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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 2
I'm Hiv- and very confused!!!
      #254748 - 03/10/11 10:19 PM

Hi I'm dating a hiv +. I am trying to understand what he goes thru everyday and what his world is like. But I can't I know this. We have dated over 8 months now and I am ready to move forward with our relationship! Yes I know what the risk are and what protection we must use and I am ok with that.. my problem is him. He wont even give me the chance to even try with him. He says he is not in to sex anymore. How can a man not be into sex?? No I don't want to have it all the time but would love to me intament with him. Some times I think he needs to talk to other people about his problems and his worries. Sometimes I wish I could take all his pain away from him. Its hard to talk about it because noone knows about his health. None of my friends or family. I'm not afraid I love this man for who he is and what he is about. I'm just confused. How do I talk to him about things? How do I express my feelings with out hurting him? One day I hope to marry this man. I have read almost everything I can about hiv and am trying to learn more.. maybe if I talk to someone with hiv on here it will help answer all my questions?? so please someone talk and try to help me thank you so very much

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Reged: 11/18/10
Posts: 2
Loc: East/Se Texas
Re: I'm Hiv- and very confused!!! new
      #254820 - 03/15/11 06:53 PM

Hi, it sounds to me that he need to find a support group bcause it helps been around ppl who are poz and him being able to ask questions that basically only a poz ppl would know(like any type of changes with feelings, body, being ill from certain things, coping with life now and who to trust, tell or not tell his secret bcause ppl are stll naive to HIV & AIDS. Ive learnd that this disease is VERY complicated and it is a lifestyle change bcause were not the person that we use to be and we can't do all of the things that we use to(that would depend on how much damage the disease has done b4 treatment) and from that i've had bad mood swings i guess bcause i was around ppl who i felt didnt really know or understand me. But look online or speak with a HIV prevention specialist or counselor and ask them about support groups in your area or maybe even start one bcause they really do help. I wish yall luck and take care.

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Reged: 01/26/11
Posts: 51
Loc: New Jersey, USA
Re: I'm Hiv- and very confused!!! new
      #254821 - 03/15/11 07:00 PM

Not an expert but keep on loving him and being there for him....When I was diagnosed in July 2010 I totally checked out on my ex-wife and three kids.....I was so sick that I just couldn't face them. When I started to feel better I came right back into their lives and they have been a great support for me. We never really talked about my hiv status and only recently did my daughters ask me about it....They gave me the space I needed to get my head around being poz and I have dealt with it well. I wouldn't push him to talk to you or anyone else and I think when he is ready he will seek out support.......My prayers are with you and him and I hope everything works out for you......

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Reged: 07/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Alabama
Re: I'm Hiv- and very confused!!! new
      #254825 - 03/16/11 11:11 AM

Honey a non poz man can never actually know what a poz man has on his mind that much I will say right off the bat !
Dealing with the issue of simply having the disease is rather devistating to the person that has it I know that I myself went thru 2 years of denial that I even had the disease after I was diagnosed in 1989 then I decided it was time I took the " moral high road " and learn every thing I could about this so called disease coursing it's way thru my person ( and here it is over 10 years later and I am still learning the fact's of this thing I carry in my blood !).
Now whereas my should be husband was there when it was told ( holding my hand with my mother at the foot of the hospital bed ) when I got the news i was poz and then once again when I got the disgnois I had gone over to a full status of AIDS he has yet to faulter in his worrying about if I take my meds on time to this day therefore I bet as soon as your husband ot be figure's out that you simply want to help him he will come around and talk your ear off about things that seem oh so mundane in life but he will I am sure want U to know how he feel's about sex just as mine did ( yet even after nearly 25 years as a couple we still engage occasionaly in protcted sexual activities !!!)

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Reged: 02/19/11
Posts: 2
Re: I'm Hiv- and very confused!!! new
      #254885 - 03/20/11 08:08 PM

Just to reiterate what others are saying- tell him you're there for him, and that when he's ready for intimacy again you can both take it easy. A support group for him is a great idea- ask your local aids agency- for you too- seek out a compassionate therapist who could make a referral to a group. Maybe you'll even find a poz group for the two of you- on that includes "magnetic couples"- poz and neg. Good luck and hang in there.

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