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HIV Life >> I Just Tested Positive

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Reged: 03/28/12
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Telling Someone...I really need help and opinions!
      #262084 - 03/28/12 07:19 PM

Hi everybody, so I am recently diagnosed as being HIV+ and I am slowly trying to digest all the information I can get. It was an overwhelming and scary experience hearing it for the first time. I am still having this negative feeling in my stomach, and I know that this is normal, but I think it's because I am having a hard time trying to disclose to someone about it. He is a casual partner. I feel deathly afraid of telling him.

The last I was tested was last year, and was pretty good at being safe. I had a partner last year that I trusted and saw on a regular basis. Then I met this other guy and we started having sexual relations, and we both knew our status as being negative.

So I haven't been with my first regular partner for a while and we hooked up beginning of Feb of this year, having trusting him, we did have uprotected sex. Then end of Feb, I hooked up with my second casual partner. So I got a call from the public health nurse that I should get tested for HIV. So as of March 2012, definitely diagnosed with having an Acute HIV infection.

Now I know I have to tell my second partner, because I think my first partner gave it to me. He has suddenly removed his profile on manhunt and I just have a hunch. Anyway that is besides the point. I am deathly afraid of telling him, because if I have the nurse call him he's going to know that I might have it or that I gave it to him he he gets tested positive.

I feel at fault here and at this moment I am really hating myself. It was not my intention to him on this situation. I am really not a very confrontational person. When, where is the best time to do this? What do I say, all I know is I have to be truthful. I am just DEATHLY afraid, if it will go down to legal issues.

I have accepted the fact that I have the virus, its just telling him. Please help me! I live in Canada, BC

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Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1895
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Telling Someone...I really need help and opinions! new
      #262086 - 03/28/12 07:55 PM

Hi there , first may I sa that I'm soory that this has happened to you but may I also reassure you that it's not your falt. The only error that you made was in trusting your first partner after not seeing him for that time. He is the one that should feel bad about all this , thats if he is even aware himself. And as for the one your with now , well just quietly sit with him and tell him of your fears , and that you just found this out and feel the need to inform him as soon as possible. I can't say how he'll react, probably the same as you did , but the difference is that he , you, can't be sure if hes infected or not. You did not mention whether you used protection with your second partner . But tell him you just want him to get tested . Yes it will be a hard thing to do but sweetie , I hope and pray that he respects the fact that your letting him now now and not later. Let me know how it goes. You can private message me if yo like. My thoughts and prayers go out to both of you. And if you just want to talk about your learning and coming to terms with this your in the right place. Many folk will help you here.

Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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Reged: 03/08/12
Posts: 48
Loc: Reno NV
Re: Telling Someone...I really need help and opinions! new
      #262279 - 04/05/12 06:12 PM

So sorry to hear about your diagnosis. Let me just tell you, its not going to be an easy thing to tell ANY of your sexual partners, current or future.

When I was first diagnosed, the hardest part for me was knowing that I have to tell this person that they had given it to me. Yeah, I could have just let the health department deal with it, but what kind of person would I be??

The only thing you can do, it be honest. Either way he takes the news, its not going to be the same! Tell him that its imperative that he gets tested for his own health. And like River said, at least you're telling him sooner rather than later!!!

Let us know what happens!

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Reged: 02/02/11
Posts: 464
Loc: Thailand
Re: Telling Someone...I really need help and opinions! new
      #263229 - 05/24/12 08:14 AM

From the news I am hearing, you should be ok in telling him because you did not have sex with him knowing that you were already positive. From what you say, it was the opposite; that you had been testing semi-regularly and had been negative. It seems that you never got a positive result and then went out with him again, not telling him. I think the laws can only apply to those that know and then conceal it, otherwise everyone in the world would be potentially culpable.

If you just found out and are telling him immediately, I think you would probably be protecting yourself. What does the clinic say that did your testing? Can they not offer you any support in this?

Keep yourself very protected from here on forward - you do not want to get reinfected or set yourself up to actually be pursued legally in the future! Please let us know how it goes.

By the way, it goes both ways, what about the person who may have infected you?

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