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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Mark100
Member

Reged: 02/23/13
Posts: 27
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Just completely unexpectedly tested positive.
      #270771 - 02/24/13 04:26 PM

Hey Guys,
I'm glad I found this forum it seems to have a lot of very useful information on it. So I just recently found out that I was positive on Feb 20, 2013. And when I say it was completely unexpected, I mean completely.

Back on Dec 2, 2012, my partner and I of almost 6 years decided to have a threesome which we occasionally do (2 or 3 times a year I'd say). Anyway we invited the guy over and nothing that special happened, we fooled around just doing oral for a while, everyone came on their chests and that was that, and I never thought anymore of it.

Nowlet's fast forward to Dec 26, 2012 when I started to get really sick with what I assumed was the flu. Fever, headache, aching muscles, sore throat, fatigue and night sweats. Something that I found odd about this flu however was that after having it for a few days I developed these very faint red spots all over my torso. I never had something like that before and thought it might be meningitis so I went to the doctor just to make sure. The doctor seemed to think that the rash and my flu symptoms were not related and sent me home.

After about 2 weeks I was still quite sick and was beginning to wonder when this flu would let up. I was basically just going from my bed to the couch since I wasn't able to do much else. It was all over the news how this was the worst flu season on a long time and that the virus was hitting harder than ever and lasting longer than normal. So I wasn't too concerned although I was really anxious to start feeling better. I love being active, going to the gym around 4 times a week and running outdoors as well and it was a long time since I had done any of those things.

By around the end of January most of my symptoms had gone away except for the night sweats and the overwhelming fatigue. I was literally a walking zombie. I tried to bring myself for a run a couple of times but I couldn't catch my breath and would get tired so so quickly. I decided it was time to go to the doctor since everyone was telling me that this didn't seem normal.

The doctor checked me over and found out that I had a few swollen lymph nodes, a slightly enlarged spleen and I also told him about the night sweats. He thought that it could be a possible lymphoma and suggested we do some blood tests to check things out. He also asked me if I was gay. I told him that I was with a partner of almost 6 years. He asked me if I thought maybe we should do and hiv test as well. I said you can if you want but I know there is nothing to worry about. He said I realise that but maybe we should check just to rule it out.

After that the bf and I decided we needed a little vacation to get away from winter for a while and we thought that maybe a bit of rest would help me to recover from this sickness so we took a 10 day trip to Costa Rica.

When we got back home I had a message on my phone that the doctor wanted to see me. I was like yes, hopefully they've found something so I can start getting treated for it and start feeling better. I actually was hoping maybe it was lymphoma because it's highly treatable and then at least I'd have an answer as to what was wrong with me.

So I arrive at the doctors office and he's all nice and friendly and tells me that they were trying to get a hold of me and I said yeah, I know, I was out of the country on vacation. Then he pulls up his computer screen and we start going down through the blood work. He said that my liver enzymes were a bit high and a few other things were high, all of which were indicative of a possilbe mononucleosus, but he said that it wasn't that. So I was thinking great, they still don't know what's wrong with me, he's bringing me all the way in here to tell me the tests were inconclusive. Then he keeps going down the list and out of the blue and really calmly he goes "oh and your HIV test....that came back positive." It was like everything just went in slow motion at this point. It was impossible for me to comprehend what he just said. I was going in there not even having that on my mind as a possibilty of what could have been wrong with me. I seriously thought cancer with the swollen lymphnodes.

Anyway I was like that's not possible. I haven't done anything risky that could give me hiv. I was like a few months ago my bf and I had a threesome but it was just oral and all very much safe. If I would have thought for even one second that we had done something risky that day I would have gone to a clinic to get some of those drugs that stop a possible hiv infection. Then he looked at me and said how well can you trust your partner. And I was like I can trust him very well. And he's like well get him tested and find out.

So I went home and told my bf who was completely in shock as well and couldn't beleive it. We brought him that night to get tested and it came back negative which meant he definitely didn't give it to me, which I pretty much already knew.

The doctors at the hiv clinic still can't beleive I got it through oral and said it's basically next to impossible. And I said well I got it through oral, I'm telling you, there is no other way it could possibly have happened, there is no reason for me to lie about this.

I people should be aware that the risk from oral is greater than we think. I mean if I got it that easily, there has to be many more people out there contracting it the same way and not even realising it.

But on a good note I am very much coming to terms with my new status and I'm actually going to make this into something positive. I've already started back to the gym and have started running again and am very much looking forward to keeping myself nice and healthy.

I meet again with the doctor this coming Thursday to discuss some more stuff and for him to see how I'm handling it. Then in a little less than 3 weeks I should have my blood work back so they'll know how and when to start my treatment.

