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HIV Life >> Relationships and Dating

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Tigeress1975
Newbie

Reged: 05/09/14
Posts: 1
Loc: TN
I am HIV- woman IN love with a HIV+ man. . . .
      #276181 - 05/10/14 12:13 AM

I knew about his status before the talk about us even liking each other last year. He was/is very honest and upfront about his status and I admire him for that. We started to date and it took us almost 2 months to make love. I am just curious is there anyone else out there in this situation? I know he has internal demons he is contending with and I am just looking for advice and some support. Granted, my kids are ok with him as they are teenagers but the rest of my family is not very happy about it. The ones who know anyways. . . . ANY advice would be VERY helpful! I am really IN love with this man.

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1764
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: I am HIV- woman IN love with a HIV+ man. . . . new
      #276184 - 05/10/14 09:29 AM

There are many " mixed" couples that have a wonderful life together . As long as you educate yourself you will be find.Don't let the heat of the moments rule without taking precautions. It's so easy to say " Aw the heck with stopping to put a condom on , lets just go for it this one time" Use the placing of the condon as part of the foreplay . As for what other people think , that is their problem and I know its not easy for your man having to still have some inner issues. That is something that he is going to have to work through. And it won't always be easy . Has he ever sought counseling? Is it something that is causing other problems in your relationship? These questions define what is needed to work through them. My husband and I both had many issues of guilt and anger to deal with . For us our counseling was looking at what life is all about. We started our search while we were both in prison and continue it in a church that God had alredy lined up for us.I'm not talking about religion but a deeper spiritual thing. And not the type of spyritual that most folks just toss about but a deep inner look .For us, it was our healing grace. Your welcome to talk more if you so desire. I am not a pushy judgement person , Lord knows the demons I had and still have. It's a constant work in progress but the rewards are amazing.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 459
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: I am HIV- woman IN love with a HIV+ man. . . . new
      #276185 - 05/10/14 10:40 AM

This is wonderful to read how HIV hasn't become the front of a relationship. That it is just something you have to be aware of and that the emotion of the relationship can be the focus.

Other peoples judgements are just that, naive uninformed views of what HIV is, it may take educating these people to finally open their eyes regarding the love you both share. Some people are still very much in the dark (or atleast 30 years ago thinking) when it comes to someone with HIV, they just need to be brought up to pace!

Internal demons, well, he needs to come to terms with those. I know I had/have my share too. Just know that your role in all that is to be supportive and helpful when need be, but don't try to fix, he needs to help himself when it comes to those issues! If he is confused about having a relationship and being with you, tell him to come on and talk to me about mixed relationships. I'm happily married, kids, grandkids and surprisingly it took HIV to wake me up and see all the wonderful I have in my life!

I am very happy for you, and your kids for seeing the special in a person. The rest of the famiily and friends don't even need to know his status, health issues are usually something that are of a personal nature anyway ... the people closest to him are the important one's to know, the rest it's "on a need to know basis, and they don't need to know".

Take meds, use protection, be aware and educated ... and the intimate part of your relationship can be just as fulfilling as anyone else. I know people will split hairs on that last note but it's the formula that works for me!

All the best to you, and don't be a stranger on this site. Tell him he's more then welcome to sign in and share his story too. We need more people like you and your kids and your boyfriend coming to this site and telling your stories! An opportunity to let others know ... they are not alone!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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Daddy_Bearby
Member

Reged: 07/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Alabama
Re: I am HIV- woman IN love with a HIV+ man. . . . new
      #276208 - 05/14/14 01:49 PM

Honey does it really matter what anyone else thinks if u Love him with all your heart well I say No it's none of any one else's business who u love be they poz or not !
I can say that with the authority of my knowledge of having loved a non poz man now for over these past 28 years.
IN fact he was standing at my bed side when the word came from the dr that I had aids ( when his misinformed self wasn't aware that I was simply poz ).
Yet here we are this time later in our lives having lived and loved and seen many others that did not think we would last this long and there they are taking their perpetual dirt naps and we are thriving helping each other thru our various health maladies each day so we can live our lives to the fullest until we meet much the same fate .
So if U love him let nothing other than your own fears make any decision ( s) for either of you and as to him being scared of cross infecting ( also known as sero-converting ) you well if the usual standard precautions are put to use that will be little if any chance of such a thing happening and we are Proof of that .

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Abivic
Newbie

Reged: 06/27/14
Posts: 18
Re: I am HIV- woman IN love with a HIV+ man. . . . new
      #277282 - 07/21/14 07:08 AM

Hey, it is wonderful to read your post and yes I truly agree with you your status should not determine your love, well I have joined www.pozbuddies.com to find love and have a relationship with a poz man, I really wish my life turns like it did to you, Thanks for sharing.

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