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Living with someone with HIV
      #1103 - 03/31/00 04:57 AM

RE: Living with someone with HIV. Hi, My partner is HIV pos+ and
I'm neg-. We've been living together for 7 years and always
practice safe sex. We both got tested 3 years ago and that's when
he found out he was pos+. It's been a roller coaster ride ever
since. His emotions are like the ocean tide going up and down,
sometimes calm and sometimes fierce. I would like to help him but
there are times when I feel he's being unreasonable. He's talking
about selling our home and buying an R.V. and traveling the
country. He wants to be a gypsy. I've got a job that I don't want
to leave and a home that i love. He says sometimes we got to get
out of our comfort zone and get out there and enjoy life. He also
says I worry about things to, job, and
home. I want him to be happy but I do worry about money. Where is
going to come from. How will we survive? We sort of reached a
compromise. We'll move from here and buy a home but we haven't
decided on a state yet but he wants to move soon. He already got
the house on the market. I have been trying to find information
on which states would be the best place for him. He get's
benefits and that's what he survives on. I'm afraid he might lose
them if we move. We can't afford to have his benefits stopped.
It's scarry. We thought about moving to California because he
started smoking pot. He lost so much weight and his appetite got
really bad there for awhile. A friend of his had him try pot and
after about a week he gainned 3 pounds so now he doesn't want to
give it up. His doctor tried to get him to take a pill substitute
but he didn't have the same effect as the pot did. I'm lost right
now. I feel like he's out of control and not dealing with
reality. I want him to enjoy life and be with him for the rest of
our lives. Is there anywhere I can get info on how to handle
situations like this. I just wish he would understand my point of
veiw. Thanks for listening.

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Sounds like you have a lot to deal with new
      #1104 - 03/31/00 05:01 AM

HI AJ! Wow. Sounds like you have a ton of stuff to deal with.
Your husband is lucky to have you (I wish I had someone so
caring!). It's a good idea if you are going to change states that
you pick a good HIV state--there are good ones and bad ones and
transfering all his benefits may take time--call the Centers for
Disease Control--they are open every day 24 hours a day and maybe
can tell you which is a good state-1-800-342-2437 and maybe they
can give YOU some support. It's hard to drop everything and
change your life. You don't say if you have children. ANyway it
is true that pot really really helps--and many states have some
sort of medical marijuana policy and many have HIV marijuana
clubs (I know NY and calif and bostona and philadelphia have such
clubs...) Write me and let me know what happens! Karen

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Thanks Karen new
      #1105 - 03/31/00 05:02 AM

Thanks Karen,

I really appreciate your help. I will call that number you gave
me. I hate being uncertain and would prefer checking out all
possible avenues before I come to a decision. I'm glad for your
help and understanding.

Thank's again,

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I read this and my heart went out to you new
      #1106 - 03/31/00 05:06 AM

I read this and my heart went out to you. My husband and I have been together for almost 4 years. I knew he was HIV positive long before we dated (we are friends). After he found out he was positive, he went through an irresponsible, almost self destructive phase that lasted about 6 months. I didn't know how to help him, so I let him do his thing, and I did that I mean, I didn't lecture him or try to convince him of anything. I stood by him, supported him, we had fun, and I was there to talk about it if he wanted to. Without asking him, I started doing research on treatment.....again, with each new thing I learned, instead of lecturing, I would wait until he brought his status and then I would ask questions, like, has your doctor talked to you about X treatment, or Y treatment. What we both realized was that he was not getting good advice from his doctor or social worker. They basically gave him no hope, thus, his self destructive phase, he didn't think he had anything to live for. It took me a couple of months of feeding him info I learned, but then he started doing his own research. And then, we fell in love (that's another story). He was afraid to fall in love. I used Julia Roberts line from Steel Magnolias when I told him how I felt...."I would rather have ten minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of...." Things changed dramatically after that. We moved to NY because that's where we felt the best treatment was available....I still think we're right on that one. We both started living a healthier lifestyle. We started eating better (that's fun in a town like NY), we started walking we were getting exercise, we started taking a vacation (even if it was just 3 or 4 days) every 3 months which reduced our stress, etc., etc., etc. My husband has an undetectable viral load and his t cells are in good shape. He's on a cocktail and we've learned how to manage the side effects. We now working on adopting a baby. We're doing the things we always wanted, we're living our life. My point to you is that sometimes a partner can make what seems like or maybe is irresponsible decisions and I learned that it was from a feeling of hopelessness, lack of education about treatment options and proper treatment, and a feeling that HIV was in control (the dye was cast on the outcome.) Maybe your partner is feeling hopeless and out of control. If that's the case, roaming around in an RV and risking losing health benefits and financial security are not going to help.....sounds like a new problem emerging. For grins, I'd rent an RV and take a vacation in guess is, that will nip the RV idea in the bud pretty quick. I'd also try to find a counselor with a hopeful outlook to talk to him. I didn't mean to ramble so, I was just very moved by your story. I hope things work out for both of you.

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my husband found out through a routine exam new
      #1107 - 03/31/00 05:07 AM

JB, my husband found out he was hiv+ through a routine medical examination for a visa last may. we've been together for twelve years, married for three. he handles the medications with minimal side-effects and good results (so far), is on the il2 trial, and lives a reasonably healthy lifestyle (good diet, exercise, etc.). we are undergoing fertility treatment to have a baby (as we'd planned before his diagnosis). but i'm scared. he isn't able to cope with the science behind the disease -- doesn't want to watch programmes, read books/articles, etc. I would have at first, but now I'm afraid of what I'll find. Also, we've told no one, and all we speak to are medical personnel. you seem so sensibly optimistic; do you have any advice for me? jcc

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Stay hopeful new
      #1108 - 03/31/00 05:09 AM

Hi! I just wanted to let you know you could let go of your fears about what you may read or watch. I found out that I had full blown AIDS Dec of 96. I am only 24, when I found out I gave God all my worries and fears, because I know by myself I can not deal with HIV, but with God anything is possible. I started taking meds right away Combivir and Virammune and I no longer have AIDS, and my viral load in undetectable. If you have faith in God everything will work out fine. Good luck with having a baby I hope one day that I get to have one. Do not worry about what can happen with HIV, have faith that your husband is not going to get sick. Good luck.... Both of you enjoy life because it can be short.

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Re: Stay hopeful new
      #201870 - 07/29/06 03:48 AM

I just tested last week and I don't know what the future holds for me once I learn of the results, but what I do know is that God will always be there for me no matter what. I gave my life to the Lord two years ago when I faced going to jail for a crime I did not commit. Since then He has been in my life daily and helping me get through. I know religion may not be everyone's cup of tea, but it helps me and countless others get through life. With that said, I'll elaborate on Anonymous' post because while your beliefs may not be the same as mine, the Living Word in the Bible are still beautiful words that bring hope and peace.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden light."
Matthew 11:28-30

And my absolute favorite scripture:

"For I know the plans I have for, " declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you, "declares the LORD, "and will bring you back from captivity."
Jeremiah 29:11-14

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