I'm really glad I found this forum as there seems to be lots of useful information on here and people that are going through exactly what I'm going through at the exact same time. It makes you feel much less alone. I'll be back on here lots in the next few little while asking tons of questions because my head is full of them.
Cheers!
Mark

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Danigirl
Newbie

Reged: 02/19/13
Posts: 12
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270772 - 02/24/13 05:47 PM

Welcome Mark100! Sorry to hear of your new diagnoses. However, I think it is awesome that you are taking a very proactive and positive attitude about it. My husband just tested positive at the end of last month and he is just now coming around. I tell him that HIV is no longer a death sentence...it is completely manageable like many other chronic conditions. Anyway, best of luck to you and your treatment!

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Mark100
Member

Reged: 02/23/13
Posts: 27
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270774 - 02/24/13 06:06 PM

Thanks Danigirl! ;-)
Yeah the diagnosis kinda sucks but what can ya do. I'll get through this one day at a time like everyone else. I beleive I got this for a reason and I'm going to make the most of it.

I'm sorry to hear your husband tested positive as well. It does take a while to accept it. I don't know if I have fully yet. I know I will in a few weeks when I get my blood work with the numbers. And like you said it's a chronic illness just like diabetes. As long as we manage it we can expect to live long, exicitng and happy lives ;-)
Best of luck to you guys as well!

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cm82391
Regular

Reged: 03/08/12
Posts: 48
Loc: Reno NV
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270832 - 02/27/13 12:59 AM

Its all about how you choose to deal with it.

Take a positive approach and you get positive results (No pun intended).

Best of luck to you, not that it sounds like you need it. You've got a very good outlook so far!

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iam1
Fanatic

Reged: 06/17/09
Posts: 164
Loc: Georgia
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270844 - 02/27/13 02:58 PM

Mark, I think you're dealing with your test result about as well as anybody can.

Let me say something about the way you were told. There honestly isn't an easy way to tell anybody they've tested positive. I've been HIV+ for well over 20 years. I test others regularly. There have only been a couple to test positive out of the hundreds of tests I've done, and they were in my office. Not out at a healthfair type event. I'm sure your doctor was extremely nervous. (Society still thinks of HIV as an instant death sentance. Nothing could be further from the truth.) Your doctor did his best to try to give you what little "bad" news he had to try to lessen the blow of the BIG NEWS! One day hopefully before your doctor retires you'll be able to look back on that day and thank him for telling you. For trying to care about how he told you.

You been with your current for almost 6 years. He doesn't text positive. Have you considered the possibility that you went into that relationship already positive? HIV is a tricky little bugger. It doesn't behave the same in each person. Some people will carry it for years before any symptoms show. Some people will show symptoms almost immediately. It has to do with how well you body controls the infection. There are many factors involved.

Now, here's the biggie that many people don't realize (Danger Will Robinson! Danger!) - just because you're HIV+ and have unprotected sex with someone who isn't doesn't mean you're going to give them the virus. The reason I say this is dangerous information is because someone out there is going to say they read here INCORRECTLY that they could have unprotected sex with whomever they wanted and do what bunnies do. This is NOT the case!!!

That being said there is definately a risk of transmission each time you have sex with your partner. But, the risk isn't 100%. If you have been HIV+ these past 6 years your boyfriend should be buying lottery tickets with all his luck.

At least you've found this website. There isn't a place on the internet with better, more accurate information regarding HIV!

Charles

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Mark100
Member

Reged: 02/23/13
Posts: 27
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270873 - 02/28/13 12:16 PM

Hey Charles,
thanks for your message. Yeah, I realise that there is no easy way to tell anyone that they're HIV+, I guess it wasn't really the way that he told me that shocked me, it was more that I really was not expecting it at all.

I'm pretty sure I didn't bring HIV into the relationship because I was tested in 2008, 2009, and January 2010 and they all come back negative. My partner was also tested in October 2011 and he came back negative as well. So, I'm assuming from the symptoms that I had over xmas time, with the rash, night sweats and stuff that I was infected with the guy we fooled around with in early December.

As for the sex part, my bf and I are going to take a break from that for a bit until we educate ourselves a little more and stuff like that. We're in no hurry. We know we love each other so there's no real pressure. There is a bit of tension at the moment however because even though he tested negative, him and I had unprotected sex while on vacation the beginning of February, so there is still a slight chance he caught. Although he hasn't showed any symptoms yet at all so hopefully he'll be ok, time will tell.

I'm so happy I found this website and people like you who I can ask questions too. Thanks again for all the info ;-)
Cheers,
Mark

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NcLongtermer
Member

Reged: 03/17/11
Posts: 15
Loc: North Carolina
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270894 - 02/28/13 09:40 PM

Hi Mark,

My first comment is KEEP THE FAITH. DON'T GIVE UP OR GIVE IN TO THIS DISEASE.

