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Reged: 03/29/13
Posts: 2
Hi, feel so devastated, can somebody help me please...
      #271475 - 04/02/13 06:16 AM

My bf just got diagnosed with HIV. I am scared I might have that too. For the past one month since his first test, i have always felt terrible. Nightmares, fears at dawn, tears at dusk, heartbroken, bittersweet... I will not leave my bf, we are supposed to live together forever, b/c we love each other. I just don't feel like i have a future ahead. I feel so terrified, i don't know what to do. Can you please give me some advice from your experience? I feel like we are going to die soon when we are still too young and have too much to do. What do you do to keep your heads above grey clouds everyday?

Thank you very much...

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Reged: 04/02/09
Posts: 84
Loc: Milwaukee Wisconsin
Re: Hi, feel so devastated, can somebody help me please... new
      #271482 - 04/03/13 12:30 AM

My partner and I had been together going on 20 years when I found out I was HIV+. We got through it, and four years later we are stronger because of it. I started a blog the day I found out I was HIV. The link is below. If you want to talk, please feel free to email me. I think I might be able to help since we were where you are.


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Reged: 06/18/09
Posts: 303
Loc: Georgia
Re: Hi, feel so devastated, can somebody help me please... new
      #271537 - 04/06/13 05:33 PM

I'm going to tell you like I tell everybody who just finds out they or a loved one has HIV - BREATH! Deeply. In and out. Don't ever forget to stop breathing.

Two things you NEED to know - 1) There is very good treatment for people with HIV. Life expectancy is on the order of many years. We're talking 40 years and more. And, 2) You have joined the world of sero-discordant couples. In a relationship where one person is HIV+ and the other isn't. These couples tend to stay together nutil they decide to not stay together. Gee.... Sounds like a couple of people who are both HIV- or both HIV+. Who'da thunk?

You are not the first. You won't be the last.

What changes do you have to make that other couples don't? We'll be requiring you to paint your house electric blue and dye your hair neon yellow. Oh, and you'll also have to practice safer sex habits. This means condom use EACH and EVERY time you have penetrative sex. You'll have to wash the dishes after eating. You'll have to wear a shirt when you go to the store. You'll be paying the electric and phone bills monthly. And, for dinner I'd recommend the "food". You may take a vacation from time to time depending on work and financial conditions. You can go to the movie. You can go to the park. You can even go out dancing if that's what you want to do.

What's that? For the most part that's what every other couple does? Well, why didn't someone tell me that things weren't going to change drastically?

Levity aside - HIV can be a serious malady. It's a disease. Nothing more. Nothing less. It's not a sign from any God telling anyone that they have sinned and are going to rot in hell for eternity. It's not part of anybody's plot to take over the world by wiping out selected groups of people inhabiting the Earth. It's a disease for which there are excellent doctors and treatments. Depending on your bf's status with this disease he may or may not have to start treatment. That would require the added burden of taking meds everyday without fail. And, now he's going to have to go to the doctor regularly.

You obviously love this person you're with. Continue loving him! I wish everyone had someone by their side through this. It can actually be more emotional than anything else now days. How does your bf feel? Have the two of you cried about it together? Have you told him you're planning on sticking with him through it all? As bad as you feel he must be feeling worse. Seek couple's counseling if it's offered in your area. With a counselor, a religious person (they're not ALL closed minded!), or someone else living in your area who is also a serodiscordant couple.

Get yourself tested regularly. You don't WANT to have HIV, but if you do you want to know as soon as possible and start seeing the doctor. And, have I mentioned - USE A CONDOM! Life goes on. This isn't an end. It's a beginning into a new chapter for the two of you. As everyday should be.

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Reged: 12/02/10
Posts: 69
Loc: South
Re: Hi, feel so devastated, can somebody help me please... new
      #271588 - 04/08/13 09:39 PM

Sorry to hear about your boyfriends diagnosis. HIV diagnosis is not the end of the world nor does it have to be the end of your relationship. First thing you need to do is get yourself tested so you know your status and continue to test regularly if you do test negative. HIV is simply a virus and there are meds that can control and manage the virus if taken as prescribed. The only difference that HIV will make in your lives is that you will have to have safe sex from now on and you will both have to take care of yourselves and each other in order for you to have a healthy, happy and long life together. There is so much information on this website that will help both of you through the adjustment period that we all go through when we are diagnosed. Allow yourselves to go through all of the emotions and communicate with each other. Definitely get connected with a good HIV specialist and eventually things will get back to normal and you will just continue to live a happy long life. There are many of us here who will always be willing to help you through the rough beginning and be there to celebrate the achievement of reaching and maintaining an undetectable level. Keep your spirits up and reach out whenever you need to. Peace and blessings to both of you.

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Reged: 04/22/13
Posts: 1
Re: Hi, feel so devastated, can somebody help me please... new
      #271772 - 04/22/13 07:28 PM

I truly understand what and how you are feeling. My B/F of 5yrs just tested POS. Last Oct. The worst feeling in the world. I felt the same way you are feeling and I still do. Am negative thank god. But from here on me and him have decided to take it day by day. And pray. I feel without god I would have not made it. I sound just like you. We both are young and that was me and his plan to get married and be happy together. But in life we have struggles and we have to move forward. By visiting this web site this has given me the most positive motivation that I needed. Once I found out he was positive I did not want to live anymore. He was my first for everything. but that being said we both are in pain and no one can relate to our situation but us. I would like to talk to you private so that maybe we can talk it out. god bless and stay strong you are not alone. trust me we are not alone.

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