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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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rsmithson
Newbie

Reged: 07/31/13
Posts: 12
IS it normal to be pissed off?>>>
      #273292 - 08/05/13 01:07 AM

I am so angry and upset. I look at these people who are sitting happy with no care In the world..... I was one of them. Since my diagnosis and low counts all I can think is that some of these people are thieves and liars. I am an honest loving person and how it is not fair that someone that just scams his way through life is healthy. I do not know why but I get angry at everyone and complain all the time and I am not this person. Is this just a phase? Or am I going to be a bitter bitch all the time???

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7/31 CD4- 5 VL 410,000
8/19 started ART

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tippytu
Newbie

Reged: 05/16/13
Posts: 19
Re: IS it normal to be pissed off?>>> new
      #273293 - 08/05/13 01:10 AM

I think its normal I felt & feel the exact same way! So many crack heads where I live but yet they are healthy & I'm not!

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 447
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: IS it normal to be pissed off?>>> new
      #273294 - 08/05/13 01:49 AM

Ok so your new to all this, it's okay to freak out a bit and do the "oh woe is me" thing ... It's "normal"! It is not fair though to keep thinking that only thieves, liars and crack heads should be the ones given HIV. That kind of attitude sets us back 20 years to when people were cheering for HIV because it was going to rid the world of gays. That HIV was sent to cleanse the earth of the immoral actions of the gay population. To now be the disease wished upon to thieves and criminals.

I have HIV and I sit here very happy and care-free, and I was only diagnosed in Feb/13, I was lucky that it was an eye-opener ... I was an alcoholic, been sober now since diagnosis day, was suicidal and depressed ... haven't had those thoughts since diagnosis day, was an idiot and a jerk to everyone, including the people I most cared for, not anymore. The list goes on and on, but the thing one has to do is to just stop and look at your life ... where your coming from, where you are going. This isn't a judgement call, getting HIV, it should be an eye-opener ... an opportunity to really stop and see the real person looking back from the mirror, to reflect on where you came from, and how you should now live and respect others and enjoy life.

Be the same great person you were before HIV and you will still be that same person just with HIV. Love yourself first, respect who you are and what you can do for the world and people around you.

Being new it's okay to have a rush of weird feelings and emotions, but you can still be happy, still have not a care in the world ... still be "one of them" ... because you never really stopped, well unless you want it to stop, so you can wallow in self pity and doom and gloom and ponder "why me" ... but if it only took HIV to stop you from living, turned you into a bitter old bitch ... thank God you didn't get cancer or something!!!!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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kicker
Moderator

Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1131
Loc: GA, USA
Re: IS it normal to be pissed off?>>> new
      #273299 - 08/05/13 03:00 AM

Absolutely it's normal! Who doesn't need to be a "bitter bitch" sometimes, especially after finding out your positive. Get angry, but make a plan to pick yourself up and dust off afterwards. Then you won't become a "bitter bitch".

Until you're ready though let your "bitter bitch" flag fly I say, just don't hit anyone in the eye with it as you do.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1739
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: IS it normal to be pissed off?>>> new
      #273326 - 08/06/13 01:36 PM

You really can't and shouldn't say that about crack heads , dope fiends or anyone really. Unless you have acess to their medical records you donn't know if they are in fact pos of not.

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Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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iam1
Fanatic

Reged: 06/17/09
Posts: 164
Loc: Georgia
Re: IS it normal to be pissed off?>>> new
      #273333 - 08/07/13 03:46 PM

When I first read your message I read "better" in place of "bitter" bitch, and I just kept thinking - Be the best bitch you can be! That's me. Always striving to be #1 in everything I attempt.

Like others have said, yes, this is normal. It's step #3 of the 7 stages of grief - anger. You're not halfway through. It looks like this may take some time with you. You're going to have great fun when you get to step #5 - depression. But, that's much closer to step #7 - acceptance.

I'm not going to list them all. That'll give you something to do on the internet this evening. But, know that not everyone goes through all the steps. And, most people don't go through them in the same order.

Might I make a suggestion - when you're feeling royally pissed hit a pillow or a stack of pillows. They probably won't break. And, you probably won't hurt yourself. But, you need to do something physical to get the stress out of your life. Run. Jump up and down. Dance. Getting rid of the stress can be the best thing for you both now and in the future. (Stress will kill you before HIV!)

We've been telling people for years that EVERYONE is at risk of catching HIV. Good or bad. No matter what your sin or lack thereof. The only person who can't get HIV is the dead person.

Having HIV has absolutely nothing to do with how good or bad a person is. That's a vicious, untrue rumor that was started by the "holier than thou" creeps who think their shit doesn't stink. It has to do with being exposed to someone else with HIV. You're probably going to have doubts about whether or not your a good person. Put them aside. Trust your feelings from before you tested. If you were good then you'll be good now.

I've known some great people both with and without HIV who work regularly to do good for their fellow humans. Not because they expect any sort of praise. But, because it's the right thing to do. I call these people "friends". Give yourself time. You'll get to know them where you live. They exist all over the great planet of ours.

And, as for the "wrong" people being healthy - I believe in Karma. Those who deserve it will eventually get theirs. The universe is a huge, wondrous place of existence. But, in the end all things remain in balance. You probably won't see it happen or ever know that it has happened, but it will happen one way or another.

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tippytu
Newbie

Reged: 05/16/13
Posts: 19
Re: IS it normal to be pissed off?>>> new
      #273336 - 08/08/13 12:53 AM

Your right River I apologize..

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 447
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: IS it normal to be pissed off?>>> new
      #273373 - 08/10/13 01:06 PM

I just feel like writng and this thread seemed to be the best one to ponder over during my morning coffee.

I want everyone to Google or You Tube a video by a very well known Canadian music artist. A writer of some wonderful upbeat tunes, someone who I have been a fan of from the beginning. She is such an artist that she does not flood the market with music babble, she actually puts alot of thought and inspiration into her music, disappears from the scene for years then surfaces with a powerful message in her music. It has been almost a decade since she last put any music out and I saw her in an intimate concert setting almost that long ago. I am talking about Amanda Marshall. Take a listen to her "Everybody's Got A Story" song, take from it what this conversation regarding "who should have HIV" and "why me" and realise this song can relate beautifully to it.

It's not a judgement to have HIV, not something that should be tattooed across your forehead. It's just HIV, and how we handle the diagnosis that we have it, how we deal with it, how we plan on living with it might take some planning for some, and others might not skip a beat in their lives.

Listen to the song, never judge a person because under that exterior they might be in pain, they might have gotten worse news then you. They might be so excited about something in their life but have no family or friends to share it with and don't know how to express it!

Everybody's Got A Story,
so dig deep,
deeper than the image that you see,
lift the vail and let your true self breath
and show the world the beauty underneath

In closing we should not wish HIV or any thing on others because of how they appear in their lives, it could be just an act, it could be really how they are, they could just need help! We need to take what we have, what we are given and really find a way of doing good with it.

Thanks for reading, hope your coffee can inspire the way mine did for me this morning.

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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new2this2010
Expert

Reged: 06/22/10
Posts: 119
Re: IS it normal to be pissed off?>>> new
      #273746 - 09/05/13 12:43 AM

Get as pissed off as you need to for as long as it takes and don't feel guilty about it. This is a devastating disease mentally. So many question marks about your future. But believe me when I tell you, you'll get tired of being pissed.

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