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Family and Friends >> My Loved One Has HIV/AIDS

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      #1111 - 03/31/00 05:19 AM

Hi my name is Scott. I would like to know where to go
through for support and learning more about how to live with a partner that has tested positive. I am not afraid of the disease itself. I am more afraid of the emotional aspects of it. I have been in this relationship for 13 years. Thankfully we have not been active together for a long time. I thought he was being faithful, well needless to say he wasn't and of course the rest is obvious. I am angrier more for the unfaithful part. I am sorrowed by what is now possibly going to be a long process. I guess I just want to know where can I go to talk to people that can help me live with someone with HIV. I know the how to get it. What I am looking for is
some one to talk to. Anyway my email address is
I would appreciate anyone in a similar circumstance writing me.

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It's important to stay strong new
      #1112 - 03/31/00 05:20 AM

Hello. My partner was diagnosed with HIV a year ago. I can relate to some aspects of your situation, but not all. My partner acquired this virus before our relationship, and we always used protection, so I was at little risk. We had a very difficult time while I was waiting for the results of my test, but I have not contracted the virus so far.

When my partner arrived in Canada several years ago, because of all the HIV/AIDS awareness (e.g., advertising, pamphlets, documentaries, etc.) here, he became conscious that he had had unprotected sex in high risk areas in the past. He began to use condoms all the time, but was afraid to get tested for AIDS. When we first met I encouraged him to get tested and he finally did. But, as I said before, your situation is different: my partner did not cheat on me. I am so sorry that you have to deal with two major issues: infidelity AND this virus.

It's strange, but even in spite of the fact that he did not cheat on me, I still feel betrayed. We have lost some things...hopes of having children, hopes of more intimacy (i.e., unprotected sex), hopes of perhaps having a long life together. I feel cheated. I feel that someone else in the past took something away from him - from both of us. It's very complicated.

On a daily basis, however, things go fairly smoothly. We deal with the regular "relationship issues" of any couple, but sometimes these get exaggerated because of HIV. And, we each have our own issues: he thinks about death, and he loses confidence about his goals in life; and I think about my position of eventual caregiver and I am scared of being alone.

These things are difficult, but not as difficult as dealing with infidelity - at least in my mind. I guess infidelity is a big issue for me, and I applaud you for being willing to try to deal with it. I don't know if I could. Often I believe that infidelity is a sign of other problems in a relationship or a representation of deeper issues for an individual. I guess the best advice I could give would be to encourage you to seek a really, really excellent counsellor. I hope your partner will agree.

Please be strong, and always remember to see the value in yourself and to make sure you believe that you deserve the best in life.



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