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HIV Life >> Living With HIV

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familyfirst
Regular

Reged: 06/05/12
Posts: 45
Loc: tulsa ok
MY DUTY
      #270051 - 01/08/13 12:57 PM

I have 5 wonderful children and each of them touch my heart in their own unique way. I didn't feel like a hero or superman any more it was just the opposite. The kids didn't know what was wrong just that dad didn't feel good and was always tired. I had really lost alot of weight at first that along with the meds had made me only half a person. I felt that way most of the time any how and id I wasn't getting sick I was so tired I couldn't hardly do anything, people who didn't know what was going on would call me lazy and say I was an unfit father for not doing more for the kids, there wasn't a day that went by I didn't exhaust myself completely taking care of my kids. I have always worked and done my best for my family and now just getting out of bed some days was to much. The ex and all our friends would say I'm fine I'm just trying to get sympathy or get them to do everything in order for me to just sit around and be lazy. The kids are smarter than people think and would ask me what wrong with me? Why am I sick? Why do people stay away from our house? Why have our friends stopped playing with us, and call us names. How do you tell them it is because of you and your illness, how do you look into the eyes of your kids and tell them any if it. The depression was getting worse and worse, my kids were miserable and unable to even go outside most of the time for the neighbor kids would start fights with them cause there dad was sick. My Duty as a father is to protect my kids but now I have to protect them from me. Telling a seven year old not to help when daddy cut himself cooking and keeping a three year old out of the blood when all they want is to help you and you push them away for their safety but to hear them crying in their rooms cause daddy is mad at them for no reason no one ever talks about that in a meeting or how to explain to a thirteen year old why she cant tell her friends, and until daddy get better no sleep overs and then when she asks someone else about HIV/AIDS they tell her only gays and drug attics get it so she is safe. The day she asked me if I was a drug user or gay about ripped out my heart.
My Duty as a father is the same as any other father out there that part is true. Make sure they are safe, watch over them, feed them and love them with all your heart. I do that everyday for my kids, just not right there with them. I do it from an hour away cause until I moved out from where They still live They were hatting life and starting to hate me. The neighbor kids now play with them and no longer make fun of them so they are happier, Isn't that what all parents want for their kids to be happy and healthy, I know it is, so then tell me why does it have to kill me everyday that I'm away from them and can't hold them or love them. because society is still closed minded about HIV/AIDS.
I have been told to be quiet don't tell people that I'm infected, that I have HIV, is that for my protection or theirs. I now am to a point that i will scream it from the rooftops if I thought people would just stop long enough to realize I'm just a dad who misses his kids and want nothing more to make them happy so please let me do My Duty.

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anna1973
Newbie

Reged: 12/05/12
Posts: 13
Loc: kenya
Re: MY DUTY new
      #270057 - 01/09/13 09:28 AM

it happened to me too, i accepted the situation that was favourable for my kids and that was leaving with their dad. i only saw them twice a yr they were with him for 3yrs. they are home with me now nd our relationship has improved so be patient with them

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alive2
Guardian

Reged: 03/08/07
Posts: 342
Re: MY DUTY new
      #270058 - 01/09/13 09:53 AM

i myself had gone through the same things with my children. they are older and they noticed i didnt go to work anymore, but when they were younger i used to go out of town all over the united states to work. so while i was new to hiv, i was devestated for my own sake, and soon began to see they noticed i was always home, and didnt do as much as i used to with them just as you.
they did ask questions and i never told them or anyone else i had hiv at the time. as they grew i eventually told my older kids i had hiv, as well as a couple of my family members, there was some quiet moments, and alot of disbelief. but as time was going by i always seemed to speak about health issues with them, and sexual things and stds. so they were prepared to know things before they were pressed about it by strangers or friends.
we still keep it to ourselves, just because the world is cruel due to the lack of knowledge of the issue of hiv/aids. i have left my home many times due to different issues, but eventually returned, always let them know you love them always. when they get older they will understand. that you were being a father and as good a parent as you could. time will heal the wounds they may feel now, but when they understand the facts they will love you as they did before. as for them not knowing why, they are to young to know right now. but soon it will be evident your actions were for the best of all concerned. i wish you the best, take care

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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1756
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: MY DUTY new
      #270059 - 01/09/13 10:17 AM

