagnosed with PCP, an opportunistic infection, and he is HIV+. He has been in ICU since 12/14, and the doctor said that he is not going to make it. I was completely devastated. I really care about him and now facing the fact that he is dying. But what becomes unbearable to me is the possibility of maybe he got HIV from me and developed into PCP. On top of grieving on his condition, I am constantly struggling with this unbearble sense of guilt. We have only engaged in oral sex and were never involved in anal sex. Is it possible for someone to contract the HIV virus and damaged the immune system so bad that developed PCP in a matter of one and a half years? What is the average time frame for someone to develop opportunistic infections after they contract HIV? I am dealing with the horrible facts of losing him soon and also my own HIV status (will go testing next week). I love him enough that I don't care if I turn out to be HIV+ but I just cannot handle if I know that I am somehow the cause of him getting sick. How do one deal with a triple whammies like this? HELP I think I am losing my mind and on the urge of having a nervous breakdown.



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Entire thread
Subject Posted by Posted on
* HIV, guilt and death alone&scare 01/06/02 08:50 PM
. * Re: HIV, guilt and death eafire   01/18/02 11:57 AM
. * Re: HIV, guilt and death Anonymous   01/10/02 10:15 AM
. * Re: HIV, guilt and death Anonymous   01/10/02 10:14 AM
. * Re: HIV, guilt and death gregg629   01/07/02 11:07 AM
. * Re: HIV, guilt and death Terry D   03/20/02 07:46 PM
. * Re: HIV, guilt and death Alone and scare   01/07/02 10:23 PM
. * Re: HIV, guilt and death Anonymous   03/20/02 07:48 PM
. * Re: HIV, guilt and death gregg629   01/08/02 09:37 AM

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