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Reged: 12/26/12
Posts: 1
Husband has HIV just found out
      #269848 - 12/26/12 05:10 AM

My husband came home 2 weeks ago and told me that he was hiv+. We have been married for 26 years and to my knowldge at that time he had been faithful. Much to my surprise he had been visiting adult bookstores for extra marital engaging, I am so confused and depressed, where do we go from here. I was tested and came back negative thank GOD. We have begun therapy individually and eventually together. I buried myself in the holidays but now I have time to think. We also have 3 children 21, 19, and 13. They do not know anything yet. Help

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Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1895
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Husband has HIV just found out new
      #269904 - 12/29/12 06:09 PM

Hey DJ I can only imagine how devastated you must be feeling . Yes thank God that your testing has come back neg. How long have you been testing for? And I know that knowing that your not the only woman this has happened to doesn't make you feel any better. No doubt your fighting with trust issues . I'm glad to hear that your both having counseling separate and together. And it's not going to be easy to work through all of the feelings that your going to experience, that goes for both of you. You both have alot of years together under your belts. And the choice will be up to you as to how you want to handle this. I have no doubt that your hubby feels like a slimy dog but again your not infected at this time which can make this all easier. There is another woman in this site going through the same thing as you but shes only been married for I think 6 years or so . Do get in contact with her. Be a support for each other . It does help to know someone that knows exactly what your going through. I will pm you with her user name here . And if ever you want a female friend to talk to I too am available. Hang in there dear. Remember love is powerful and can overcome many things .

Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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Reged: 10/01/10
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Re: Husband has HIV just found out new
      #270515 - 02/05/13 03:56 PM

Can I give you my perspective from the husbands side? We have been married 39 years. I became infected with 34 years of marriage. I was bisexual and kept the secret from my wife until I had to tell her. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do. We too have three (adult) children. When we got married in 1973, I hoped that would "cure" me. I managed to stay faithful for many years, but eventually gave into my urges.

Long story short, we went to counseling and the counselor told my wife that I would not/could not change my sexuality. She had two choices, leave me or accept me for what I am. After much soul searching, she decided that she still loved me and that we had too much history to throw it away. She did give me several rules that I have to abide by. She didn't give me her "permission" to stray, but simply acknowledged that she couldn't change me. We are still in love and best friends.

There is no need to tell the children, I haven't. The counselor did recommend a book, which I think helped my wife cope; After the Affair.

BTW, she no longer blindly trusts me, but with her rules in place, we have managed to continue. I am on meds and UD and we practice safer sex.

If you have questions, ask; I will give you honest answers.

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