Your posting was so sensitve. It truly touches my heart where I feel the pain of others. And I can only imagine the anquish you mustbe battling wthin. To try to keep all this aay from your family and the community especialy when they don't understad and are insensitive and cruel. My heart really breaks for you my friend. May I ask how old are your children? It seems that by keeping all this as a terrible secret is doing more damage than good. And like you said children are very sensitve and now when soomething is wrong. And in a sense they do need to know what it is. I have friend that told his oldest the truth and the youngest still doesn't kow. Are your medications making you feel worse or are you finding yourself getting stronger ach day. Reason I ask is that when we are feeling our weakest it's just sooo much harder to deal with people places and things. Perhaps part of it is due to your trying sooo hard to keep this all in and not let it out at all. If yu hve a problem with saying it's hiv , do as many do in similar situations and say that it is something that is more acceptable like cancer. I know that sounds terrible but prostrate cancer seems to be more acceptable to people and then your youner ones can have something to come back with when their friends say creul thigs. Just a thought hon . I know it stinks to have to make up things just to get others to understand somewhat. It is such a difficult spot to be in . But I think you know in your heart that the way this is not working . Start with those that are most important ,your children . They may actually suprize you with how theyhandle it, and how you handle it. Please stay in touh with me , I care andtrul wish I could do something to make this all better . But all I can do is be here for you my friend. And continue to give you my shoulder and ear . ( well actually with puters its eyes). But do know I care with all my heart . .......River

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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jtpa
Regular

Reged: 03/11/12
Posts: 29
Loc: Florida
Re: MY DUTY new
      #270065 - 01/09/13 12:57 PM

For starters your post brought tears to my eyes. I am sorry you are going through this but can understand completely. I have 2 step children and although not my own I have raised them since they were babies. Currently 8 and 11 and unfortunately for me I have kept it a secret other then my partner. I don't wish for them to be discriminated against for something I have. Sometimes regardless of outside influence being a good father is knowing when you have to do things that hurt you in order to protect them. As they get older like the others have said I hope they understand. There is nothing I wouldn't do to protect our boys. i feel for you deeply and hope you find peace in your decision soon. If you would like to pm me I am always available.

Edited by jtpa (01/09/13 12:57 PM)

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lovableo
Regular

Reged: 11/22/11
Posts: 67
Re: MY DUTY new
      #270089 - 01/11/13 01:05 AM

Your post brought back painful memories for myself. When my son was 10yrs old, that's when I found out I was positive and unfortunately my son found out by another family member before I could tell him that I was positive. So I had the extremely hard job of explaining everything to him. Now 14yrs later, my son has been in the Marine Corps for 5yrs. So we were able to talk about STD's and how to protect himself at all times as he became older. So his knowing what I was going through made it just that much more realer than any school's health class could ever teach. Just keep letting them know that you love them no matter what other people might be saying about him. As they grow older maybe you'll be and come up with a way to continue to let them know about this illness and how cruel and ignorant others people can be. Just continue being the that awesome father and dad that you've always been. I'll be praying that everything turns out ok for you and your kids. May 2013 be the beginning of better days for you.

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Randy69
Member

Reged: 10/11/12
Posts: 16
Re: MY DUTY new
      #270166 - 01/14/13 03:51 PM

Good luck my friend and your kids will love you no matter what trust me .
Yes they may not understand but in time they will. you will be there if there life goes bad wouldnt you love them The same.Just keep talking to them only thing they need is to know you love them .all other things is just that my kids love me for me not what I have kids just need a hug and a kiss . Yes it's hard but ain't that life .

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familyfirst
Regular

Reged: 06/05/12
Posts: 45
Loc: tulsa ok
Re: MY DUTY new
      #270245 - 01/18/13 03:05 PM

I would love to make as many friends as possible here and other places, to let you know, I an one in a million ask riverprinces for that lol. I an very open of my condition and am willing to talk to anyone about it, you will find that my mondset is not one of hiding this condition nor hiding myself from others. you can find me here as well as on facebook as bobby blaylock from oklahoma that or my email justbobby29@yahoo.com. you can fisit my website that Im still builkding at www.montivatedformankind.weebly.com


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riverprincessModerator
Moderator

Reged: 12/25/11
Posts: 1756
Loc: Jersey Shore
Re: MY DUTY new
      #270249 - 01/18/13 08:01 PM

OH yeah Family First is definitly one in a something lol ! Just not sure what.lol Hey Bobby ! When the good Lord made Bobby He definitly made sure to break that mold. The world couldn't handle 2 Bobby Blaylocks, love ya Bobby lol !!!!! Seriously this is a good , up front man. He definitly is what he is.

--------------------
Look up to the Heavens for the answers to Lifes questions .

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