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HIV Life >> Relationships and Dating

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hivstudent
Newbie

Reged: 04/27/13
Posts: 16
The one I love is HIV - !
      #271896 - 05/01/13 10:46 AM

Hey people! well I have been in a long distance relationship for a month now! and I was thinking about moving to the USA for that guy! and it was one of the reasons I rushed to get tested! and tested positive!
I disclosed my status to him, and he is deeply in love with me! so am I. I told him we should detach and just be friends! no more than friends cuz' I could not love with this! if anything happens to you! I would blame myself and thing will just get worse! but then he gets sad, and writes me this big message about how I give him "knots in his stomach" and how he is willing to take the next step with me! no matter what and we still have got plenty of options and we can take precautions!
so the questions is: WHAT DO I DO? I mean I love him sooo much and deeply! how do I protect him? what is safe and what is not?
Thanks so much!

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kicker
Moderator

Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1016
Loc: GA, USA
Re: The one I love is HIV - ! new
      #271898 - 05/01/13 11:51 AM

May I make an observation and you can do with it what you will. I am very good at picking up on patterns of behavior more than the emotional aspect of a certain one.

You said some key words in your post(s) that displayed a common pattern that people exhibit when given bad news. First one being you are in a rush and want quick and easy answers to your school situation. Second you said, "I could not love with this."

It is common for people to try to change things when they receive some traumatizing news and to do it in a hurry. It wouldn't surprise me if you thought something along the lines that this other guy will be the only guy to ever love you again. I would question his motives and how long you have known him and for how long. A month or two isn't really long enough to uproot yourself and go to a place you know nothing about and know no one else. What happens if you get there and he wants something you are not ready for? How will he respond? Who will help you if he decides that he really doesn't want the relationship or you find that you don't?

I would suggest finding a therapist you can talk to and that can help you look at the reasons rationally as to why you feel so rushed. After something so shattering that a HIV diagnosis can be for some people it really is best to take a deep breath and try not to change to much all at once. You can't run from yourself or being HIV+.

Just an observation do with it what you want.

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AboutTimex
Member

Reged: 11/12/12
Posts: 22
Re: The one I love is HIV - ! new
      #272123 - 05/20/13 08:34 PM

If you love each other do not let his - statur or your + status get in the way. Finding a connection is MUCH more rare than finding someone of the same status. Just be sure both of you are alright with it. It's not only about his comfort, you must be comfortable too.

It's very easy to avoid spreading the disease: wear a condom. Also, get undetectable. I started Complera in Sept '12 and was Undetectable within a month. Doubt I could spread this now even if I wanted to and tried! It would take a lot of effort.

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mathguy
Newbie

Reged: 06/01/13
Posts: 3
Re: The one I love is HIV - ! new
      #272292 - 06/01/13 01:07 AM

Actually I'm on the other end of this. I'm negative, and dating a newly positive guy. I fear that, like you, maybe, he's stressing out about dating a negative guy (me). Maybe too like your guy, I'm totally cool with dating a positive guy... especially one I think I care about a lot.

Could you maybe explain more your fears of dating him?

After a bit of searching, you'll find that seroconversion among serodiscordant couples is just ridiculously low when people use condoms for anal sex. My doctor even said that, though riskier, it'd be even not so risky for him to top you.

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