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I can't bear losing my partner
      #1089 - 03/31/00 04:33 AM

My partner (10yrs September) tested positive this past week. My
test results aren't back yet. My sadness is incredible right now.
I'm scared. He and I run a business together with several
employees. Everything in my life is with him. He is away on
business this week so I slept alone for last night for the 1st
time knowing he and maybe I have HIV. I'm so sad. I want to take
control, but don't know how. I have volunteered for AIDS for over
10 years, yet now I am lost as to my life. I can't bear losing

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I know how you feel new
      #1090 - 03/31/00 04:33 AM

Dear Lewis, I think we all know how you feel. One of the really
helpful things about this site is that we are all able to share
at least some of the same problems. I know it is very difficult
to hear that the one we love and share our lives most intimately
with has this or any other disease. However, I can truly say that
after a little over a year of meds my partner is doing much, much
better. We have plenty of hope for the future. It's not like a
few years ago when they could only throw a few pills at you and
send you home to die. There are some really good therapies that
make all the difference. When we found out my husband was + he
was really sick and had a cell count of 40. They told us he would
have died within a few months if the correct diagnosis had not
finally been reached and the right meds given. Now his count is
240 and with an undetectable viral load. But, that's not to say
there won't be problems along the way. Adapting to meds and
emotional ups and downs can wreak havoc on relationships. We all
just have to keep going and believing there will be a total cure
soon. I know it sounds corny but, if I've learned one thing it's
to take each good day and enjoy it for all it's worth and on the
bad days I just have to tell myself, this too will pass and
tommorrow really is another day. I hope this helps you at all and
that you'll write again. We need each other I think. And good
luck with everything.

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Thanks for the wonderful message new
      #1091 - 03/31/00 04:34 AM

Susanne - Thank you for your wonderful message. It really means a
lot that you spent some time writing to me. My partner just got
home from a business trip and has a fever of 102. He hasn't
started any meds yet, as the doctor's appt for the first time
since diagnosis is this coming friday (11th). I'm pretty nervous
that he isn't feeling well, and worry that this is all part of
the disease and happening so quickly. How do I know if he is
already advanced with this? So many confusing thoughts and
questions!!!! -Lewis

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Re: Thanks for the wonderful message new
      #1092 - 03/31/00 04:34 AM

Dear Lewis, I'm not a doctor and even if I was couldn't tell you
what's wrong with your partner. But, I can tell you that when we
found out my husband was sick he had been running a fever daily
for about a month. And as I wrote before that was over a year ago
and he is doing so much better it's like night and day. I know
it's real scary when someone you love is sick but, both of you
hang in there and keep us posted. My prayers are with you both.

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Re: I know how you feel new
      #132239 - 12/26/04 07:22 AM

I was so grateful to read your message as well. My husband was diagnosed with AIDS two months ago. He first thought he had the flu and then he was diagnosed with esoghagul[spelling]? thrush and put on Diflucan. Then we were told that chances are he's been HIV+ for around ten years because asymtomatic hiv takes about that long before symptoms start. We are waiting for the viral load count and the Tcell count. I am negative, happily, the specialist put him on Combivir, Zithromaz, bactrim{SMZ/TMC} Sustava------a week ago and already I am seeing a heathy difference. He was awake all day, we made love, enjoyed watching the children open presents. I love my husband very much and want to keep him around for many more years. I am hoping he will gain weight back, because he lost 25 pounds in a month. It was very scary and I thought he would die shortly. I am so grateful for the new meds. I have heard some very wonderful stories about PWA persons living 18 years, 21 years, etc... your story gives me hope. Thank you so much and God bless.

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