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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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proxywife
Newbie

Reged: 02/16/09
Posts: 1
Loc: austin, texas
I need some help understanding!
      #244593 - 02/16/09 09:43 AM

I received a call from my ex-husband/best friend saturday that he is HIV positive. He has been positive for about six months and has been afraid to tell me. I have been crying non-stop, we have three beautiful children 18, 17 and 15, the 17 year old knows, but the other two do not. Now that I have given some background here is my questions...my ex is living a lifestyle that I feel is horrible for this illness, he told me that has lost over 50 lbs already, has a skin rash and mouth thrush, he also said that he is having an unrelated heart condition. When he called me it was from a bar, he was drunk and crying because he was "hit on" by a cute guy and the guy offered to take him home and my ex was upset that he could no longer have ramdon encounters. everything i have read so far talks about life expectancy and health concerns for people who are proactive in taking care of themselves, he told me that his levels are in a good range and that he is going to a doctor, and that he does not need medications. but what factors is his bar hopping and late night life habits going to contribute to his health? I really want someone to help me understand so that I can be a support for him and my children.

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: I need some help understanding! new
      #244595 - 02/16/09 11:20 AM

Sorry to read about your dilemma.

This is going to have to be very generalised, because there is no indication of what country you are in.

Let's be honest here: his lifestyle certainly isn't going to be helping. That said, how much damage it is doing isn't really quantifiable either.

In many ways, the worst aspect of HIV today is what the knowledge of the fact that you are HIV can do to your mind, attitude to life and self-respect. Going off the rails for a while after a diagnosis isn't at all unusual; but, if six months after diagnosis he still off the rails, it sounds like he needs the help of some sort of counsellor who is experienced in HIV. A local ASO (AIDS Service Organization) can probably help locate one .. although it may be worth while holding fire for a few weeks, because the fact that he is now talking to you as a loved one could be a sign that he is starting to come to terms with his status and is getting his head around things.

Of more immediate concern is the fact that you mention that he has an independent heart problem. Not only is his lifestyle clearly not doing much for that; but, over time, HIV in itself is known to be as big a risk factor to heart disease as smoking, diabetes, a sedentary lifestyle or an unhealthy diet - so I would be worried that he is stacking avoidable risk factors up where he could really do without them.

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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Hans
Newbie

Reged: 02/18/09
Posts: 2
Re: I need some help understanding! new
      #244671 - 02/18/09 11:57 PM

Did you signature say (there is probably no God) that damaged the whole of your nice advices, sorry... there is a God and he cares for you... Jesus loves you... he died for you, pls believe in God.

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: I need some help understanding! new
      #244674 - 02/19/09 02:38 AM

One contractor lives! :yawn:

Dude, if you don't want to believe what I have to say about living with HIV, or feel that it is somehow devalued - simply because I don't believe in a bunch of improbable myths that seem to be the root cause of most of the pain, evil and prejudice I see in the world - then that is entirely up to you and no skin off my nose.

I do however note that more people have died an untimely death in the name of your God of love than have died of AIDS - or indeed anything else .. and that science has produced far more 'miracles' than your God of love ever has.

Not a single day passes when, in order to maintain a vestige of credibility to its followers, organised religion doesn't have to make some sort of concession to science. When has science ever had to make a single concession to religion (when such a concession didn't involve an implement of torture or mass destruction)?.

Perhaps you think I should thank your God of love for HIV. Perhaps that is why I see so many people who are torn apart by the belief that they are HIV-positive because your God of love is punishing them. Well, if that is true and Jesus died for me, then I am going one better and dying for your God of love - and then we will be all square.

In the meantime - rather than resort to living in fear of the omnipresent (yet strangely deaf, dumb and blind) supernatural, and submitting to alleged divine authority derived from not very interesting works of fiction - I will believe in chance, evolution and natural selection, and live my life according to principles that affirm the dignity and worth of ALL people. Which way of life do you really think is the more loving, fulfilling and compassionate .. and is that why I am happy and content, whilst you aren't?

Now, lovely as this little tęte ŕ tęte is, I am sure that even you (and your God of love) will be forced to accept that none of this has anything at all to do with the matter in hand and does nothing to help proxy understand what her ex is going through; so, if you really feel the need to discuss this further, kindly start a new discussion and we can do battle there.

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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sick_of_fuckwits
Master

Reged: 01/26/09
Posts: 145
Re: I need some help understanding! new
      #244684 - 02/19/09 08:22 AM

proxywife,

I notice that you have now added a location to your profile.

Service Organizations in Austin

--------------------
There's probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.

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dfwjeep
Newbie

Reged: 04/19/07
Posts: 8
Loc: Dallas, Tx
Re: I need some help understanding! new
      #244687 - 02/19/09 09:56 AM

Hey Proxy,
My story is SO close to yours. Of course I don't know your age, but you or your ex are certainly welcome to contact me anytime. I am in my 60's and was diagnosed 9 years ago. My ex (best friends as well) divorced 13 years ago. You don't need to cry, your ex should be fine if he just sticks with his meds...I have been undetectable for 99% of the last 9 years. You being his friend and understanding what he is going through is the best medicine in the world, and of course his kids. Mine were 22, 24, and 28 at the time.

When I told my ex and my youngest son, my son just cried and cried. I told him not to worry, I said "you never know, I could outlive you". Little did I know that statement would hurt me more than my HIV ever has. He was murdered 6 months later. My only consolation is that I knew he loved me and he knew I loved him.

Kids have a way of understanding and accepting things. Just have a talk with them with you and your ex and get things out in the open. As I said...you and/or your ex are welcome to email me anytime you want, I'm not a professional counsler or anything, but a very understanding person and would gladly communicate with either or both of you any time. Especially your ex....I would like him to know he has plenty of future, and of course you need not to worry so much about him. Oh..and my ex was diagnosed with cancer last year....you just never know.

+ in Garland
dfwjeep2001@yahoo.com

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sbev1981
Member

Reged: 03/20/09
Posts: 24
Re: I need some help understanding! new
      #245072 - 03/22/09 12:14 PM

Well here is the deal, if he continues the bar hoping, having sex with random people life style he will not be benefiting himself at all. What we all need to understand is that HIV / AIDS is controlible especially with positive attitute and the right meds. IT IS NOT A DEATH SENTENCE!! If he continues to do things that surpresses his immune system he is looking for BAD! Be there for him as a friend and show him that he will be ok....

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