Advertisement
The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol

HIV Life >> Living With HIV

Pages: 1
tippytu
Newbie

Reged: 05/16/13
Posts: 19
just extremely mad right now
      #272754 - 06/26/13 09:08 PM

I am going thru so many emotions since being diagnosed...but right now I'm just stuck on being pissed!! I know life isn't fair but I've never even had a std for Christ's sake!! I just want to feel happy again.. be the way I was before being diagnosed.... honestly wish I had never gotten tested... at least I wouldn't be stressing out so much!! Sorry j just need to vent & have no one to vent to...I'm so sick of crying & being mad...just want to be normal again!!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 428
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272757 - 06/26/13 09:28 PM

You go right ahead and vent, we all need to do that from time to time and when we are alone in the world, this is a great place to let loose.
I won't sugar coat things for you, or tell you it will all be okay ... hell no, HIV comes into our lives, changes things, screws some things up, but also fixes a few things too.
My only shred of advice is for you to know that you are still the same person you were before HIV, don't let it live your life for you ... what you knew as normal before might need some tweeking now, but just know your normal is there and once all this nasty HIV dust settles, you will be you once again! Things might have to change, work, schedules ... but you the person won't.
Just know it is okay to be mad, okay to cry your eyes out, okay to go outside and yell at the world, let the steam out and bring things back to a calm, and be you!


--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
tippytu
Newbie

Reged: 05/16/13
Posts: 19
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272758 - 06/26/13 10:37 PM

I just hope I can hang on till I make it back to normal... do you mind me asking how long you've been positive? Is it true that most people dont get sick at all for at least ten years after infection? I'm just so confused with all the illnesses related to HIV. ...my Dr says I will be fine & live to be an old lady but right now all I can imagine is being horribly sick all the time & dying before I see my kids grow up! Also really pissed that I got infected by my husband. No he didn't know he was positive but ughhhhh why couldn't be have used protection!!! I'm mad because I feel our sex life will never be the same either!! I'm mad because I've lived right gone to work live & provided for my kids...& I see so many crack heads around here who abandoned their kids...I know no one deserves this but still!!!!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Cristian
Member

Reged: 06/03/13
Posts: 48
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272760 - 06/27/13 12:02 AM

You will be fine. Days will pass, and somehow you will be able to place the event in a niche, where it will stay, but out of the way. Be strong...we are all here struggling to, but you'll see you will find yourself enjoying things again, and sometimes even with more appreciation than before. Just hang in there, my friend.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
philfromoz
Newbie

Reged: 01/17/13
Posts: 12
Loc: Australia
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272764 - 06/27/13 04:58 AM

I believe getting tested was a huge mistake for me. It ruined my life and 10 years on I'm not coping with it. I was OK for a few years and I forgot about it, didn't have any checkups and never told my GP. I found the GPs to be rather useless, one practice told me to find another doctor as they didn't treat 'my type'. I live in a regional area with poor access to health services and now that I have gotten sick it's a bitch. I can't find anyone to help me manage my health, I can go to the clinic and have blood tests but they don't offer anything more than meds. If I complain about the side effects all they say is all medicines have side effects. After 18 months on meds my viral load is still detectable and all they say is wait and see. They never seem to want to change my meds. They seem pretty incompetent to me after reading info in these forums and elsewhere. So be prepared for a tough and miserable life. Sorry for being so negative but it helps to vent. My depression is off the charts, anti depressants do nothing and I don't have the cash for ECT.

--------------------

Life's a bitch and then you die, but only if you're lucky!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
crabmanModerator
Moderator

Reged: 03/10/11
Posts: 1065
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272771 - 06/27/13 09:35 AM

I can relate to the whole fear of dying before my kids grow up. I found out I had HIV in '96. I went through a really rough patch coming to terms with it. I was so scared I wouldn't see my kids, then 6 and 9 grow up. I not only have watched them grow, I'm now a grandmother and enjoy watching my grandchildren growing up.

It's OK to be madder than a hornet. You've just been handed a major change in your life. It takes time to adjust. Just try to work past the anger. It harms you more than anyone. If need be seek counseling in order to help you get past this point.

It really does get better.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 428
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272772 - 06/27/13 11:37 AM

A normal will come, it always does. I've been positive since Feb/13, not long at all really, but I was a lucky one and I took it in stride. I know someday it will probably hit me like a brick wall but I really never went through an angry, "why me", stage ... all I knew was that I was feeling "not right" physically, my depression was out of control, caused me to quit work, started living in my bedroom then when it came time to find another job, well, the need to see the doctor to find out why I was feeling "not right" caused me to go for some test ... and guess what!!!
I was already aware that medical advances were way ahead of where they were 20 years ago, so I assumed the doctor would take care of things, which they have, I have an amazing team. I saw myself dying, being sick, but they assured me, it's not all that bad ... since diagnosis and meds I had two major cold/flu bugs pass through me and I paniced a little but surprisingly they passed. I miss the odd day of work because I am just too tired to move but that's because my cd4 count is still quite low, but since meds on April 1 I have went from 410,000+ VL to undetectable, doctor was smiliing so I guess that's a good thing!
Make some plans, short trip or road trip, nothing big, get out of the house with the kids, start rebuilding your realtionship with your husband (who you have all the right in the world to be mad at), he owes you big time and he best walk on egg-shells for awhile.
I know it is hard to side track anger and stress, but do try please, since meds I do not stress at all for any reason (and I have some big reasons I could be flipping out on), but it's not worth it, because your health is way more valuable then stressing!
Don't be confused with illness, your body will change now and it will tell you things, but keep in mind your doctor is there, this forum is here, there are people to answer questions or atleast relate to and tell you we've been there!
Just always know that HIV is really an unwanted guest in our lives, we didn't invite it, so don't ever let it run your life. Take control, find your normal, might be slightly different then the normal you knew, but it's a time to rebuild, reinvent, take some of you before HIV and add it to you after HIV ... and a very strong, determined, wonderful person will emerge.
Until then though, just yell and scream and freak right out, as newly diagnosed HIV people, we deserve that!!!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
tippytu
Newbie

