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HIV Life >> Relationships and Dating

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Natti
New User

Reged: 01/06/14
Posts: 1
Trust issues, friendship, loneliness
      #274676 - 01/06/14 04:44 PM

Hello everyone. I decided to come here because I have been diagnosed for 2 years and I am extremely lonely. I am a 32 year old single woman with no children and have never been married. I am in a new state for about a year but I am too scared to make new friends for fear they accidentally found about me and reject me. Or worse yet tell others and everyone rejects me. I have not had any male companionship since being diagnosed and I am extremely lonely. I told my boss about me being positive and he agreed to be my friend. However, he knew he was my only friend and he knew he was the only one to know my secret in the immediate workplace so he basically used me. I allowed myself to be used. I probably welcomed it because to me he made me feel like any other negative woman. How stupid is that? I just ended that friendship recently and I am very lonely. Please help...

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riverprincessModerator
Veteran

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1823
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Trust issues, friendship, loneliness new
      #274679 - 01/06/14 06:56 PM

Hey Nattie, It pisses me off when I hear of men like that. Not that any SOB deserves to be infected but lets say if he did well then too bad for him. With that not so nice comment being made , don't let that cause you to shut your door completely to true friendships. I'm glad that you found this place. Here you can speak freely and even possibly make a serious friendship . There are many people looking for someone to share life with . Any relationship, even just true friendships take timeand trust. I know it's not easy to let ones guard down. And any reall gentleman will understand and respect that. Your safe here girl. And you can even pm me if you want a non judgeental friend to talk to . I can even introduce you to some folks that I know would never talk down to you. So stop on by any time . I talk to quite a few individuals, and all stays private. I'm just a caring spiiirit.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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anotherday
Regular

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 488
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Trust issues, friendship, loneliness new
      #274680 - 01/06/14 10:35 PM

Hi Natti, and welcome to the body website, you've found a great circle of friendship and understanding here ... please stick around!

I want to mention first regarding your situation, the need to tell ... it's not necessary, when your breaking ground on new friendships they don't need to know your medical situation unless your planning on having an intimate relationship with one of them. Don't make HIV the front of who you are, always know it's just HIV. If it accidently was brought out to friends and they can't handle it and abandon you, they weren't worth having. Good friends will repsect you and be there for you.

Let me give you a scenario, so many gay men always worry about "coming out" ... how parents will react, friends, family, work ... many of them panic to suicide even, once they come out they find it was not that big of deal, those that accept it just went on like nothing happened, those that couldn't handle it, were gone. If you have to for your own peace of mind, then disclose, but don't worry about having to do it ... if your happy with the way you are just be you!

I don't know enough detail on your relationship with the work colleague, it's hard to pass a judgement call on that one. If you are attaching your lonliness to a sexual nature, then you best come to terms and educate a little more reagrding HIV. If that guy just took advantage of the situation, hold your head high and move on, he isn't worth a second glance. The right person will come along, but as I have suggested to many people based on my own experience, find the love of yourself first, be your own best friend first ... once you have that in place many great things will come of it.

People come to people who are confident and comfortable with themselves, who respect and love themselves ... become one of those people and your lonely days will be long behind you! Many people suggest dating sites, personal ads, dating groups ... but until your ready, it's just consuming time!

You have made a great step forward though, coming to this site, we can all be really great friends here and feel free to pm and chat anytime. It's the start of netwroking and the start of you finding out who YOU are! Again welcome and look forward to hearing more about your life journey!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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jimwhoski
New User

Reged: 05/25/13
Posts: 5
Re: Trust issues, friendship, loneliness new
      #274780 - 01/14/14 08:22 PM

Hello Natti. Let me apologize for those cowards that call themselves so called men and use women in ways that are demeaning and otherwise. I've been living w/, my blessings as I call them, HIV/HCV since the early 80's, AIDS/PCP in 2000 and been on meds since. Let me congratulate you on reaching out for help from others. I used sites made for people living w/ HIV and STD's as searching for friendship, companionship, etc... Just do a search on hiv single dating sites. Hivnet & positive singles are good sites in my opinion. I've gone public w/ my status on fb and joined on public dating sites through there also. Let's just say I put myself out there and if someone is interested, who lives close enough not to make a road trip out of it lol, I'll give it a shot. After all...getting to know one another to become friends and enjoy each others company comes first and is worth the try. I have friends on my fb page I talk to living w/ hiv but I don't go telling others even those who are also w/hiv+. Good luck!

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Rockharder009
New User

Reged: 03/26/14
Posts: 1
Re: Trust issues, friendship, loneliness new
      #275801 - 03/26/14 09:06 PM

Hi natti, sorry you've ran into someone like that. I understand completely, I told my my closest family and in turn they told everyone else. I feel rejected here in the state I live in currently. I have been let go or terminated from three different jobs( 2 good ones) because they wanted to know why I was seeing the dr so much in a month. Well it was either disclose or let them dig and then have them fire me for some stupd reason. So I basically have pretty much lost hope that there is anyone out there that can reach out and be a little open minded about life. I think I made a very big mistake telling even my family, I think this should be best kept a secret until you meet someone you wanna spend your time and life with that will look past these things. I'm lonely also, maybe we talk sometime? I'm 33 and never married. And would like to tell you I'd like to be your friend. My names Ian... Things will get better, keep your head up!!

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