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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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Reged: 01/18/12
Posts: 1
Sharing my story and my feelings.
      #260355 - 01/18/12 11:02 PM

I'm starting a relationship with a positive guy, with whom i'm desperately in love.
We've been together 5 years ago, but since we were so young (20 at the time), we didn't want to be in a serious relationship. At that time, we used to have unprotected sex, because even though we didn't want to commit, we were faithful to eachother.
After we split, he started dating this girl, who I never liked and spent 2 years with her. She knew she was positive and didn't tell him. He got infected. Here in my country it is considered a crime to infect knowingly someone that is not aware of the risks, Anyway. He almost died, at the age of 23, of a really bad pneumonia. Since then, he started his treatment and has been undetected for more than 6 months.
We started seing each other again 3 months ago, and I noticed that he was really afraid of being intimate and afraid of a possible relationship. One month ago, when I told him that I could see that he needed some time to get used to the idea of getting envolved, he sat down with me and between tears, told me he was positive. My first reaction, and i still think this way, was that it was completely ok, that I was madly in love with him and that HIV was not important and didn't make him who he is. He is the most handsome, intelligent, funniest guy I've ever met (and the best in bed also).
I do love him and do picture us married like any girly girl like me. But I'm feeling a bit overwelmed of handling this on my own, because i don't want to invade his privacy and tell any of my friends. He goes to therapy and already invited me to come to his infectologist with him, so I can ask him things. I really wanted somene to talk to, because I don't know who to speak to. Even though we try to talk about it, he's still very angry and sad about contracting HIV and always gets bummed after.
I want him to be the happiest man on earth, as I feel that I'm the happiest woman when I'm with him. How can I help him accept that it is ok and that I love him even better now that he's grown up so much because of HIV?

Thank you so much for having this website, where I'll be able to connect with other people that might feel the same as I.

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Reged: 02/02/11
Posts: 464
Loc: Thailand
Re: Sharing my story and my feelings. new
      #260361 - 01/19/12 03:03 AM


It was great hearing your story - your boyfriend is very lucky to have such wonderful support. Congratulations on finding each other again, I hope it works out well for you both.

I wanted to reply to tell you that I think you two are off to a great start. It's great that he told you his status and that you were able to accept him for who he is. Together, it sounds like the two of you will have amazing strength and a bright future.

Another positive thing about your story is that he is taking responsibility for his situation. He is on medication and meeting with his doctors and going to therapy - it shows his commitment to his health and well being, which is excellent. What I am really happy to hear is that you are even going with him - that is phenomenal! It shows that he is very close to you and really trusts you.

Other positive things you mentioned is his viral load. Because he is on effective treatment, and hopefully you are practicing safe sex, he is helping to protect you against infection. There are recent studies that show that safe sex plus effective HAART/ARV treatment for the positive member of a "polar" or "magnetic" couple virtually eliminates the chances of transmission. You both can feel very good about that.

When I read your story, I think you guys are doing great. I see that talking about it directly is still a little hard for him, but that will change with time - he is still adjusting to his status. The important thing is that he is including you and that he is addressing his situation head on. Give him some time, after he has more time to see that he can stay healthy and that he has a great future ahead of him, it will get easier for him to discuss it with you directly. Just be there for him, as you have, and he will feel reassured. It does take time to heal.

It's great that you respect his privacy and do not disclose for him. This is a safe place for you to meet and talk with other people. Also, when you go with him to his appointments, you may see if they can guide you to a friends/loved ones with HIV support group. There may be resources in your area that can help you, and his doctor or therapist should be able to help steer you to them.

Overall, I say congratulations to you both and feel that you will do very well. I know it's different than when you were together before, but you will see that there is a lot of meaning and benefit that can come from unpleasant things. Use this to grow and be the wind in your sails to keep your relationship strong, positive and honest and to help each other achieve your dreams. It looks like you have an excellent start!

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Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1895
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Sharing my story and my feelings. new
      #260395 - 01/19/12 07:37 PM

You both sound like you've mature alot since the last time you both were together. Thats important because you both need to see the reality of your lives together. It's not as difficult as you may think. Just make informed decisions. This is hard for you BF. And because he cares for you he doesn't want to see any harm. Re-assurance is needed all around. As to you friends and family , it's really none of their business. My best friend was with her pos man for 7 years. She never told her family , not even after he died, he had trouble with medication . Don't think thatis the case with your BF. My friends immune system was compremised by many things.But their relationship was very strong. Both of you just need to take your time together , after all you have a lifetime ahead of you both .

Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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