Reged: 05/16/13
Posts: 19
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272773 - 06/27/13 01:09 PM

Thanks I'm trying to do all those things..I love my husband very much but part of me just wants to hit him & never see him again! He didn't know & I know he will would never hurt me intentionally... I was caught during seroconversion...my vl is undetectable CD % is 45...just very stressful, 3 older children & a brand new baby (that is how we found out about the HIV)

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
tippytu
Newbie

Reged: 05/16/13
Posts: 19
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272774 - 06/27/13 01:12 PM

I am in counseling not sure if its helping or not but I'm doing everything I canto try & get better ccounseling/ anti depressants

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 428
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272785 - 06/28/13 01:38 AM

Keep in mind tippytu, counseling is not an over night cure for things, it will take time ... I always like to refer to it as renovating a house, first you gut out all the crap thats ugly and not needed, from 80's wallpaper to 70's shag carpeting, it all has to go ... then you start adding the good, piece by piece the house starts to take shape inside and suddenly you have a shining new palace, everything you ever wanted, and everything in it's place! That what counceling is, slow process, feels like nothing is happening, have to live without walls for awhile, without flooring ... but then ... !
Oh and don't forget the outside ... sometimes a new outfit or two and a new hairdo ... can be right up there with anti-depressants!!!

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1738
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272809 - 06/29/13 11:49 AM

Phil, it wasn't the getting tested that was the mistake , you need to take charge of where the responsibilty lies. You did nothing for your health for 10 years. And now you want to blame the health system for their " lack of concern" . You need to take charge of your own health . What are some things that your doing for yourself? Eathing right, exercising, stop drinking , smoking ? or are some of these things that your doing to hurt your health. . The longer one wants to be the victim the longer they will be a victim. Just think, what can I do today to help my health? Attitude change for starters.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Furtail
Newbie

Reged: 10/30/07
Posts: 1
Loc: Cincinnati
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272889 - 07/03/13 07:09 AM

Oh!! So sorry to hear this news. I agree with another poster that 1) you need to vent and feel your feelings and 2) some things will need to change. HIV is a bitch, it mentally tears you apart. However, I will go out on a limb and say that, with a lot of work, and support, it has taught me a great deal. Without my diagnosis, I would have never examined my life, I never would have developed an understanding and compassion for others. Surround yourself with loving people and get rid of the rest. It takes effort, a lot of patience, and tears, tears and more tears. But hopefully you will reach the point where you almost stop obsessing about it. Know that you are loved. Message me if you like, if I can help

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
jeannie10
Newbie

Reged: 10/24/12
Posts: 21
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272890 - 07/03/13 08:09 AM

I know exactly how you feel and be glad you found out, so you can get the right treatment, it will take time and you will accept it, it took me a good 2 months, I was so sick when I first starting the meds, I went down to 90# but 2 yrs later I feel great, put the wgt back on and I thank god every morn, that we do have good med s out to treat us and keep us healthy. Stay strong and give yourself time, you will be okay.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
jeannie10
Newbie

Reged: 10/24/12
Posts: 21
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272891 - 07/03/13 08:15 AM

No please don t feel that way you need to get yourself to a good infectious diease dr, a regular dr has no clue to what you are going through, you said you llive in a small town but there has to be a big city near you, after 10 yrs you should def be doing better, I feel it is the people that are treating, stay strong and find that Dr.

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Daddy_Bearby
Member

Reged: 07/29/09
Posts: 27
Loc: Alabama
Re: just extremely mad right now new
      #272893 - 07/03/13 01:13 PM

Darlin your going thru the same roller coaster ride most of us have in dealing withh our disgnosis of hiv and or aids .
I was in denial for over 2 years once I got the word from an uncaring doctor that walked in said the words of " you have aids " when I was simply poz which of course sent me into a tail spin of trying to figure out who and how ( of which the former was of course the bigger question since I at the time was not aware of how hiv/aids was transmitted ).
Well long story short here I am after the disgnosis in 1989 now half way thru 2013 still with the same man who was standing at my hospital bedside holding my hand into our 28th year as a couple doing fine and dandy because I REFUSED to let my status of aids rule my life when I still had so much care and love to give ( which I bet you do as well ). So vent away we all need to blow off some steam every so often to keep our sanity about what ever is going on within our lives be it due to med side effects or the world around us .
now as I sae posted else where if ya wanna talk ( vent to some one who can honestly say been there done that ) send me a message and lets try and work things out for the betterment of your psyche ( ok mind so you might be able to stop worrying and fretting about things that you might not be able to control )

Post Extras: Remind Me!   Notify Moderator  
Pages: 1


What's New at TheBody.com

Additional Information
0 registered and 1 anonymous users are browsing this forum.

Moderator:  TheBody, bogart, crabman, riverprincess 

Permissions
      You cannot start new topics
      You cannot reply to topics
      HTML is enabled
      UBBCode is enabled

Thread views: 4082

 
Jump to

Contact Us | Privacy Statement The Body

*
UBB.threads™ 6.2.3