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New User

Reged: 10/11/12
Posts: 2
Loc: Washington D.C.
Would you want to know?
      #267951 - 10/11/12 08:18 PM

A little quick background. I got diagnosed two days ago. I know that isnt enough time to process everything but there is one thing I feel like I should know....HOW!!!
Ive been in a committed relationship with my husband for 4 years now. I had a test last year (and so did he) that came back neg (his too). Now this year I am pos (awaiting his results). I can 100% say I have not been with anyone else in the time we have been together, nor have I used IV drugs. I have had two surgeries and 3 hospital stays between Aug 2011 and now. One of the hospital stays in Aug 2011 is when I had the HIV test done (and not just the rapid test or the baseline pos/neg test, but the CD4 and viral load). My husband was with me when I was given the news and from the moment I was told he said "nothing has changed, I still love you and Im not going anywhere" the other thing he kept repeating is "it doesnt matter how it happened its happened and it doesnt change the way I feel about you or us." and "Dont waste your energy trying to pin point a timeline, it will only drive you crazy". He opted to be tested the same day I found out and seems pretty convinced he will be positive as well. My question is would you want to know if it came from him? Or at this time does it not matter whats done is done? Now of course if he tests neg then this is a moot point, but would you want to know? Also how long can you have it and have numerous neg. tests?
Any advice would be great.
Thank you!

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Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1131
Loc: GA, USA
Re: Would you want to know? new
      #267952 - 10/11/12 09:36 PM

I'm sorry to hear your positive results.

Your questions are loaded, so I am going to tread carefully.

I think anger is getting the better of you, and you most certainly have a right to be angry, cause lets face it we all know the how, whether he will admit to it or not. But, does it change the positive results to have your answer? No, it won't. Will it make you feel better to know the specifics, probably not. I mean you sound like an intelligent person I'm sure you aren't falling from the "Who me, couldn't be" bull your husband is shelling out.

So the question you should be asking yourself now rather than how, is what.

What are you going to do to make sure you are healthy and happy?

Also your negative test from a year ago was accurate. HIV will show up in the vast majority of people within 3 months. Only exceptions are cancer patients on chemo/radiation and medical accidents. So it is a recent infection.

Good luck, but may I suggest leaving and staying at your parents or friends house for a few days till he gets his results and you figure out what you want to do. It will help you in the long run if you aren't in the situation and are able to think without him feeding you a line of crap.

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Reged: 10/08/12
Posts: 4
Re: Would you want to know? new
      #267985 - 10/12/12 02:44 PM

First i would like to say..

Breathe some more
take a step back
Things are gonna race through your mind like a roller coaster and you have to learn how to Breathe and Step Back for a minute.
As for the question..
Yes I would want to know, Although it's pretty early for you to even digest all of this now that your positive your health is going to be your Major concern, and you need to know if your mate is having unprotected sex with other for your safety..At this point the HIV virus already has a hold on your body, but too have to think about Other ST D's Hep C and a host of other Bacteria's & Viruses.these are things that make having HIV/AIDS the worsts.

Stay Strong
and don't forget to Breathe!!!


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Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1895
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Would you want to know? new
      #268005 - 10/13/12 12:08 AM

What makes this question so difficult to answer is relatonship and the thoughts of betrayal. Many foks will actually know and if one is single and ver " active " then of course its very difficult . Even in support groups , such as mine, how one contracted is never asked. If a pos person wants to talk about i as it pertains to themself , that is their choice. But when it a deep relationship , its hard to say . You have hurt emotions to deal with . BUT let me say you are not the only one that this has happened to. And only you can do the deep inner searching of your heart. And this is something that you and hubby will have to talk about. If you don't talk then things can only fester. And I'm surprized that hubby took it just so galantly. Sweetie I wish there was a better answer for you, but only yo can truly annswer the question. But what I can tell you for sure Red is you know I'm here for you if or when you need to talk , vent or even scream.

Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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Reged: 10/16/12
Posts: 2
Re: Would you want to know? new
      #268164 - 10/16/12 01:31 AM

Yes - I would want to know. Your story is very similar to mine. I met my husband who was 12 yrs older than I was when I was 18 yrs old. HIV was not a concept I knew anything about or ever considered would touch me. My husband was my 3 sexual partner and I never used drugs. So when he test positive the shock overwhelmed my 24 yr old mind. He died 10 yrs ago and left me with the same answers you have today. Did he know? He swore that he didn't and even at one point accused me of giving it to him. I agree with some of the other post. This is much bigger than your current diagnosis. It's about living a healthy life both mentally and physically. There are many others STD's that can complicate your HIV status. Take care of your priorities ..... YOU !!!

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New User

Reged: 11/02/12
Posts: 2
Loc: Texas
Re: Would you want to know? new
      #268759 - 11/02/12 04:56 AM

Everyone wants to know "How", and so many will never have that answer. Over time, you'll find that "how" becomes insignificant.

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New User

Reged: 02/09/12
Posts: 3
Loc: USA
Re: Would you want to know? new
      #273337 - 08/08/13 01:30 PM

Sorry about your recent bad news, My story is very similar too, my Husband died 2 years ago he was on denial!!! he never wanted to admit that he was infected for almost 10 years, he choose not to take meds because he was hiding the situation from me, he was my 3rd relationship and I am 33 years old so when I find out he was positive I knew I was positive as well... the doctors told me that he knew the status but they could not tell me because of the patient confidential between the hospital and patients! I think is wrong!!!! I hate him now so much!!! I told him, if he would tell me that he was + I would stay by his side supporting him but since he decided to lie and didn't care about anyone else but his self only, he died along! I don't wish that to anyone, the only thing we can do is enjoy life, I know is too soon for you to see it that way but eventually you'll be over. I am now marry again with a HIV negative and of course he knows my status. I hope your husband is negative.... but if is not someone cheated ! sorry to be this honest, or maybe could be an error from the laboratory last year.

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New User

Reged: 10/14/14
Posts: 1
Re: Would you want to know? new
      #278507 - 10/16/14 07:18 AM

To be honest, I would not want to know the answer to this painful question. At least, for the first couple months. Everything depends on your husband’s behavior now. Be strong!

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