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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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Trav
Member

Reged: 07/24/12
Posts: 34
Loc: CA, USA
Being honest backfired
      #272130 - 05/20/13 11:29 PM

I got into fight with my ex about my status. He's upset cause I didn't tell him my status when he felt I should of told him. When I found out my status we had been broken up for over year. Before I disclosed my status to him I asked if he had been tested since we broke up and he informed he had and is negative. He strongly feels as though as soon as I found out I should of told him.
He doesn't want to understand where I'm coming from in regards of testing positive and then having to disclose your status. He has made me feel as though I shouldn't of told him at all now seeing how he feels about.
Just another regret I have about getting tested.
Honesty isn't always the best policy.

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riverprincessModerator
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Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1725
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: Being honest backfired new
      #272133 - 05/21/13 07:56 AM

Trav, Honesty is still the best policy. But you can't control nor predict how people will react. You can expect shock and even anger when finding out, after all consider how you felt when you found out. It is similar. That is another reason why you should look into tx and become undetectable. But I know you got what you believe are your substansual reasons.

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AIDS2HIV
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Post deleted by Becky new
      #272161 - 05/23/13 07:30 PM



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Trav
Member

Reged: 07/24/12
Posts: 34
Loc: CA, USA
Re: Being honest backfired new
      #272163 - 05/23/13 09:22 PM

I'm not doing this for sympathy or attention. I'm not understanding why he's upset cause I didn't tell him when he thought I should of told him. We were broken up for over a year and the day I found out I was positive. I was suppose to tell him. Before I told him I asked if he had been tested since we broke up and he said yes. He's negative.. I was still and still am processing it.

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kicker
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Reged: 10/25/10
Posts: 1130
Loc: GA, USA
Re: Being honest backfired new
      #272164 - 05/23/13 09:31 PM

Here's a crazy idea. Get ready for it.

Ask him why he is upset if you two were no longer together for over a year and he has tested negative.

My guess is he cares about you and feels like he could have supported you. Why not ask for his support. That sounds more like the reason he would get upset if you two weren't having sex and he is negative. Since you haven't asked him and are all upset I am guessing you probably pitched a fit and blew up at him so now he might tell you to buzz off, but it's worth a shot.

Before you blow up at me for saying so, I have to ask people every time I interact what they meant by things and what their intentions/feelings were, so it's not that hard awkward a little but not hard.

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anotherday
Moderator

Reged: 05/15/13
Posts: 365
Loc: Alberta, Canada
Re: Being honest backfired new
      #272169 - 05/24/13 12:47 AM

I'm reading alot of drama with Trav and his HIV. First things first, when I found out, I embrassed the moment. I looked at it as something I knowingly did wrong that got me this, and so I accept it. I think acceptance of yourself and your HIV is very important in the early stages. The one step at a time, you can tell doctors and HIV health care professionals who you "slept with", "shared needles with" whatever and they will call these people on your behalf or attempted annonymously and inform them they should be tested. It makes accepting this considerably easier and less stressfull than pulling out the little black book and going "oh crap".
Then the ball is in their court, they have the option of testing and confronting you, but atleast the pain is eased somewhat.
If a year had past in this relationship breakup, and there is a test that came back negative, the guy is still upset I would think he is concerned for Trav, maybe as what could have been or just as a friend ... maybe a little upset that there was a past risk but if brought to light that the first Positve test was just recently, then way back a year ago, in the heat of the relationship, some honesty and testing should have been done then.
If honesty now drives a wedge between friends, then there was nothing there, fair weather friendship, but if there was something maybe this guy is just trying to be there now. Love is still possible, sex a little risky but possible, but if it is a relationship it can still be had, there is many ways of pleasing a person sexually in this sitaution. The one thing I recommend to Trav ... drop the drama ... accept what you have ... I won't even say "deal with it", that's wrong, I would recommend no more looking back, take what was given to you, work it into your life, and look forward. Stay on your meds, go for your regular Doctors visits and tests, listen to what others say about their experiences and take the doctors orders. Keeping in mind sometimes doctors just have to shake there heads too, when a patient adds the drama.

--------------------
anotherday ... in paradise!
daily ponder ... be the reason someone smiles today!

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Trav
Member

Reged: 07/24/12
Posts: 34
Loc: CA, USA
Re: Being honest backfired new
      #272172 - 05/24/13 10:42 PM

He's upset cause I did not tell him when he felt I should of told him.
For those of you who are looking at this as drama it's not. I'm not looking for sympathy. This was something that has happened from the time I told him and now. There aren't any HIV support groups in my area. I'm posting one my experiences since I've disclosed my status.
I'll post every now and then. I've gone months without posting anything.
I apologize if people are reading my posts in the wrong context.

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