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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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kcguy0815
Newbie

Reged: 07/08/13
Posts: 2
Tested Positive a month ago... Feeling really alone. help!!!
      #272964 - 07/08/13 07:37 PM

I just found out I was HIV+ 2 months ago. I had a boyfriend and we found out I had HIV a month into our relationship. We had not used a condom since we had started dating, till I found out I had HIV. We broke up 2 days ago and now I feel like my life is spiraling out of control . He was the one that made me feel ok to have HIV that it wasn't the end of the world, that I still had someone who cared about me enough to stay with me through this. He wasn't happy about it and was really worried about me, but said he would never break up with me because I have HIV, and he didn't. We broke up for other reasons. I was moving cities to live closer to him, I got a new job found a place to live and everything was going great till we broke up.

Now that he is gone the realness of everything is sinking in. The realness that I have this disease, the realness that I have to tell the next person I want to date that I have HIV, and the realness that I will more than likely be rejected. I haven't slept in 2 days, I feel so disgusted and ashamed, but mostly I feel alone. I feel like no one will ever be able to date me or accept because I have HIV. I have a great group of friends and family supporting me, but they don't actually know what I am going through. My mom passed away a year ago and I still have not recovered from that, then I get diagnosed with HIV, then my boyfriend breaks up with. I am so hurt, sad, scared, ashamed, lonely, and really do not have a positive out look on life. If it wasn't for my friends, I probably wouldn't be alive right now. I really can't help but question why I deserve this. I have already gone through so much in my life and the weight of the world just feels like it is crashing down on top of me. I hate being so sad, and I hate the person I have become.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1738
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Tested Positive a month ago... Feeling really alone. help!!! new
      #272965 - 07/08/13 08:30 PM

Comsidering that you've dealt with the top major stressors all in a short span , it's understandable how lost and overwhelmed your feeling. And it's ok if you want to have a meltdown moment but sweetie after you've cried till you feel like you don't have a single tear left in your body , then it's time for you to get up , splash your face with some good cool water and take inventory . Hey you got your self a new place , and a new job, and that is a great thing. Sure it sucks that your relationship broke apart but your life can and will go on. Your not the only pos person in the world. There are many that would love the opportunities your having right now. Don't even worry about dating right now . That is still to come , and when the time is right your going to find someone that sees you as the fantastic person you are. I'm sorry your mom passed away . I know thats not easy but your still here and mom would be proud of your accomplishments . Sodry those puffy eys and start looking at your new life. Being pos is not the end of the world. It's just part of your new world and you can make it as fabulous as you want it to be. I've been pos for going on over 20 yrs now and it does not stop me from achieving may daily dreams for the rest of my life. Fell free to drop a line if you want to talk. Believe me when I say when the clouds blow away you'll see sunshine again.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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heart
Moderator

Reged: 09/01/12
Posts: 41
Loc: united states
Re: Tested Positive a month ago... Feeling really alone. help!!! new
      #272972 - 07/09/13 11:59 AM

Kcguy, you are experiencing alot of different things that make you feel like your world is crashing in around you. Your mom dying alone is difficult, I lost my mother as well not to long ago. You will experience grief with your losses, but you do have so much to be thankful for, HIV does not need to define "who" you are. It is wonderful that you have a job and great friends and family that support you..no matter what. You state that you "hate" the person you have become, being poz will bring changes,but the changes can actually be good ones, you can begin to think of your health in general. Don't allow the losses keep you from moving on, You can and should remain true to "who" you are..and not allow circumstances dictate..instead learn to work through your circumstances: HIV is not the end of the world..as your friend said, you can become a new healthier you. You are not alone...there are a great group of people here..that can help you gain knowledge. I found in our situation, we all have "time" how we choose to use that "time" may determine the outcome of our gift of life. It's ok to feel sad...however, try not to linger but stand up and enjoy friends, family, and life! ( Which you have been blessed with.)

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 416
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Tested Positive a month ago... Feeling really alone. help!!! new
      #272973 - 07/09/13 12:28 PM

Goodday kc, I am just a little lost with your comments. You had a relationship in the works with someone who cared for you and loved you, then you "broke up" ... okay, so the relationship might have had to end but what about the friendship. You have someone there who loved you unconditionally (HIV or not), isn't there something there that can continue as friends. Just because a couple can't make it as a relationship, does not mean they have to not make it as friends either. Tell him how you feel, if those old emotions stir up each time you see him then there's something there on your part, and vice versa, does not mean having to "sleep with him" but can be the foundation of a massive friendship.
You were moving to be with him in a new city, consider him your first contact in a new life. He knows the city, circles of people ... why sit and mope, this is a great opportunity facing you!

