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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Iamme
New User

Reged: 09/10/13
Posts: 1
Infected by ex-fiance......
      #273846 - 09/10/13 12:47 AM

Hi everyone,
I was diagnosed a month ago by my ex-fiancé who told me he had been tested prior to us becoming intimate (which ended up being a lie) as I had tested and was negative. We were together 2 years and split up for 8 months and on a whim I decided to get retested and now here I sit....HIV positive. During that 8 month split I was dated someone and when I found out I was positive I called him and he went and tested and was negative thank god! My ex-fiancé and I have been thru a lot prior to finding out our status. So I still feel a strong connection to him and am trying to be there for him as he did not know he was infected so I am not angry at him but at the virus. I am sad because he lied from the jump about getting tested. Has anyone been thru something like this?

I am a single mom of two teenage girls and have support from my friends. However, I am still crying and my CD4 is 363 and my viral is 27,000. I started meds today but still feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. I am a super strong woman but I just need to know how to move out of this grieving stage. I feel horrible for him as his viral load is 850,000 and CD4 is 430.....he has no family and so I am there for him because I love him and he loves me. Has anyone been thru a similar situation? I am trying hard to start to live life to the fullest.

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kicker
Veteran

Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1131
Loc: GA, USA
Re: Infected by ex-fiance...... new
      #273848 - 09/10/13 02:30 AM

Hi there Iamme. Love the name btw a little jealous I didn't think of it.

I can relate I've been wondering a lot about the same things...when will I feel comfortable in my own skin? That seems like such a silly question especially since you felt like you were just a short while ago. Then BOOM something hits and its all you can think about!

Then it all starts spiraling down hill, that one thing takes on a life of its own clouding up everything around you. Soon it feels like you're going to implode under the sheer magnitude of it all.

Then you have to think about other people and how this new thing will fit....it's enough to drive anyone to think they are going mad/crazy.

That's when it's most important to take notice to how you are feeling. Take a deep breath; several if needed to find your grounding. Then pause and relax for as long as you can. When you find that you can't anymore take notice to the feeling and instead of fighting it allow it to wash over you. Give it a few minutes or as long as you can bare it and then go back to the breathing.

With a little practice and a little patience for yourself you will find it gets easier. Life starts to happen again. The clock doesn't tick as slow and the cloud starts to lift. You feel refreshed and ready to tackle the next challenge.

I think you will be fine you have taken a great step in just acknowledging that you need support. There are many who can't even reach that step to healing. So don't worry about it you are well on your way. One day at a time and sometimes one foot at a time.

You will find some great people here. Everyone has some great stories some heartbreaking others very uplifting and it's good to have the mix so we can all learn and lean on one another.

So welcome, I hate the circumstances that brought you here, but I'm glad you came. Keep up with being that amazingly strong woman that you are, but realize you don't have to be here.



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riverprincessModerator
Veteran

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1824
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Infected by ex-fiance...... new
      #273867 - 09/10/13 05:46 PM

Sweetie , you can cry as much as your eyes can handle, it's ok . It can be hard enough when we find out were pos due to our own , lets just say doing. So your also dealing with being sorta blindsided, and that is added on to just knowing. I'm glad you decided to get tested, it's better knowing a nd dealing with than saying your fine to partners when deep inside you don't thinso even though it's not confirmed. But now is what matters and now is when you continue to move forward. Your numbers aren't bad so you caught things early , even your ex , once on meds , will improve. Yo both will have some inner searching , I think him more so , . I've been pos for going over 20 yrs and on meds going on 20ish . So you see, life goes on the drummer may change but its still hitting those notes. If ever you want another woman to talk to you can pm anytime. We do have different medical issues from men and sometimes we need some different support. Either way take care and sooo sorry to say welcome but this is a great place to learn . Take care ....River

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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anotherday
Regular

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Infected by ex-fiance...... new
      #273874 - 09/11/13 12:52 AM

It's interesting to hear your story, Iamme, I hope you have checked through some of my other posts to have read my story. Some people take the virus and turn it into some dramatic tragedy in their lives, others, like me, take a challenge from it. My challenge was to find the better me, at first my "old school" thinking towards HIV lead me to believe my days were numbered and I would die soon. I decided to change my life, late in my life sure, but it needed to be done! A doctor visit, tests and meds later ... I was told to be prepared to live a long healthy life if I wanted it, I became a new person, a person I like to be ... and it took HIV to get that out of me!

Your on an interesting journey, you have a strong connection to the man that shared his HIV with you. When HIV comes to live with us, pointing fingers kinda becomes irrelevant ... if the person who shared it with you did it intentionally, that's a whole other bad chapter. Since your ex fiance just decided to lie about testing and carry on like life was okay, you inturn took his word ... it could be a whirl-wind of issues. You have become the bigger person in all this, you have looked in the mirror and seen someone wonderful, good for you!