This POZ thing is what you make it. I decided in 1985 when I tested positive that I would outlive HIV/AIDS.

Many negative thoughts kept going through my head, like "Who do you know that has beaten this disease?" I decided to be one for the record books.

I have always kept an optimistic view of this this. It has been my best teacher. I have learned a whole lot about many things. Like. . . what is REALLY important and what isn't.

Fortunately, I am a former employee of Duke University Medical Center, so I knew who the really good Docs were. I am with a wonderful researcher of HIV, and together we have kept me here all these many years. I am doing well. Although, I have some battle scars that came along the journey, but I am still very active and looking forward to the day that I will reap the benefits of the cure.

I will close with a quote from and old country song . . .

"The dream never dies, just the dreamer,
The dream never dies if it's strong,
The song never stops, just the singer,
So, come on everybody, dream along."

All the best to you, fellow pligrim on the journey.

Michael

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Mark100
Member

Reged: 02/23/13
Posts: 27
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270903 - 03/01/13 08:11 AM

Hey Michael,
thank you so much for the very inspiring message. It must have been so scary for you to have been diagnosed back in 1985, with probably not very many treatment options at all. I truly believe in what you say about being optimistic, and except for the first couple of days after being told, I've been nothing but optimistic. It really does change the way you look at life and what things really become important to you.

This diagnosis makes me want to be the best person I can be. I guess the only source of negativity in my life at the moment would be my bf. He luckily didn't test positive from the guy we fooled around with but he's still taking it very hard. He has a very hard time coping with difficult news in general and usually turns to drinking to ease his pain. This is something that is so far from what I do when I'm faced with a difficult situation so it's hard for me to understand and it also causes me a great deal of stress. And at this time in my life I know it's very important that I eliminate as much stress that I can because it can weakens the immune system. He knows what he's doing is causing me stress but continues to do it anyway saying he can't help it. It's been like this in the past as well, so this is nothing new. The thing that is new, is the hiv and the fact that I have to start taking very good care of myself and eliminating unwanted negativity. I will give this a month or so and see how things go, I'm hoping he'll decide to come around.

I'll KEEP THE FAITH, don't worry ;-)
Cheers,
Mark



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gindc
Newbie

Reged: 02/02/12
Posts: 2
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270908 - 03/01/13 03:13 PM

Mark, I'm very sorry to hear about your seroconversion and it's good to know you're dealing with this relatively well.
Your story is interesting to me, coming from somebody actually working on HIV research. I can only think of two possible explanations:
1. you got infected and seroconverted before 12/12, i.e., some time between your last negative test result and 12/12
2. you had some mucosal damage in the mouth (dental work, canker sore, cold sore, sore throat, abrasions, etc.) when you had oral sex with this guy last December. Even then, this guy must have a lot of HIV in his semen (possible, but not as high as you would have it in the blood) and that semen remained in your mouth long enough to make that infection happen. The normal saliva has even been shown to have a protein with anti-HIV properties, hence reports of oral transmission is rare.
The mode of transmission in your case is a big question mark, and only you can fill in that information to make an educated guess (working along with an HIV specialist).
It's unfortunate you appear to have been infected in what seems to me an unusual way, but I wish you the best. Hang in there, hopefully we'll find a cure in the next 5-10 years.

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Mark100
Member

Reged: 02/23/13
Posts: 27
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Re: Just completely unexpectedly tested positive. new
      #270910 - 03/01/13 04:35 PM

Hi gindc
thanks so much for your message. My story is interesting to me as well. All the doctors I've seen so far as well can't believe that I was infected orally. The only thing that I could think of it that sometimes when I give oral, my bottom teeth irritate my bottom lip. I wouldn't say it cuts it, but it irritates it to the point where it's noticeable. Also this night I was a bit nervous during this threesome and when I get nervous my mouth gets dry, and on two occasions I did go to get a glass of water. I'm not sure if that could do it, but something did. The doctors also told me if he was in the early stages like I am now that his viral load would have been very high, like you said, and this could have helped in the transmission.

As far as it happening earlier, it is possible I guess, but then again it would have to have happened through oral sex because my bf and I ALWAYS practice safer sex, this isn't an option. I also never let other guys ejaculate in my mouth besides my bf, which I thought also reduced the risk.

Our last threesome before that would have been summer 2012, and again, all very safe. Also considering that I developed the hiv flu like symptoms around 3 weeks after being with this guy in 12/12, it seems more probably that it came from him.

It's all very baffling and I've racked my mind over it for the past week, but I guess I'll never know, except that I got it from a very low risk activity. I guess they say there is a risk with oral for a reason and I am an example of this reason.

If you need anymore information, let me know. ;-)
Thanks again for your message!
Mark

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