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red98
Newbie

Reged: 04/20/13
Posts: 1
was outed by my friend to everyone
      #271749 - 04/20/13 07:10 PM

I found out in Oct. that I was HIV+ by DEC I had AIDS. When I found out I was in complete shock. I dont live close to any of my family in fact my closest family member is 36hrs from me. I did tell my 3 closest friends. 1 of them happen to live in the same apartment complex as me. We had a falling out 3wks ago over some stupid stuff but I would never has guessed she would of done what she did.Our complex is set up in 2 parts. Area A and area B. We both live in area B. Everyone that lives in area B are very friendly with each other. We have bday parties and cookouts together all the time. She went around telling EVERYONE I had AIDS!!! When I say EVERYONE I mean EVERYONE from jr high school kids to the 67yr old man that sits on this porch all day long. How I found out was one of the ladies who live here has a daughter who plays with my 2 young kids. She told me that my her brother was HIV+ and that she didnt judge me but others didnt want their kids around me or my kids. I must of had a strange look on my face cause she said, "Oh you didnt know, BLANK last night told almost everyone in the complex you have AIDS". I cant believe she did this to me. I'm so hurt. Someone that I trusted with something so personal, I cant even put it in words. I dont even know what to do next. Not only has she hurt me but she hurt my kids. They think they did something wrong and thats why their friends wont play with them. My kids are only 4&5. Has anyone been through this before? Can anyone give me some advise on what to do next?

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crabmanModerator
Moderator

Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1163
Re: was outed by my friend to everyone new
      #271752 - 04/21/13 09:06 AM

I am so sorry this has happened to you. There is very little you can do about the uninformed and stupid in the world.

My advice for you. Hold your head up and stare them right in the eye. For your little ones. Assure them that this has nothing to do with them, and that just their friends mommies are the ones that have the problems. Give them some extra attention and see if you can arrange things for them to do outside the apartment complex. It's not fair to them and I know how your heart breaks for them being caught in the middle. The plus side is that kids are resilient and get over a lot of bumps and bruises along the way.

Many years ago, my son's girlfriend's mother found out I had HIV. Instead of calling me about it, she called the ex and insisted the boy have a HIV test. The ex called me. He by the way, found out when my daughter told him. That was a fun phone called, which started out...."You have AIDS??????" and ended with a veiled threat to try to take full custody, which never did materialize.

Anyway I called her. I admit, I really enjoyed the embarrassment I caused her. I asked her why she couldn't have brought her concerns directly to me....like I didn't know. I explained that HIV isn't transmitted via casual contact, yada, yada, yada. I did have the child tested so as not to screw up his relationship with the girl. THANK GOD when they broke up, she would have made a miserable daughter-in-law, unlike the one I have. :-)

We lived in a small town and as with anywhere there was gossip. I learned a few years after my kids were out of school that they sometimes had problems with other kids in the school. They handled it.

It's horrible that you have to go through this. It won't be the end of the world. Time will pass and small minds will run to the next 'scandal'.

Keep your chin up and hug those kids!

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1786
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: was outed by my friend to everyone new
      #271786 - 04/23/13 10:18 AM

When I hear/ read of incidents like wt happened to you , I just drond shake my head and heart. I don't know why I still get surprized by the viviousness and stupidity of people, especially women. It makes me sooo mad, and I am a woman .I've experienced that viousness all my life . All I can say iso pray for that person. She really is the one tht is worse off mentally, emotionally and spiritually . You and your children will grow strength through this , she will gain nothing. She better hope and pray that she doesn't find herself in the same spot some day .

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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karmachi
Newbie

Reged: 09/25/11
Posts: 7
Re: was outed by my friend to everyone new
      #273071 - 07/17/13 04:53 PM

Call it a day and keep moving. A non-bias person will talk to you regardless.

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cybersecretary
Newbie

Reged: 10/25/12
Posts: 21
Re: was outed by my friend to everyone new
      #273638 - 08/30/13 03:01 AM

just read your story and so sorry that happened. how are things now?

Stigma is hard... sorry. i tried to keep it from everyone in my small town because of my son , but this was in the 1990's!

one would think by now your neighbors would be supportive..
hope things are better!

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Hastannow
Newbie

Reged: 10/14/14
Posts: 1
Re: was outed by my friend to everyone new
      #278508 - 10/16/14 03:37 AM

First, talk to your kids and tell them that mom is sick but this is not their fault. And then, probably move to another place.

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crabmanModerator
Moderator

Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1163
Re: was outed by my friend to everyone new
      #278512 - 10/16/14 09:40 AM

Just because someone has HIV, doesn't make them 'sick'. That's a victim's way of thinking about things. So is moving away and hiding.

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 473
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: was outed by my friend to everyone new
      #278537 - 10/17/14 10:36 PM

Whoa ... that is a horrible comment, even if people have the "right to have an opinion" .... telling someone to move or go into exile because they contracted HIV (or anything for that matter) ... no way! The key is to accept what you have, embrace it, teach your kids and other family and friends about it, not scare them ... and get on living! HIV is not someone's "fault" and it is not a "sickness" ... it's something that you take in stride with your life, make it a part of your life and wake up the next morning and continue your life.

If neighbours can't deal with it, family, friends ... that's their loss, HIV does not change you the person and if they can't see that they are not worth having around. Stand up and be proud ... every person has value, every person is someone. It's nonsense comments that will keep pushing the human race down a dark path ... time to see the light!!!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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