The next step now is accepting it into your life, don't make it your life, just accept. Being "friends" now with your ex is huge, and a step in the right direction. Work your way back to the normal you knew with his help, and you for him ... the relationship might be gone, the trust tested to the max now, but a friend and voice that can share this with you is spot on!

This is an opportunity now to teach your children some solid experienced background regarding trust, relationships, safe sex ... something alot of parents cannot teach their kids first hand about! Use this knowledge wisely!

There will be times to cry, scream at the world, go for a drive way out in the country and stop the car and get out and yell!!! Your entitled! Then come back to us, ready to face the next challenge. For both you and him, see your ID doctor, get meds, everything will be fine. You have a great friend with him, the pity is over, the guilt, the blame ... put it to rest and start reaching deep inside and find the you that you want to be. I've told many on this forum "be the same person you were before, just now with HIV" if of course that is the person you want to be, I became what I wanted to be!

Don't be his crutch, don't hear sympathy from him or others, don't wallow in sorrow and pity. Look in the mirror, draw on your strengths and become the best damn HIV+ person in the world.

You have come to a wonderful place of healing, this chat site, amazing people here ... and we all want to be a part of your journey, as we hope you will be a part of ours!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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Iamme2
New User

Reged: 09/11/13
Posts: 1
Re: Infected by ex-fiance...... new
      #273879 - 09/11/13 02:09 AM

(Its still Iamme had to reregister)

Thank you so much for everyones responses as your kind words and comments are sooooo beneficial to my soul. I have cried everyday for the past month and am incrediably tired of crying. I realized that I want to live and teach others about the importance of getting tested and asking for proof of your partners test and results.
My ex-fiancé is one of my best friends and even though the trust issue is indeed a huge issue it doesn't mean I don't love him. He understands that he was reckless and now he has to pay for it everytime he seems me. I have forgiven him and now its up to him to forgive himself and we as a team work together to stay healthy and positive.

I do chose life and I do and will stay healthy and not let this stupid evil twin of mines get me down any longer. I thank you guys for taking the time out to respond to my posting! I will pay it forward!!!

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Val
New User

Reged: 01/08/14
Posts: 9
Loc: New York City
Re: Infected by ex-fiance...... new
      #275097 - 01/28/14 12:29 PM

Just read your post. I am pretty new to this site and I know where you are coming from. I tested positive in 2003 which was a fluke because I tested negative 6 months prior. I was in a relationship with this guy and I had told him I was negative (I had the proof). I asked him he said he was negative as well. I never asked him for proof. He was pretty honest about his past and that he was in jail for 10 years. he wanted a baby so I went to a specialist because my tubes were tied. They said they had to take a HIV test I did inform them that I had taken one 6 months ago and have been with the same partner but they needed a new one. If they hadn't taken that test I may have never found out. I called him on a pay phone to tell him because I was very upset. Crying, and all I wanted to do was walk in front of a car. He didn't have a reaction to the devastating news, he just told me to come home. No reaction made me think... But I didn't put too much into it. Then at my doc appt. She said he should get tested and he didn't want to until she convinced him. Then a couple of months later he was in the hospital with pneumonia. At this point we were still together and I asked him if he knew he had it. He denied it. All I wanted for him was to acknowledge what he did and apologize. It's kinda funny because when we met I told him I had hypothyroidism and he asked if he could catch it. I know that all of this could have been prevented If only I would have asked to see his papers. And had he not show me papers to then ask that we BOTH get tested TOGHETHER. Yes I would like to let every one especially teenagers know the importance of getting tested. I have children and I thought to myself if he had told me atleast I could have made the decision myself to continue the relationship or not. I would have but used protection. I did stay with him for 7 years on and off because I could not come to the realization that he gave it to me and he knew and also I thought who would want to be with me. Finally it came to an end when he physically abused me because he was doing drugs. I keep going and don't give up. I can't think of if I had done this or that. Whats done is done. Now I just have to take care of myself so I can be a good role model for my children. They have seen me go through so much and I am thankful that I am going to be around for a long time. That is my plan and I am sticking to it!

--------------------
I am positive that HIV does not define me. Don't stress the small stuff.

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riverprincessModerator
Veteran

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1824
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Infected by ex-fiance...... new
      #275160 - 01/31/14 08:44 AM

Not only do you deserve a wonderful life with your children Val , you WILL have that wonderful life with your children . It's all a matter of strength and attitude. I am so glad you got out of that relationship. Too many women will settle for whatever, due to thinking they don't deserve any better . That is soooo wrong. I want to shake every woman that thinks like that by the shoulders and yell
" WAKE UP AND SEE THE LIFE YOU CAN HAVE!!!" Women don't have to have a man to valadate their worthyness. We have strengths . And if you want something bad enough you will do what it takes and you will achieve it !

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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