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Reged: 02/27/10
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Serodiscordant sex....?
      #249572 - 02/27/10 01:05 AM

Hey everyone... I am new here, not to the body, but to the boards. I have a question for everyone who is willing to share.

My boyfriend, is HIV + I am HIV-. When I met him he told me and since meeting him we have enjoyed a wonderful, fruitful and loving relationship. Frankly I could not have been luckier to snag him .

My question is about sex.

In the beginning of our relationship the sex was fantastic and fulfilling.. and well... frequent. Now, well. Not so much. He has been suffering from ED almost every time we go to fool around. I know its frustrating for me and he expresses a great deal of frustration with it as well, which is part of why I believe he has withdrawn a bit from me sexually.

He told me that ever since his diagnoses he has dealt with ED. I do not believe it to be physical in its etiology (origin) that man is healthy as a horse! I do believe it is psychological.

So I guess what I want to know is, has anyone experienced this? What can I do to help him? I am already supportive and completely non judgmental about it. And he knows full well that our sex life does not change the fact that I love him with all my heart.

We have discussed trying horny goat weed to help increase his sex drive and I know there will be zero interactions with his meds (I am a nurse). But beyond that, I am really at a loss for what to do. I love him and want to help him and he is extremely frustrated with the situation.

Any help is extremely appreciated! Thank you!

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Reged: 03/02/10
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Re: Serodiscordant sex....? new
      #249592 - 03/02/10 02:12 AM

"He told me that ever since his diagnoses he has dealt with ED. I do not believe it to be physical in its etiology (origin) that man is healthy as a horse! I do believe it is psychological."

One can have ED and be healthy as a horse and one can have ED without it's being psychological and one can have ED and have it be very much connected to HIV. Perhaps it would be constructive to learn about ED and what the medical treatments are. He might consider seeing a urologist. I did and found out that I have a leaky valve in my penis - a simple cock ring has proved to be very helpful as well as occasionally Viagra, Cialis, etc.

But increasing his sex drive is a completely different matter - if his testosterone level is low, it might be time to start replacement therapy. I've been through that too and my Androgel not only restored my sex drive, it helped a lot with my chronic fatigue. Supposedly true aphrodisiacs don't exist so the horny goat weed might be a bust.

You didn't mention why you think it might be psychologically based. One thing's for sure, please be cool and don't make a big deal about this - it might only increase any pressure he's feeling to "perform" which only results in more ED. This is a somewhat complex situation and there are no clear solutions, different approaches work for different people. But a physician should evaluate him first and then plan an appropriate treatment plan which may include a referral for therapy. I know it's tempting to play armchair therapist but getting professional help is the way to go.

I know firsthand about ED and also having a low testosterone level and in my case it was very much related to HIV. Therapy wasn't helpful as in my case it was physically based but it was worth exploring all possible explanations. My partner and I have a much better sex life with a cock ring and occasionally Cialis.

Hang in there!

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Reged: 03/11/09
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Loc: Brandon, FL
Re: Serodiscordant sex....? new
      #249599 - 03/02/10 05:33 PM

Hello, Well i have to say i have had the same problem. After finding out that i was POZ. I was not interested in sex at all. It has been over a year and i still have problems with ED. i did realize that it comes from me thinking too much about all kinds of things. I have worried about infecting the other person. i have to say my friend told me to try Cialis so i ordered it from a web site in India. i also got some Viagra for free. Well i have to say with Cialis if i get turned on i get rock hard it is great. last friday i tried the viagra and OMG i was at a club and a guy kissed my i got a hard as a rock and it would not go away. i was walking from bar to bar and i could not hide it.

what i have been doing is buying the Cialis 20mg and cutting them in half. they work really nice. If you want to stay hard for long time try Viagra.

try asking him if he ever thinks about what would happen if you get infected? if he has thought about it then he worries about it and i think he may want to talk to someone. so he can move past it.

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Reged: 03/05/10
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Re: Serodiscordant sex....? new
      #249654 - 03/05/10 11:37 PM

I'm in the same boat...My husband was just dx about 6 months ago and his sex drive has progressivly dropped. You should talk to his ID and see what he may suggest. We just saw his yesterday and i brought it up. He said that HIV itself can cause a decreased sex drive as can the antiretroviral meds. His dr is going to start by testing his testosterone levels because apparently the virus/meds can cause a mans tes levels to drop. So, it's not an uncommon problem. I'll post again once we get him figured out...maybe we'll have some more suggestions. But he should definatly start by talking to his dr about it.

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