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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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helpmeunderstand
Newbie

Reged: 12/05/12
Posts: 14
Just Received The News
      #269444 - 12/05/12 06:10 PM

Today i was at work and got a call from my doctor i had been going to about a swollen lymph node in my neck and low and behold he tells me i am hiv+. I'm just numb at this point, i want to cry, i want to be angry at myself for allowing this to happen. I don't know how to cope. I keep thinking in my mind i am dying. I don't go see the Infectious disease specialist until Friday and i honestly feel like i just want to die. I just need support right now. I cant tell my mom, not right now. I know it will be a huge disappointment. I think you all in advance for your kind words

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1812
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269461 - 12/06/12 09:04 AM

Listen carefully from someone thats been pos for going on over 20 years, YOUR GOING TO BE FINE. I know that is hard to belive right now, we've all been there but most importantly we're still here and actually doing better than ever. I know all about all the thoughts that are running like crazy in your head right now. Just keep taking deep breaths and reassure yourself that this is just a situation . Nothing more than that. Fell free to pm me any time you want. I always respond back . You'll be ok . This is not the end of the world , its just a change and you'll learn what it takes to adjust . It's not as difficult as you mind thinks.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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jeannie10
Newbie

Reged: 10/24/12
Posts: 21
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269468 - 12/06/12 03:13 PM

I know how you feel I was diagnose 1yr ago and I am 65 yrs old. you will be surprize the strenght you will have, i went down to 85 Pounds. You will be shocked how well the meds will help you, I am now 135# and feel great, people even ask me if i had face work done. LOL if they only knew. I have only told a few people but you do need to tell someone for support, I can understand you do not want to tell your mom, maybe a close freind you can confide in. I have no meeting s or anything where I live this website is my bible and has kept me going so please stay strong , you will get through it.

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BrokenWingedBird
Expert

Reged: 11/30/04
Posts: 113
Loc: United Kingdom.
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269469 - 12/06/12 03:23 PM

My goodness, when I saw your message in the Body's email bulletin it jumped out and reminded me of the state of mind I was in when I learnt I was HIV+, way back in 2000! I felt just like you do now. I just wanted to run away and hide.

But RiverPrincess and Jeannie are right. You will be all right. It's going to be difficult, but just keep repeating, "I am going to get through this!", and you will.

Jeannie is right to say you need to have a person you can confide in. But be very very careful about who you select. Maybe you should wait a while. It would be best to just talk with people here on these boards until such time as you feel more together and you have got lots of information together and you feel stronger. The last thing you need right now is any additional drama, like someone not reacting in the most sympathetic way.

Your mum may not react in the best way. I don't know what she's like. But you should only ever tell her once you are fully prepared and you have got over the initial shock.

Be strong. Be careful. There ARE good people out there for you. You now owe it to yourself to ask them for help. There will be resources somewhere near you. Just take your time and locate them.

I'm hoping the best for you.


--------------------
Without a dream, life is a broken-winged bird that cannot fly. Keep hold of your dreams.

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Crickets12
Newbie

Reged: 12/06/12
Posts: 2
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269470 - 12/06/12 03:29 PM

I remember feeling the exact same way the day I found out five years ago. You feel lost, hopeless, angry, and I know I was definitely disappointed in myself. Everybody around me (doctors, nurses, counselors, others with HIV) explained that I would be ok. That I wasn't going to die. That I could live a long healthy life. But did I believe that? No. The initial shock is the worst part. My best advice is to surround yourself with support. You might find it hard to believe but I now find myself realizing that this virus has taught me a valuable life lesson. It has caused me to live each day more fully, pushed me to trust and love after many years of running away from potential relationships, to literally clean up my act and through helping others, found a purpose that I didn't have before. You'll get there soon too, I promise.

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Maan78
Newbie

Reged: 09/22/09
Posts: 1
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269471 - 12/06/12 03:30 PM

Hey, as others already wrote, you will be fine. When I got my result 7 years ago, age 27, it came out of the blue. I wasn't afraid of dying, but I was convinced I'd be single for the rest of my life. But this wasn't true, life goes on and you do the best with what you have. And quite honestly, life isn't much different being poz after all. If you need to talk or ask questions, feel free to write me. It's important to connect and talk, cause you're far from alone, and you will be just fine.

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seanullar1
Newbie

Reged: 12/06/12
Posts: 1
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269473 - 12/06/12 05:07 PM

may I just start out by saying how brave I think you are ! You have already reached out , support is all around if you desire. The emotions are so valid and let yourself feel them .You are not alone . I have a blog I wrote a while back when I got the news . I won't bore or scare you with it , It may be good for you to start a journal or something to vent with .Feel free to hit me up ! stay strong....Blessed Be..

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helpmeunderstand
Newbie

Reged: 12/05/12
Posts: 14
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269474 - 12/06/12 05:24 PM

Thank you all so much. I just got back from my appt with the ID specialist and he really helped to put my mind at ease somewhat. I know it is still going to take some time, but i also know that life goes on whether i go along with it or let it pass me by. I know that with everyone from this online community's support and possibly others in some sort of support group i will be able to make it just fine

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anna1973
Newbie

Reged: 12/05/12
Posts: 13
Loc: kenya
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269487 - 12/07/12 02:59 AM

hi u r brave in seeking help right away, but 4 now just sit on the issue 4 a while cos disclosure is a process u need to know WHO? WHY? WHEN? WHERE? and finally how you will feel about it later am here if you need some1 to talk to ps been+ since 2002 have twins 15yrs now both- i thank GOD

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NcLongtermer
Member

Reged: 03/17/11
Posts: 15
Loc: North Carolina
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269491 - 12/07/12 07:35 AM

Well, helpmeunderstand, I speak from 27 years of being POZ. I found out in my late 20's. At that time in 1985, we had no drugs to help us. I have remained positive that I would live to benefit from the cure, whenever that is. You will be fine, and I am living proof that you can live with this in a healthy way, if you make the decision to do what it takes. If you want to talk, or need support from a long-termer, please don't hesitate to contact me. Take good care of yourself. You are worth it!!


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helpmeunderstand
Newbie

Reged: 12/05/12
Posts: 14
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269492 - 12/07/12 09:11 AM

Thank you all once again for your kind words. The support from you all has really helped and my appt with the doc went good and he helped to really put my mind at ease some. I.just went to.have my labs done so in two weeks I will have my numbers and will update when I get those

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njpozdad
Regular

Reged: 01/26/11
Posts: 51
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Re: Just Received The News new
      #269502 - 12/07/12 05:34 PM

I have been poz since July 2010. At first I was scared but after learning all i can about HIV I became adjusted and now I am ok. I went on Meds right away and have become a fitness junky.....Do everything you can to stay healthy. There is one VERY IMPORTANT thing to remember......TREAT YOURSELF WELL. PAMPER YOURSELF.....DON'T BLAME YOURSELF. My email address is in my profile so feel free to email me with any questions you may have......The support of other HIV+ people is essential.......Be Good.....

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