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HIV Life >> Relationships and Dating

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stylengrace
Newbie

Reged: 04/25/14
Posts: 2
Hopeless
      #276071 - 04/25/14 06:49 PM

I've been HIV positive since I was 19 years old and as most of you can imagine and relate, dating has been my most difficult struggle that's come along with my new status. I was so young I didn't really get a chance to date "regularly" since I was diagnosed so young. It's been a constant struggle and hasn't gotten any easier. I just feel like no one understands how hard it is and that makes me feel like i'm alone. I have hope in my heart that some guy will accept me even with the HIV but my hope has been to no avail. I've had relationships where guys pretended to be ok with it only to treat me like I was a leper. I've had guys say it was ok just to use me and in the past i've been desperate and lonely enough to let it happen. Now when it meet guys it seems to be the same story. I like him, he likes me, he finds out I have HIV and almost immediately I never hear from them again. It's hard because I really don't like to tell people about my status as it is because i'm a private person, but that feeling of rejection never gets any less painful. I'm 27 now, no kids, beautiful, smart, kind, I know i'm a quality woman. I feel like the only thing holding me back is my status. At this point I just feel hopeless and depressed. Is there anyone out there who can help? Am I the only one going through this?

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fnlost
Newbie

Reged: 04/25/14
Posts: 1
Re: Hopeless new
      #276073 - 04/25/14 08:56 PM

Not sure what to say except I wish you all the best , I think Im positive and my life has come to a complete stop , I can't tell anyone , I'm straight white male in los angeles and will lose my career, my friends , everything if anyone finds out . 99 % of people are not understanding where I live i don't care what they say , I can't imagine anyone not having this that would ever look past it . the thought of never having a girlfriend again is just...... ..... well you understand I guess thats why i replied .I think you are so brave to try , but in all honesty I think you need to find a guy your age in similar circumstances

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Hopeless new
      #276079 - 04/26/14 12:18 PM

Well first welcome to thebody website and you have posted this in a great location, the relationship forum. I'm hearing your story, your anguish in your post, it can be a troubling time and very depressing.

When we think depression, hopelessness, lonliness we always turn to the thought that our "happy" is out there, waiting for us. That a person or thing that will bring us the most happiness will one day cross our paths. It's a beautiful thought, but not real!

You mention that you know your a qualilty woman ... beautiful, smart, kind ... but do you believe that! Start within you, don't let HIV start living your life, don't let HIV be the front of who you are and definitly DON'T let it hold you back. It's along for the ride.

Do some soul searching, find yourself and start loving yourself. Don't sit there alone afraid to encounter people because you have HIV. If we all thought that we would all be hiding in our rooms like hermits, food slid under the door by some caring passer by, windows covered in old newspapers from a happier era!

This forum is great for finding people, there are also other online dating sites for POZ people, throw a profile on ... see what happens, try going to your local HIV support centre, maybe volunteer and from there meet other poz people.

Having HIV, I will admit, takes some work now to find people, relationships, friends ... but you have to start being your own friend first, look inside you and become the person you want to meet. Start loving yourself, respecting yourself, apreciating yourself and suddenly the shroud of lonliness starts to lift and you start seeing the people that won't run from you. You don't need to tell people about your status unless something is turning intimate, so until then make friends, find out how they feel about people with an illness or a disability ... it is through this practice alot of us find we surround ourselves with alot of rather shallow people. Find the quality people who are open minded, compassionate, understanding .... and from there a relationship will soon follow!

Let me share one other scenario, alot of gay men, who lets say, live out in the rural areas or small towns, scared to "come out" because they are too afraid of the stigma of being gay. They live a very lonely depressed life, scared to be themselves, scared they will never find love. Once they become comfortable with who they really are, accept who they are and come out of that ... they find the world really isn't as bad as they were told. People who couldn't accept them, left them ... their loss ... those that accept it with them, amazing friendships and from those friendships romance can spark!

Be strong, be brave, and look in the mirror and start loving that person from the inside out. Then when that loving aura starts reaching out it will envelope the people you really want to have in your life!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1808
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Hopeless new
      #276083 - 04/27/14 06:50 PM

I don't agree with you frnlost. First of all you don't even know if your positive, you said, " I think Im positive " so how can you tell someone that definitly is to just find someone their own age that is. I have a girlfriend that is neg and she dated a pos guy for 7 years.She would still be with him if he didn't pass away from other medical problems. There are many " mixed " relationships in this world. Follow your heart and in the meantime also just focus on yourself . How we percieve ourselves is how others will. Education for both you and any possible partnes is the key. Don't settle as fnlost says.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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naim
Newbie

Reged: 04/29/06
Posts: 3
Loc: wash dc
Re: Hopeless new
      #276105 - 04/29/14 09:59 PM

cheer up theres some one out there for you. and that just may be me. i have been looking to

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tobesweet
Newbie

Reged: 09/08/12
Posts: 6
Loc: New York Queens/Long Island
Re: Hopeless new
      #276223 - 05/15/14 05:49 PM

We are all going through the something, you are not the only one, but there is hope for everyone, WE are still alive ...

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