Stop being alone, you came on here, huge first step ... plus there are HIV dating sites, local support groups, and of course you can date as many people as you like without saying your positive, just know when the relationship turns to serious (including intimacy) then you have to have "the talk" ... but until then, meet people, who knows you could come across someone in the same situation, since most guys don't swing open the cover of their biographies on one date, they always like to give a couple pages at a time ... be one of them!

If your family and friends are with you, and understand you and of course know your positive ... talk to them, let them understand how you feel. Teach them about HIV, sometimes the best conversation about your situation is to teach others. Your family and friends might be a bit uncomfortable talking to you about your feelings, especially HIV ... make them comfortable! Talk to them about your Mother, and your feelings for her, her memories you have ... favourite cookies she made (make them a batch), favourite shows she watched (get the dvd's out) ... just celebrate her memory with your friends, yes they will get the "oh God, not this again" look on their face, but if they love you, then they will know it's important!

Finally stop looking at HIV as a "oh woe is me" kinda thing, you are still the same person you were before HIV, just be that person now with HIV. Live your life, don't let HIV live it for you! Take the reins of your life and ride that horse like the wind, you have alot of living ahead of you, some fantastic memories to carry along and give you strength ... and you have all of us on here for the occassional chat. As anyone on here will tell you also, if you need to chat one on one ... I am here, private me anytime, lets chat!!!



--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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Cristian
Member

Reged: 06/03/13
Posts: 48
Re: Tested Positive a month ago... Feeling really alone. help!!! new
      #273008 - 07/12/13 10:29 AM

As a night shifter RN, every morning I walk out of the hospital, leaving behind many HIV positive individuals who would give EVERYTHING just to be able to get out of their beds, I feel blessed. You have a couple of legs to walk around...that's a blessing not everybody has..a couple of eyes to see the beauty around you...I have a blind friend, and yes...that's also a wonderful gift to have. You have the freedom to come and go as you please. Value that. People come and go...relationships get dissolved in daily basis, but the one you need to fortify continuously is that with yourself. You were born alone, and you need to learn how to survive alone. It takes time and effort, but it is doable. I'm not saying the process is easy...hell no, I feel sometimes also that the world is just collapsing in front of my eyes...but somehow the dark thoughts go away, if not completely, at least enough not to make my life miserable. And just like anotherday told you, if needed, just drop me a PM. Hugs.

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jojos
Newbie

Reged: 07/16/13
Posts: 4
Re: Tested Positive a month ago... Feeling really alone. help!!! new
      #273045 - 07/16/13 03:06 AM

Hi dear. Don't be so fear. Everything will be ok. And you don't need to be alone. I suggest a safe, private and comfortable place __ HerpesWoo.com __ for you to seek support and love. Just relax and open your mind. Tomorrow is another day. ^o^

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1738
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Tested Positive a month ago... Feeling really alone. help!!! new
      #273054 - 07/16/13 10:31 AM

I checked out this HerpesWoo site and I saw no support group link just links for selling products. Oh and a link to find women . Figures some ass has to put such crap

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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hellfire
Member

Reged: 10/04/05
Posts: 23
Loc: fl
Re: Tested Positive a month ago... Feeling really alone. help!!! new
      #273106 - 07/20/13 12:11 AM

it will get better... what you feel is exactly what we all felt, and still sometimes feel. its been 8yrs & sometimes i just stand & stare at myself in the mirror & i swear i can see every day of the past 8yrs flash by. there are people who will accept you, there will be a ton of people who will reject you. but thats with anybody. be sad, be mad, be sad again... but never feel hopeless. 8yrs ago i swear it seemed like such a grim diagnosis. but here i am 8yrs later, my numbers are awesome, its 1 pill a day... i live a completely normal life. i do what ever other person who is negative does. ive had a boyfriend for 4yrs now who tells me to shut up if i start whining, i only see the doc twice a year. but you have to go thru the mourning... you need to feel like you lost out, but trust me, one day you will look back & wonder why you felt like your life would never be good again. you just need to approach things differently.. & different isnt a bad thing. hope this helps a little bit.. i know its not much. <3

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