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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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well11
Newbie

Reged: 05/27/13
Posts: 1
Loc: NY, NY
Diagnosed 2 months ago
      #272218 - 05/27/13 11:49 PM

I was diagnosed with HIV ~2 months ago. I was feeling sick for a while, and did not know it was PCP pneumonia due to the HIV. I was treated for that and began feeling better/becoming healthier, and then began treatments for HIV which I have been on for ~1.5 months.
Since then, I have been taking my medicine, but I have not told any friends/family about any of this (just that I was sick and got better). Other than taking medicine as prescribed, I have not really emotionally addressed the face that my life might be different now, which does not seem like a completely wrong course of action. Lately though I have very strong feelings of general depression and loneliness that I did not have before, so I wonder if talking about this might be better.
I wonder if any one else has had similar feelings about dealing with HIV physically vs. emotionally. I do not initially see the point in telling others about something in my life that sounds quite bleak, but the actual outcome is impossible to foresee and likely not as bad as it might sound.
At the same time, constantly feeling sad and alone does not seem good either.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1738
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Diagnosed 2 months ago new
      #272220 - 05/28/13 02:03 PM

That is something that alot of us have gone through. I use to think tellig others would help but it didn't . I didn't like their " I am sooo sorry " comments. Have you joined any support groups or talked to a therapist. Where I go at the local health dept there is a psychologist that folks can go talk to if need be, But personally I found that being part of a support group was my best avenue. You may also find that reaching out to help other actually will take your focus on yourself. Try volunteering somewhere , , even if it's just for a couple of hours a week. I volunteer at the local YMCA for just 2hrs on wednesday . My energy level and spirt goes into high gear the moment I get there.

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Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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thebird1959
Regular

Reged: 06/22/12
Posts: 49
Loc: Alabama
Re: Diagnosed 2 months ago new
      #272221 - 05/28/13 10:42 PM

You're not alone. I think just about all of us have gone through that when we found out we were HIV+. I still cringe everytime I see a post where somebody else has tested positive because I know what it can do to a persons emotions as well as to a person emotionally. I tested HIV+ almost a year ago now in June. Unlike you I never got sick, and had just passed a yearly physical with flying colors even though my CD4 count was down in the 100's. Do I still get depressed about it? Yes, but I have alot more good days than bad. It may seem like it now, but it's not the end of the world. Don't think of it as the end, but rather a new beginning to a different chapter in your life. I haven't told any of my friends/family about it yet either. Will I ever tell them about it, I dunno? They're having enough health problems of there own, especially my parents. Like river said, I think joining a support group would do you good. I've thought about it often myself, but have never taken the time to it. Although I'm sure it would help. PM me sometime if you need somebody to talk to. I'm a pretty good listener. And, whatever you do, keep taking your meds. That's the most important thing that you can do right now. As you feel better physically you'll also feel better emotionally.

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 428
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Diagnosed 2 months ago new
      #272222 - 05/28/13 10:43 PM

I'll share my story since it's been about the same amount of time, Feb/13, when I was told the nurse telling me got all pathetic looking and wanting to do the "oh I'm so sorry" speech, but instead I grabbed onto it and ran with it. If it was a death sentence, I had some life left to live, if they can help it then get at it Doctors and do your best. Either way I never did the mourning for my life thing at all, it was mine, like having been told I was a diabetic, or have cancer or whatever ... know that what you had as a person, with this addition has changed that outcome slightly, but still for the same person.
There really isn't anything emotionally one can do, maybe a good cry or punch the heck out of a wall ... might take care of a good venting, but it only really changes the rules of your life slightly, it really isn't the end!
The depression and loneliness goes hand in hand, chances are you had that before HIV testing, just that you notice it more intensely now, talk to someone, your HIV doctor refereed therapist will help immensely.
The one thing I noticed, everything lately I relate back to is this pre or post HIV emotions, physical feelings, etc. It kind of gives me bearings now on when I was in the dark (preHIV) to now in the light (postHIV) ... gives me a reference point.
As for telling others, unless its something that really needs to be addressed, as in having sex or a committed relationship with, who needs to know. A diabetic doesn't go running around telling everyone what they have. The best thing that I can say in regards to this and i live it by the second is ... live your life with HIV, don't let HIV live it for you! 20 years ago, okay, it had a bigger say, but with treatments and research now, weave it into your life and just take your meds, know it's there, and live!
Don't be sad, you still have what you had preHIV create some new goals postHIV ... and get involved, groups, community things, get out around people ... it helps! If you ever need to talk though please PM me anytime!!!

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anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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notinterested
All Star

Reged: 09/07/11
Posts: 127
Re: Diagnosed 2 months ago new
      #272234 - 05/29/13 01:06 PM

I second that. I don't think about it too much anymore unless it hits me out of the blue like watching the Liberace movie with my partner on Sunday. We don't ever talk about it, which I actually like, but at the end when he was sick, it was very uncomfortable for me as I know he was wondering if it bothered me., I HATE THAT, One reason why I choose not to tell anyone as I don't want any sympathy or be treated any different than anyone who doesn't have HIV. The volunteering that River mentioned is a AWESOME idea. I volunteer at a local animal shelter as well as I foster rescue puppies. I love love love doing it and getting all kinds of unconditional love and puppy kisses every day. It's very rewarding and leaves me no time to think about anything negative in my life. I hope you feel better. If not volunteering find something that just makes you happy and do it. Before volunteering I used to just enjoy taking long walks by any type of body of water. I found it really calmed me down. Good luck to you.

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jeannie10
Newbie

Reged: 10/24/12
Posts: 21
Re: Diagnosed 2 months ago new
      #272256 - 05/30/13 03:25 PM

You will have ups and downs 2 months is not long at all.When my Dr told me, she made me feel good even though i was so numb, her words stay with me today and it will be 2 yrs for me in Aug..She told me I could of been Diag with Cancer or Heart trouble which is alot worse at that time nothing was worse. My first 3 months on the meds were horrible, I went down to 90 pounds but my Dr HIV Dr of course told me it is the meds killing the virus inside of me and I did struggle through, I could not eat or anything, 2 yrs later I am undectable and my CD count is over 400, could be better but I am alive and I weight 135 now, you have to tell your self , yes you have this diease but don t let it get you down, enjoy every day of life. Sometimes I even forget I have it if it was not for the pills I take everyday to remind me but those pills are keeping me alive. This website is my bible and my strenght that keeps me going, I live in a small town and there is no meeting for HIV everything but, just sad I wish more people were aware of this diease. So stay strong give it time.

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jojos
Newbie

Reged: 07/16/13
Posts: 4
Re: Diagnosed 2 months ago new
      #273048 - 07/16/13 03:16 AM

Hey dear. You don't need to be alone. There are many people living with hiv. It's ok and could be conquered. For support and love, I suggest __ HerpesWoo.com __ a reliable, safe, private and comfortable place. Just open your mind and be brave. Everything will be ok.

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